20 Jan REMEMBERING R’ YEHUDA KELEMER ZT”L: WORDS ARE NOT ADEQUATE
Many words have been said and much ink has been spilled since the untimely passing of Moreinu HaRav Yehuda Kelemer. Hespedim, speeches, tributes, newspaper and magazine articles have depicted his greatness in Torah and unparalleled righteousness. Myriad stories have been told and retold of the generosity of his spirit, gentleness of his soul, strength of leadership and hidden wisdom; and yet, hard as we try, we know deep down that it’s not enough. We recognize that words and tears simply cannot suffice to capture, even in a minuscule way, the sense of loss that we feel and the void that has been left with his passing. Thus, far it be from me to attempt and encapsulate in any meaningful way the essence of Rav Kelemer and what he meant to the world. My aim in the next few paragraphs is only to offer a somewhat unique perspective on the loss of our “Roeh Neeman”, trusted shepherd who carried us Al Kanfei Nesharim for so many years.
My family migrated en masse from Iran in the 1980’s, part of a common thread in Jewish history: prominent citizens driven from their homeland of thousands of years dating back to the times of Mordechai and Esther by anti-Semitism and persecution. With no place to call home and few contacts, the first member to flee and seek asylum in United States settled in West Hempstead to be near a young Rav he had met as a college student in Brookline, Massachusetts. In the ensuing years, many more family members with similar circumstances followed. As millions before us, we came with nothing. No place to call home, scarce resources, no knowledge of the American culture or English language. But those facts notwithstanding, we knew that we would persevere. We had each other, and we had our new Rock, our leader, Rav Kelemer.
From the very first day, he welcomed us and made us feel like we belonged. He was a fixture at every family Simcha and was there to console us in times of sadness. One of his first public appearances after his horrific accident was at one of our family Simchas and I can still feel the sense of relief and jubilation among all hundreds present when he was called up for a Bracha. The mere mention of his name to this day evokes a sense of awe and I’ll never forget the palpable reverence we all felt when he walked in to any room. I was Zocheh to hear him speak hundreds of times over the years at those events and was always mesmerized by the way he was able to instantly weave together Gematrias, new Chiddushim and unbelievably deep ideas individually tailored toward the Baal Simcha to enhance the occasion while being Mekadesh Shem Shamayim.
He had a unique talent of focusing on the individual, while never forgetting the sanctity of being a member of the greater whole – your family, and the Jewish nation. He was particularly fond of repeating a story of my elderly grandmother, who a few months after arriving in New York, with no knowledge of the English language or sense of the area’s geography had ran after her adult son onto the LIRR to bring him the lunch he had forgotten. To Rav Kelemer, that episode represented the epitome of the Jewish nation and its unbroken chain through the millennia: an unconditional love and sacrifice that will pursue the beloved regardless of the challenge of circumstance and with no regard for self. It was the same sensitivity and regard for every individual in the chain of Jewish history which prompted him to gently prod those who would try to silence children during his speeches. “Leave them please” he would say. “It’s the most beautiful sound”.
I had the privilege of his mentorship for almost thirty years and every singular encounter left me with an indelible impression which would help to shape me personally and professionally for years to come. I remember many visits to his office at the Young Israel of West Hempstead and his home, sometimes after 1 AM. He had thousands of Seforim in rows and I will never forget the sweet sound of his whisper as he would move bunches of books simultaneously to locate some obscure resource which only he would remember from many years before. I would only learn later that the whisper was him chronicling in his encyclopedic mind the index which he had committed to memory to find various sources. Years later, when he came to pay a Shivah call for my father A’H, I watched in amazement as many prominent Rabbonim who were present surrounded him to glean from his wisdom and marveled at how he was able to continuously shift the conversation back to my father’s life while answering their questions.
His astonishing brilliance in all areas of Torah and secular subjects was only matched by his exquisite sensitivity and uncanny ability to navigate through any difficult situation and somehow make all parties satisfied with the outcome. Before my wedding, when we were faced with the question of whether he would serve as Mesader Kiddushin or if we should bequeath the honor to my wife’s grandfather who was at the time a retired Rabbi, he gently reminded me that despite my strong emotions to honor my Rebbe, there’s no better way to start a marriage than Vatranus, making compromises. A Mesader Kiddushin is after all “just an arranger”. As it turned out, he made sure to proclaim unambiguously at the wedding that my wife’s grandfather was honored as the Mesadder Kiddushin while deftly handling all the actual “arrangements”.
