26 Aug ROAD SIGNS

Sometimes, you hear a story that touches
your heart, uplifts your spirit and stays with
you for years.
Rabbi Yakov Bender, Rosh HaYeshiva of
Yeshiva Darchei Torah, shared one such
story with my mother a”h, which she
included in her book, The Committed Life.
Shai was a sweet young boy but was
developmentally delayed. He attended a
school that fit his needs, but his father
would bring him on Sundays to Darchei,
where he would spend time with boys his
age and be exposed to a Torah atmosphere.
It was recess time, the boys started a
baseball game, and Shai was, of course,
included. Towards the end of the game, the
bases were loaded, and Shai was at bat. The
pitcher threw him a ball. Strike one. Second
ball. Strike two. The pitcher then slowly
inched forward, getting closer to Shai. One
of Shai’s teammates stood beside him and
held the bat together with Shai. The pitcher
lobbed the ball slowly. Wack! Base hit. Run
Shai, run, all the boys began to shout. The
opposing team players just let the ball roll

on and on towards the outfield fence. The
runners on base took off, scoring one after
another. Shai’s teammates yelled out, keep
going Shai, keep going. Shai made it to
second base, then to third base, and finally
crossed home plate. The boys picked up
Shai and carried him on their shoulders. He
was their hero. A grand-slam home run.
Shai could have walked away from the
game feeling like a loser, but the boys – on
both teams – didn’t allow that to happen. It
was a small game, but the lesson was
monumental — kindness can turn what
might have been defeat into a lifetime
memory of victory.
Rabbi Bender related to my mother how
proud he was of his fifth-grade boys. In
truth, that day, they were all heroes. That
day, the game wasn’t about winning. It was
all about chessed.
The Torah places a great emphasis on kovod
habriyos, treating every person with dignity
and respect. One must be extra careful not
to shame or embarrass another.
This week, we read parshas Shoftim.
Amongst the mitzvos mentioned in the
parsha, is the building of the Arei Miklat,

Cities of Refuge. Cities where one
who accidentally killed another,
can escape to for safety and
protection from vengeance by the
victim’s family. “You shall separate
these cities for yourselves in midst
of your land, which HaShem, your
G-d, gives you to possess.”
(Devarim 19:2). Being able to reach
these cities quickly and safely is so
essential, that in the very next
pasuk, the Torah says, “Prepare the
way for yourself”, which the
Talmud explains as meaning
placing signs at crossroads leading
to the Miklat. The signs read “Miklat,
Miklat” meaning “Refuge, Refuge”,
making the path towards these cities easy to
follow.
What an important life lesson. Even one
who is responsible for an accidental death is
saved from a potentially embarrassing and
compromising situation. The Torah teaches
us to prepare signs to protect human dignity,
even for someone who made a tragic
mistake. Asking which way to the miklat
would be a red flag, announcing his
wrongdoing. The road signs were there to
shield him from having to interact with
others along the route.
Through their life stories, our ancestors
have taught us the importance of not
shaming others. Yosef, who after being
estranged from his brothers is finally
reunited with them. Before revealing his
identity, he clears the room of all
Egyptians. Despite everything he endured,
Yosef was sensitive to his brothers’
feelings. Rashi explains that Yosef did not
want his brothers to be embarrassed in the
presence of strangers. Only when he was
alone with his brothers, did he reveal his
true identity. A sensitivity we should all
strive for.
The Talmud teaches, “Kol hamalbin pnei
chaveiro b’rabim, One who humiliates his
fellow in public, k’ilu shofech damim, it is
as though he were spilling blood.” (Bava
Metzia 58b). The term used for shaming is
malbin pnei, literally meaning to make the
face turn white. When a person is
humiliated, the color is drawn from his
face, he turns white. The same is true with
blushing, where blood flows to the face.
Shofech damim, the spilling of blood. Just
as with a physical killing blood flows, so,
too, is it with a spiritual homicide.
Rabbi Elazar Hamodai teaches in Pirkei
Avos (Avos 3:15), that there are five acts
which prevent one from having a share in
Olam Habah, regardless of their Torah
knowledge and good deeds. Amongst
them is “One who shames his fellow in
public.” The Tiferes Yisroel explains that

one who embarrasses others is in essence
shaming the honor and dignity of HaShem’s
creation, as all men are created b’tzelem
Elokim, in the image of HaShem.
There is a fine line between joking and
shaming. Why is it funny for a man to say
my wife can’t cook a thing, or for a woman
to make jokes about her husband’s naps or
weight gain. How often do we speak about
our children in front of them, while they are
cringing in the background. And then, it
passes on to the next generation. Children
mimic their parents. If that humor was
acceptable to their parents, they too will
make comments about their peers. Whether
about sports capabilities or choice of
knapsack, they might think it’s funny, but
the target of their “humor” isn’t laughing.
No one appreciates being the subject of
someone else’s jokes. Just as the Torah
placed signs to guide people with dignity,
we too should place “road signs” in our
speech and actions—signals of care and
respect that prevent others from
embarrassment.
During the time when the Beis HaMikdash
stood, Bnei Yisroel would participate in
aliyas regel, going up to Yerushalayim, for
Pesach, Shavuos and Succos. Multitudes of
travelers coming from all directions – in
contrast to the individuals going to the Arei
Miklat. Yet, in contrast to the Arei Miklat,
no directional signs were on the roads
leading to Yerushalayim. Here too is a
lesson. While the Torah wants to protect the
dignity of the individual fleeing to the
miklat, when it comes to Yerushalayim, the
opposite is true. The Torah wants to
encourage interaction between travelers
and residents along the way. How beautiful
it is for a nation to share their experiences.
The roads become roads of achdus, roads
that bring people together with happiness
and good feelings. There were no road signs
on the way to Yerushalayim because the
journey to Yerushalayim was meant to
foster connection, not isolation.
The day should come soon when we will all
be on the road to Yerushalayim. A nation
rejoicing together with the building of the
third and final Beis HaMikdash.