24 Jul SHABBOS NACHAMU: WHAT IS THE COMFORT? AND THE QUICKSAND OF FAMILY FEUDING

As the nine days come
to a close with the somber
experience of Tisha Bav,
we now greet happily
Shabbos Nachamu.
But what are we really
comforted with? We
still are bereft of the
Beis Hamikdosh!? We are still under the
subjucation of the gentiles. They are even

burning a Sefer Torah in Sweden! Anti-
Semitism is breaking out all over the

globe especially in places like France. We
lull ourselves into pseudo comfort with
concerts and barbecues and a plethora of
weddings., But what is the real nachamu
nachamu ami? One aspect of the comfort
is the fact that we just spent three weeks
on reevaluating our attitude towards
hoping for Mashiach. Strengthening our
concentration on prayers such as, “Ki
liyshuascha kifinu kol hayom”-For your
salvation I hope everyday, in Shmone
esrai. And “Racheim na Hashem Elokeinu
al Yisroel amecha”-Have mercy Hashem
our G-d on Yerushalayim your city, in
Bentching. Or , “Al kein nkaveh lcha
Hashem Elokeinu liros mheira bsiferas
uzecha”-And therefore we hope Hashem
our God to see speedily your glorous

strength, in aleinu. These changes, will
certainly help to usher in the redemption
which is a true comfort.
Here’s another improvement idea. I
would like to pose to my dear readers a
question. If you had no knowledge of any
commentary by the Sages and I asked you
why you think Hashem ‘closed up’ His
House, the Temple, and moved out of the
neighborhood (for that is essentially what
the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash
amounted to), what would you say was the
reason that Hashem chose to leave us? I
believe most people would conjecture that
it was something between us and Hashem,
bein adom laMakom. Perhaps, Hashem
found our prayers lacking or we weren’t
thinking about Him enough. Perhaps it
was because we weren’t studying enough
Torah or we weren’t wearing our tefillin
with the proper concentration and with a
clean body. Maybe Hashem was disgusted
that we didn’t learn the intricate laws of
Shabbos or kashrus properly. These would
all be logical assumptions for why Hashem
packed up His bags, closed down His
House, and moved back to Heaven.
But, they would all be wrong for we know
that the Sages teach us categorically that the

Second Temple was destroyed because of
the sin of sinas chinam, senseless hatred.
It seems that Hashem could have lived in
harmony with us and could have looked
away from our indiscretions towards
Him. But, He simply could not bear
to ‘stick around’ and watch when His
children weren’t getting along one with
another, for we are Hashem’s children,
bonim atem l’Hashem Elokeichem, you
are children to Hashem your G-d.” Thus,
we are all brothers and sisters, as it says,
“Acheinu kol Beis Yisroel – Brothers, all
of the House of Israel.” This is because
we have Hashem, a common Father in
Heaven. When the children are fighting,
the parent (in this case “Parent”) can’t bear
to look and therefore Hashem declared,
“I’m out of here.”
What a powerful lesson for us to consider
as we head into the month of Elul. As
we make many preparations to get ready
for the finish line, namely Yom Kippur,
we know that the holy Day of Atonement
can only atone for sins between us and
Hashem, but for sins between us and our
fellow, there is no Divine forgiveness until
we make amends to the person that we
have wronged.
How sad that there exists infighting in
so many families. Prestigious families
ripped apart by ferocious feuds.
The primary culprits of this ugly
phenomenon are money and kavod,
honor – ironically, the two things that
Rav Avigdor Miller, Zt”l, Zy”a, used to
say that one should give to one’s son
in-law. He would wisely say: Spare the
criticism and even the advice – unless
you are asked. If you want to keep your
daughter, give your son in-law honor
and money. But, in the arena of family
dynamics, many fine families have
been torn asunder quarreling over the
yerushah, the inheritance. Sometimes,
it’s not even over the money but over
the decision maker: who should be in
control. We must learn from Hashem’s
example that when a parent sees his
or her children not getting along, it is
intolerable.
For those who are already trapped in
the maelstrom of a family feud, know
that it is a veritable quicksand. The
need to be right is so powerful that it is
almost overwhelming. Let me extend
a life preserver to such individuals.
That is, remember that when one has
negias, self-interest, even the smartest
person cannot see clearly and becomes
morally corrupted. The only way out
of the morass is to bring in a reliable,
incorruptible, Torahdig third party to
help save everyone from drowning,
sometimes eternally, in the mud and

the muck. Forewarned is forearmed.
The Torah way is stated clearly, “Hinei
ma tov u’ma naim, sheves achim gam
yochad – How good and how sweet it
is when siblings live in harmony and
tranquility. If you have the means, google
‘The Ethical Will’ of Rabbi Samson Rafael
Hirsch. There, he writes that he asked
his children only one request: that when
inevitably one of them wrongs the other,
they should forgive and forget. For when
the children are united, it will give him and
‘mommy’ great pleasure when they are in
the Afterlife.
Our realization after experiencing the sad
three weeks and knowing that ,”Kol dor
shelo nivneh beis Hamikdash byomav kilu
charov byomav’-any generation that the
Temple was not rebuilt in it’s days it’s as
if it was newly destroyed! Makes us aware
that the sin of sinas chinom-petty hatred
which destroyed the Temple in the first
place is still very much with us. It festers in
our families, our Shuls, our developments,
and at the workplace. Our renewed
commitment to do better is certainly a
nechoma and in the merit of our renewed
efforts to do better may Hashem bless us
with long life, good health, everything
wonderful, and the coming of Mashiach
speedily in our days!