Professionally, he was always able to meld eloquent and definitive guidance with the skillful bestowing of confidence and independence. Shortly after completing Semicha, I was asked by a family member to serve as Mesader Kiddushin. I politely declined as I did not yet feel ready and knew that there simply cannot be a Rahmani wedding without Rav Kelemer serving as the Rav. He strongly encouraged me to accept and assured me that he would be there to help and hold my hand every step of the way. After much guidance and preparation, on the day of the wedding he called to inform me that due to unforeseen circumstances, he simply could not be present at the Chuppah. I knew that Rav Kelemer was famous for being able to be present simultaneously in multiple places but this must have been an exception. It was seconds after the Chuppah concluded successfully when he magically materialized that I understood why he had created the exception.
Rav Kelemer was the ultimate resource to physicians and medical professionals when challenging situations arose. His mastery of medical Halacha coupled with his unparalleled regard for the sanctity of life and sensitivity to the most minute details was world-famous. His opinions became the basis of policy for multiple boards and medical organizations. I cannot count the numerous times I called him as an ICU doctor at all hours of the night with literal life and death questions. When I thought that I had deciphered a pattern and could reach a conclusion, his response would remind me that no two situations were the same. He had the supernatural ability to decipher the distinctive characteristic of each case by asking questions regarding subtle circumstances which would lead to diametrically opposite conclusions in superficially similar situations. But his acumen for dealing with complicated medical and professional questions went beyond intellect, knowledge and inquisitive critical thought. His paragon priority was ensuring that patients and family members would be cared for with empathy and sensitivity even at the cost of presenting detailed scientific facts. “This is Olam Shel Chessed, not Olam Shel Emet”, he would often tell me.
Yet, that principal had to be balanced with absolute transparency and accuracy when it could potentially lead to conflict. As a Transplant fellow at Mount Sinai Medical Center, we conducted weekly “Organ meetings” to determine allocation for potential recipients. I once had the occasion to advocate for a patient who had traveled from Israel in search of a liver. I was aware of specific facts that made her a less than optimal candidate. I was certain that Rav Kelemer would agree that I should not disclose all details. This was “Olam Shel Chessed” after all. His immediate response: all information must be presented accurately and completely! For her candidacy would indirectly effect other potential recipients who would be left without an organ. On another occasion, he asked me to assist him with an extremely intricate and sensitive situation related to a burial plot. Rav Kelemer had a specific opinion regarding the Psak, but given the complexity of the situation decided to reach out to Rav Ovadyah Yosef Zt’l. We received a hand written response concurring with Rav Kelemer which in my mind very much simplified the equation. However, as he read the letter I noticed a sense of disappointment. “He (Rav Ovadyah) is missing a key factor of the situation. His response may have been different if he knew”. Olam Shel Chessed this may be, but when it came to Halacha, Emet, absolute and unadulterated truth took precedence.
The world has unfortunately experienced tremendous loss in the last 10 months. We have lost friends, family members, rabbis, Tzaddikim and leaders. In a lot of ways, we have lost our sense of normalcy. Yet, the loss of Rav Kelemer somehow feels different. While part of that feeling can undoubtedly be attributed to our individual encounters with Rav Kelemer, I believe there is more. Rav Kelemer’s most irreplaceable gift was his ability to infuse every interaction with the sense of being special and inspiring us to be better.
My family had the privilege a few years ago to help publish Rav Shlomo Wahrman’s last Sefer before his passing as a tribute to my father, “Sefer Kol Avinoam” and Rav Kelemer was gracious enough to pen the preface. He wrote:
“There are very few individuals whose sweetness of character is palpable and whose pleasant charm holds a child captive. They live in a world of persuasion; not dictation. Their patience carries them through the years of childrearing; like the wings of the Biblical eagle carrying his progeny; surviving any assault.”
With the loss of Rav Kelemer, we have lost an “eagle” who personified all of the above. But most significantly, we have all lost a piece of ourselves.
Yehe Zichro Baruch
Dr. Rabin Rahmani grew up in West Hempstead and is Director of Medical Education and Research at the Division of Gastroenterology in Maimonides Medical Center and Assistant Professor of Medicine at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine.