30 Dec PARSHAT VAYECHI: ARE YOU A HYPOCRITE? ON THE ESSENCE OF EDUCATION

A Bribe for Your
Professor
A professor was
giving a big test one
day to his students.
He handed out all of
the tests and went
back to his desk to
wait. Once the test was over, the students all
handed the tests back in. The professor
noticed that one of the students had attached a
$100 bill to his test with a note saying, “A
dollar per point.”
At the next class, the professor handed the
tests back out. This student got back his test
and $56 change.
One Heart
The Talmud relates the following episode:
When our father Yaakov was on his deathbed,
surrounded by all of his children, he suddenly
felt that the Divine presence, the Shechinah,
departed from him. He was overtaken by
dread and fear that one of his children present
in the room was living an immoral life, and
that is why the Shechinah has left him. The
old father confronted his children asking if
perhaps one of them has corrupted his ways,
betraying the values he, Yaakov, had

attempted to inculcate within them.
His sons responded with the most famous
Jewish declaration: “Shema Yisrael Hashem
Elokenu Hashem Echad.” Listen Yisrael –
Yaakov’s name was Yisrael — the Lord
is Our G-d, the Lord is One. Kishem Sh’ein
B’libcha Ela Echad, Kach Ein B’libeinu Ela
Echad. Just as in YOUR heart there is only
One, so too, in OUR heart there is only One.”
At that moment Yaakov responded and said,
“Boruch Shem Kevod Malchuto Le’olam
Va’ed. Blessed be the honorable name of His
kingdom forever and ever.” (Talmud
Pesachim 56a).
Their response raises a question. Let’s listen
to their words carefully: “Just as in YOUR
heart there is only One, so too, in OUR heart
there is only One.” The first half of their
statement seems superfluous. We know that
in Yaakov’s heart there was only One G-d.
That was not up for discussion; no one was
suspecting Yaakov’s heart. The question was
what was going on in THEIR heart. All they
needed to say was, “Listen father, in OUR
heart there is only One!”?
A Mirror
The answer is that in this very expression they
have encapsulated one of the great themes of

education. The first half of their sentence was
not superfluous. Yaakov ‘s children were
explaining why their father need not fear
about his children’s moral destiny. “ Yaakov
our father, if there is One in your heart,” the
children told their father, “you can be assured
that in our hearts, too, there is only One.”
Children are the mirror of their parents’
hearts, not of their words. Since in your heart
there was one, our heart too is saturated with
the one living G-d.
All too often, parents think that they can
impart values to their children without
internalizing these values in their own daily
lives. They teach their children about
integrity, faith, love, and discipline, but they
do not necessarily embody these principles
themselves. They preach of one G-d, but that
G-d does not challenge them in their personal
lives. They will speak up against anger,
animosity, envy, and selfishness, but they
themselves fall prey to these traits.
This usually does not do the trick. Children do
not respond to what the parents say as much
as to who they are. Values are like colds: they
are caught, not taught. If in your heart there is
One – in his heart, there will also be One.
When your child experiences consciously and
subconsciously your purity and integrity, it is
likely that the values that shaped the parents
will continue in the lives of their children. It
may take some years or sometimes decades,
but the seeds planted by your heart in the
heart of your children will produce the
results.
Political scientists have long found that
four out of five people with a party
preference grow up to vote the way their
parents voted. In fact, while many people
experience a temporary rejection of their
parents’ politics in very early adulthood,
virtually nothing is more predictive of your
political ideology than that of your
parents—it’s more of a determining factor
than income, education, or any other
societal yardstick.
Hypocrisy
When asked about the greatest challenge he
faces today, the principal of one of the
largest Jewish high schools in the United
States related this thought: Parents spend
thousands of dollars a year in tuition to send
their children to our school where, along
with calculus and chemistry, we are
expected to teach some basic ethics. Then,
on Sunday, the parents take their child to an
amusement park and lie about his age in
order to save five dollars on the admission
fee. To save five bucks they destroy a
$25,000 education.
Most parents and teachers realize that
values and perspectives must be planted by
personal example. However, in practice, we
sometimes try to build into our children’s
and students’ behavioral routines that we

personally have not yet mastered. We insist
that our children eat properly, even though we
survive on coffee and donuts. We insist that
they don’t sit by the TV for hours, while we
fall short of these expectations. In short, we
find it easier to work on our children than on
ourselves, and so that is sometimes what we
do.
This hypocrisy has disastrous results: Too
many children legitimately view their parents
and teachers as insincere. Disrespect burgeons
slowly until, around ages 12-15, it shreds the
parent-child or teacher-student trust and
relationship. Then children reject the moral
authority of the adults in their lives. They
isolate themselves emotionally from parents
and teachers, and begin making their own
(often self-destructive) decisions.
In a famous study regarding the transmission
of values from parents to children, the
following question was asked of many
children: What do your parents want you to
be when you grow up—rich, smart, famous or
good? Most of the children — from a variety
of demographic and cultural sectors — ranked
rich, smart, or famous as most important. And
the characteristic that ranked lowest was
being ‘good.’ Ironically, parents across the
same sectors responded that they favored
‘good’ as the preferred characteristic for their
child.
Why was there this disconnect between the
desire of the parents and the perception of
their children?
The answer may be that preaching to children
demands parallel practice by parents. True
goodness is not taught in books, it is
transmitted by living example. Parents may
tell their children that they want them to be
good people above all, but what are the
children experiencing from their parents? Are
they—the parents—placing goodness above
all other comforts?
If you want to touch the heart of your child,
make sure that your own heart was touched.
And work not just on your conscious, but also
on your unconscious identity. Children often
respond to the unconscious of their parents
even more than to their parents’ conscious
selves.
This was the message of Yaakov’s children to
their father: The reason there is in our heart
only One, is because our hearts reflect and
mirror YOUR heart, and in your heart, there is
only One. This is true concerning every parent
and teacher.