02 Feb PARSHAS YISRO- CHINUCH

The Torah discusses Moshe’s children, “The name of one [son] was Gershom… and the name of one son was Eliezer…” (18:3-4). It seems that it should have stated “the name of the second son was Eliezer.” This is how the Torah writes it when it discusses the two sheep that were sacrificed daily in the Beis HaMikdash: “one sheep sacrifice in the morning, and the second sheep sacrifice in the afternoon.” Reb Shamshon Refael Hirsh zt’l explains that Haechad that is written for both Gershom and Eliezer is to teach us that each child should be viewed as an only child. Even if you were blessed with many children, you shouldn’t look at your children as a group, rather as individuals, because each child is unique in his own way. We will discuss this important lesson on three planes: 1] Seeing each child as a “one” means that you value each child. The Mishnah in Sanhedrin (37) states, “Adam was created single…so that everyone should say, ‘the world was created for me.’” This hints to the admiration and respect we should have for each child. Each child is unique; each child is special; no two children are alike. Although there are similarities among siblings, they are never exactly the same. Each child has his own set of challenges and talents, which makes him unique and special. Someone wanted his daughter to marry the best bachur of a certain yeshiva. He went to the rosh yeshiva and said, “Who is the best bachur here?” The rosh yeshiva replied, “I have seventy best bachurim.” There were seventy bachurim in the yeshiva, but each was best in his own way. This is how parents should value each of their children. They should consider each child their best child, since each child is great in his own way. When parents value their children, the children will know it. That will help them value themselves, and to reach their potential. 2] Seeing each child as a ‘one’ also means that you have time for each child. Those blessed with many children shouldn’t say, “I don’t have time for all of them,” or “I don’t have money to take care of all of them.” Thinking in that manner will end with some of the children lacking their basic needs. Rather, you should consider each child as your only child, as though there is no one else to take care of. The Midrash (Shmos Rabba 2:2) says, “When Moshe was tending Yisro’s cattle in the desert, one goat ran away. Moshe ran after it until they reached a green pasture where there was a stream of water for the goat to quench his thirst. When Moshe got there he said, ‘I didn’t know that you were running because you were thirsty. [Now] you’re tired.’ Moshe carried him back on his shoulder. Hakadosh Baruch Hu said, ‘You have compassion on the cattle of human beings, therefore I swear that you will be the shepherd of My sheep, the Jewish nation…’ Rebbe Avraham of Stropkov zt’l explains that because Moshe cared for each sheep, and for each goat, he merited being the shepherd of the Jewish nation, for a parent and a leader mustn’t lose sight of the needs of each individual 3] Finally, viewing each child as a ‘one’ means treating each child differently, with the unique path needed to educate that child. Consider the following mashal: Someone with one hundred keys on his keyring was told that one of the keys fits the lock on a certain door. He tried ninety-nine keys, but they weren’t the right one. The door remained locked. At that point he lost patience. “I already tried ninety-nine keys and it still doesn’t open, I give up,” and with that, he broke the door down with an ax. This person is foolish. Why didn’t he try that last key? Apparently, that was the key that would have opened up the door. The nimshal is that there’s a key to each child’s heart. Even if you tried many approaches, unsuccessfully, to open your child’s heart to Torah, emunah, and middos tovos, it doesn’t mean that there’s no hope. There are other keys that might fit. Try another approach, perhaps this time your child’s heart will open. It’s possible that the methods tried until now are fitting for other people, but not for your child. Don’t do anything drastic, like breaking down the door. Be patient; keep searching until you find the right fit. This is alluded to in the passuk “Chanoch Lnar Al Pi Darcho”, find the way to this particular child’s heart, and you will be able to educate him. 5 My father was once in Los Angeles, in the home of Reb Eliezer Adler z’l. Rebbetzin Adler asked my father, “If your daughter would ask you for money to go to the theatre, what would you do?” My father didn’t know what to answer. He never encountered anything similar to such a request before. She said, “When I was growing up in Yerushalayim, my friends were planning to go to the theatre, and they convinced me to join them. So I asked my grandfather, Rebbe Shlomke of Zvhil zt’l for money to pay the entrance fee. My grandfather gave me money, and I was thrilled. Just as I was about to leave the room he called me back and said, ‘You asked me for money for the theatre, and I gave you. But you should know that my heart will break if you go there.’ I immediately told my grandfather that I won’t go to the theatre; not then, and not ever.” Reb Shlomke showed his granddaughter love, caring and respect, and therefore she was ready to accept his concern and his rebuke. This is an approach for some children. Other children will need another approach. In the Haggadah shel Pesach it states, “The Torah speaks about four children: One is a rasha, one is a chacham, one is a tam, and one is a child who doesn’t know how to ask.” The Haggadah could have written more briefly: “The Torah speaks about four children: a rasha, a chacham, a tam, and a child who doesn’t know how to ask.” Why does it state Echad before each child? It’s to remind us that each child is a one, an individual, and needs a different approach. Each child (of the four children in the Haggadah) asks a different question, and each child needs a customtailored answer fitting for them. An answer that works for one, won’t necessarily work for the other