23 Dec PARSHAS VAYIGASH: HONORING GRANDPARENTS

And Yisrael traveled
with all that he had
to Be’er Sheva, and
he offered korbanos
to the G-d of his
father Yitzchak.
Rashi

One is obligated to honor his father more
than his grandfather. He therefore
ascribed (his korbanos) to Yitzchak and
not Avraham.
Bereishis 46:1
In general, the entire mesorah of the
Jewish people is predicated on our
reverence for previous generations who
have transmitted the Torah to us.
Specifically, the mitzvah to honor our
parents is one of the Aseres HaDibros and
one of the most important mitzvos in the
entire Torah. However, does this
obligation of kavod apply to grandparents?
If so, what are its parameters and how
does it relate to and differ from the
mitzvah to honor parents?

Two Opinions
The Torah (Bereishis 46:1) tells us that as
Yaakov set forth on his journey to Egypt
to see his long-lost son Yosef, he offered
korbanos to “the G-d of his father
Yitzchak.” Rashi notes that, unusually,
the pasuk refers to Hashem as the G-d of
Yitzchak but not as G-d of Avraham, and
he cites the midrash (Bereishis Rabbah
94:5), which deduces from here that “one
is obligated to honor his father more than
his grandfather.” The clear implication of
the midrash is that one does indeed have
an obligation to honor his grandparents,
though this obligation doesn’t rise to the
level of obligation one has to honor his
parents.
In opposition to the implication of the
midrash and Rashi, the Maharik (Shoresh
44) discusses a scenario in which a
grandson was saying Kaddish for his
grandfather, and a son wished to recite
Kaddish for his father. In his days the
prevalent custom was to only allow one
person at a time to say Kaddish, and the

Maharik rules that the one reciting
Kaddish for his father certainly takes
precedence. He writes that he is fulfilling
the mitzvah of kibud av, but the other
person is not fulfilling any specific
mitzvah, because there is no unique
obligation to honor grandparents. While
he acknowledges that it is customary to
show more honor for one’s grandparents
than for other older people (for whom one
is obligated to stand and show a minimal
amount of kavod), he maintains that this
is merely general derech eretz and proper
middos. There is no special chiyuv of
kavod for grandparents.
The Rema (Y.D. 240:24) cites the opinion
of the Maharik but disagrees with it. He
maintains, based on the above-mentioned
midrash, that one is indeed obligated to
honor his grandparents, though one is
obligated to honor his parents more than
his grandparents. Rav Akiva Eiger, in his
commentary on Shulchan Aruch, cites the
Responsa Eliyahu Zuta, who explains the
opinion of the Rema to mean that when
one is in the presence of both his father
and his grandfather, his father must take
precedence. However, if one is only in
the presence of his grandfather, he must
honor him in the same way and to the
same degree that he is obligated to
honor his father.
Maternal versus Paternal
Grandparents
The Gemara (Sotah 49a) relates that
Rav Yaakov was raised in the home of
his maternal grandfather Rav Acha bar
Yaakov. Once, Rav Acha bar Yaakov
asked Rav Yaakov to bring him a cup of
water, but Rav Yaakov refused and
responded, “I am not your son,” as a
way of stating that he was not obligated
in his kavod. This Gemara would seem
to explicitly prove the opinion of the
Maharik, that there is no obligation to
honor one’s grandfather. However, the
Yad Avraham and Bei’ur HaGra (on
Shulchan Aruch ibid.) both point out
that this Gemara cannot serve as a proof
to the opinion of the Maharik, because
there is a distinction between paternal
grandparents and maternal grandparents.
Even the Rema, who maintains that one
is obligated to honor his grandparents,
writes that one must honor his “father’s
father,” implying there is not a special
obligation to honor maternal
grandparents beyond the obligation to

honor the elderly in general and the
normal obligation to practice proper
derech eretz. In support of this view, they
both cite a midrash that only “b’nei banim
harei heim kibanim” — sons of sons are
considered like one’s own sons, but sons
of daughters are not considered to be like
one’s own sons.
The Torah Temimah (Bereishis 46:1:1),
though, brings several proofs to
demonstrate that the Talmud Bavli
disagrees with this assertion and
maintains that there is no distinction
between the sons of one’s sons and the
sons of one’s daughters. The Ben Ish Chai
and the Aruch HaShulchan (240:44) also
agree that one is equally obligated to
honor both his paternal and maternal
grandparents. Regarding the story in the
Gemara, the Aruch HaShulchan writes
that when Rav Yaakov said, “I am not
your son,” he didn’t mean to say that he
wasn’t obligated at all to honor his
grandfather but wanted to make it clear
that he wasn’t obligated in the same way
as if Rav Achah bar Yaakov had been his
actual father. He cites Rashi on the
Gemara that also implies such an
understanding, and this would fit with
Rashi on Chumash that cites the midrash,
which is the source that there is an
obligation to honor one’s grandparents,
even if not on the same level as parents.
Regardless of the exact halachic level of
kavod that one is obliged to show one’s
grandparents, it is a tremendous zechus to
have the opportunity to honor them. Only
a generation or two ago, many Jewish
children had no grandparents, since so
many had perished in the destruction of
European Jewry. Everyone should
appreciate and take full advantage of our
link to previous generations, learn from
them, cherish our relationships with
them, and shower them with the respect
that they deserve as bearers of our
illustrious mesorah.