15 Dec SHABBOS IS IN THE AIR: VAYECHI: THE ART OF BLESSING
Parshas Vayechi is not only the concluding parsha of Bereishis, but is also the final chapter of Yaakov Avinu’s life.
While the parsha tells us about Yaakov’s last days, its name “Vayechi” connotes life. Our rabbis explain that while Yaakov may have physically passed away, his teachings and life lessons live on. “Tzaddikim, even after their death are considered alive, chaim. (Berochos 18a)
The Midrash relates that Yaakov prayed for illness before death. He wanted time to settle his affairs. From Yaakov, we learn what is truly important in life. To him, settling affairs didn’t mean consulting with a financial advisor. It meant gathering the family together for words of beracha and a parting message. Words that will always be remembered.
Each time we share words of blessings with one another, Yaakov’s legacy lives on.
“… And it was said to Yosef, your father is ill, so he took his two sons with him, Menashe and Ephraim.”
(Bereishis 48:1)
Yosef, along with his two sons, were the first to run to Yaakov’s bedside and receive a beracha. Yaakov exerted whatever little strength he had to express his love for his grandchildren. Even though his vision was failing, he reached out to them. He kissed them, he embraced them.
The love of a zeide rises above all pain. The love of a zeide is never-ending.
Just as Yosef was informed that his father was deathly ill, so too, my mother, received a call that my zeide, HaRav Avraham ben HaRav Yisroel HaLevi, zt”l was very sick. Zeide was at home, and our entire family – my parents, children, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins – all gathered together to be at Zeide’s side.
Although he was very weak, Zeide slowly raised his hands, and with a faint whisper of a voice, gave a final beracha to all of us.
A zeide’s love.
Yaakov, blessed Yosef’s sons – his grandsons – saying “By you shall the Jewish nation bless, saying ‘May HaShem make you like Ephraim and Menashe…’ “(Bereishis 48:20)
To this day, every Friday night, parents bless their sons to be like Ephraim and Menashe. Why?
Ephraim and Menashe had a most amazing relationship. Unlike sets of brothers before them, including Kayin and Hevel, Yitzchok and Yishmael, Yaakov and Eisav, and Yosef and his brothers, Ephraim and Menashe never experienced sibling rivalry or jealousy. The two truly loved each other. They “fargined” each other. We pray that our sons be like them, and not be looking over their shoulders to see what the next one has. To be genuinely happy for one another.
Another reason we bless our sons to be like Ephraim and Menashe, is that they were raised in Egypt, far from anything Jewish, yet remained close to HaShem. We daven that our children follow in their ways, no matter where life’s journey takes them.
We bless our daughters to be like Sora, Rivka, Rochel and Leah. Each of our matriarchs taught us vital life lessons. The matriarchs were strong. Though they endured hardships in life, through their passion, their love for family, and their devotion to HaShem, they succeeded to build the Jewish nation.
“Gather yourselves and listen, sons of Yaakov, and listen to Yaakov your father.”
(Bereishis 49:2)
When the twelve sons of Yaakov assembled around their father’s bedside. Yaakov had a meaningful, personalized message for each of his sons.
The Torah uses the name “Yisroel” in addition to Yaakov, for at that moment, Yaakov was speaking as the leader of Bnei Yisroel, the future Jewish nation. He gave not only words of blessing, but also words of mussar, admonition. He recognized that each child is different. Each needed his own message. He knew precisely the words that would enter each one’s heart.
Yaakov gave his children the eternal gift of a beracha.
How he blessed his children conveys a message to us as well. The art of giving a beracha.
Better than the generic “only good things… only the best… wishing you a good life…”, a beracha should touch upon the specific needs of the recipient. How much more meaningful it is to be personal, to wish a person who is ill good health, to one struggling with his livelihood, success in business, the blessing of a shidduch, the joy of a new baby, nachas from children, or as the Rebbetzin a”h often said, “to have nachas from yourself”, to be content with your accomplishments, your family, where you are in life.
Yaakov teaches us yet another important lesson. While he blessed each child individually, he made sure to do so with all of them gathered together. Though each son was deserving of their personal beracha, Yaakov wanted them to always remember that they are part of an am echad, one united people.
This message is not only for the sons of Yaakov, but for each and every family. Every family has many parts that add up to the whole. Members who may be different, who have dissimilar personalities, who are on diverse paths in life. But what makes the family unit strong, is that despite these differences, they remain united. One family. One people. One nation.
We can all use blessing in our lives. If we are sincere in the beracha we give to others, we will merit HaShem’s berachos in return. More than anyone, our children need our love and our blessings. The kedusha of Shabbos makes it a most propitious time to bless our children. Let’s use that special time on Friday night to hug our kids, to bless them, and show them that they are truly our most treasured possessions. Even if the children are already “out of the house”, call them before Shabbos, and give them a beracha over the phone. Call a friend, or a friend’s child. Give them a blessing. Show them that you care. You will have a more uplifting Shabbos. You too will be blessed.