03 Dec RESPECTING OUR WIVES: HONORING OURSELVES

One of the
most well-known

examples of de-
ception in the

Torah is Lavan’s
betrayal of Yaakov during his marriage
arrangements. After Yaakov worked for
seven years to marry Rachel, the woman

he loved, Lavan tricked him by substi-
tuting Leah for Rachel on the wedding

night. Yaakov, unaware of the switch
until the next morning, was shocked
and confronted Lavan about this
betrayal. In response, Lavan claimed
it was customary in their region not to
marry off the younger daughter before
the elder. This forced Yaakov into an
agreement to work an additional seven
years to marry Rachel.
Rachel was given to Yaakov
immediately after the seven-day sheva
brachot period for Leah, under a new
agreement that Yaakov would work for
Lavan for another seven years. During
this time, Yaakov had every justification
to work less diligently or to reduce the

quality of his efforts, as he had been
cheated into this arrangement. However,
Rashi (29; 30) explains that Yaakov
worked the additional seven years with
the same integrity and dedication as he
had during the first seven years.
Why did he do this? One might argue
it was due to Yaakov’s inherent honesty.
However, another comment by Rashi
(29; 12) suggests that from the moment
Yaakov met Lavan, he hinted that he
was well aware of Lavan’s deceitful
nature and capable of being equally
tricky if necessary. Yaakov essentially
warned Lavan that any attempt to cheat
him would be met with equal cunning.
Despite this, Yaakov chose to maintain
his integrity, showing his commitment
to his values even in the face of Lavan’s
treachery, why did he do this?
Before attempting to answer this
question, let us first examine how
Yaakov’s grandfather, Avraham Avinu,
dealt with Efron when purchasing a
burial place for his wife, Sarah.

Avraham approached
Efron to purchase the Cave
of Machpelah as a burial
place for Sarah. Although
Efron initially offered the
land for free, he subtly
insisted on an exorbitant
price of 400 silver
shekels. Avraham had the
opportunity to accept the
land for free or negotiate a
fairer price, as is customary
in real estate transactions.
However, he chose not to
bargain and allowed Efron
to take advantage of him, paying the
inflated price without objection.
We can suggest that although
Avraham Avinu could have negotiated
a better price, he insisted on paying
the high price to honor his wife, Sarah.
Even though she was no longer alive,
Avraham wanted to show her the utmost
respect. The honor of one’s wife is not
only for her but also reflects on the
husband, their children, and the entire
family. Avraham understood this
deeply and refused to compromise
Sarah’s dignity by bargaining.
Through this act, Avraham taught
us the importance of our matriarch
Sarah and reminded us to always
hold her in the highest regard. He
also demonstrated the value of
respecting one’s wife, as doing so
elevates not only her but also oneself
and one’s entire family.
The same reasoning applies to
Yaakov. He could have worked less
diligently and produced less, as
Lavan’s deceit might have justified
such behavior. However, Yaakov
chose to work with all his might and
deliver the highest quality of work.
Why did he do this? The answer
lies in the fact that this labor was
part of the payment for his marriage
to his wife. Yaakov refused to
compromise, as doing so would
diminish the respect and honor
he held for his wife. One does not
bargain when it comes to the dignity
and respect of his wife. Bargaining
is for the flea market, not for matters
of such profound significance.
But this attitude was not only

how Yaakov felt about his wives; it was
a mutual feeling that worked both ways.
Leah and Rachel also held their husband
in high regard. We see this in many
clear instances, such as the names they
gave their children. For example, Leah
named her firstborn Reuven, saying,
“Since Hashem has seen my affliction,
now my husband will love me.” This
shows that her main concern was how
her husband felt, highlighting her deep
respect and longing for his affection.
Another example is when Rachel
asks for the dudaim that Reuven brought
to his mother, Leah. These dudaim were
clearly not ordinary plants; they were
believed to have significant spiritual
power. Some suggest that they had
the ability to cure infertility, which
Rachel desperately needed. Leah,
understanding this, was willing to
surrender them to Rachel in exchange
for more time with Yaakov. This shows
how much Leah valued the time spent
with her husband, willing to make a
sacrifice for it.
This highlights an important
lesson in a generation where men
are often ridiculed, such as in media
that depicts them in degrading ways,
or advertisements showing them as
clumsy, bumping into walls, or speaking
nonsense. These portrayals are part
of the larger, troubling movements
emerging worldwide. In contrast, the
Torah’s outlook emphasizes that men
should be highly respected. The same
lesson applies here: just as a wife
respects her husband, that respect will
return to her, much like a boomerang.