03 Sep SHOFTIM: SHOWING THAT WE CARE

Parashat Shoftim begins
with a discussion of the
judges who are to be
appointed to preside over the
nation’s legal disputes. The
Torah commands the judges
not to show favoritism.
Rashi explains that this does not refer to
tilting the verdict in favor of a litigant whom
the judge likes even though he does not really
deserve to win the case. This is obvious and
does not even need to be said.
Rather, Rashi writes, this means that when
the judge hears the case, and the litigants are
presenting their arguments, he must treat
them equally. Rashi gives the example of
making one litigant stand while allowing the
other to sit. When a litigant senses that the
judge is treating him with less respect than the
other litigant, he becomes discouraged, and
cannot argue his case effectively. And so even
during the process of hearing the arguments,
the judge must treat both litigants the same
way.
Rashi’s comments present us with a valuable
lesson that is relevant not only to judges in a
courtroom, but to each and every one of us.
People are affected by our subtleties and

nuances. They can sense by the way we
communicate how we think and feel about
them. Just by telling a litigant to stand or sit,
the judge communicates what he thinks about
that litigant. And this is true of all our
interactions. People pick up the messages we
subtly convey.
I was once at a meeting with a group of
women teachers to plan an educational
program. Somebody suggested that the
program be held one evening, and I said that
this might not be a good idea, because “I think
some of the teachers might be busy then.” This
is all I said. A different time was found for the
program.
Later that night, one of the teachers texted
me, thanking me for my sensitivity. I didn’t
know what she was talking about.
She explained that she has been married for
15 years and still does not have children. She
noticed that I specifically said, “…some of
the teachers might be busy,” and not, “…some
of the teachers might be busy with their
children” – which would have been very
painful for her to hear. The little words we
speak, the way we express ourselves, can
make all the difference in the world.
So many times we hear or know of people

who are going through a
difficult time – such as financial
struggles, a medical problem,
challenges with children, older
singles, and so on. And we feel
very uncomfortable because we
have absolutely no idea what to
do. There is no way we can
solve their problem. Often, we
feel so uncomfortable that we
prefer to just not see them or
think about them. But the truth
is that while we might not be
able to solve the problem, there
is absolutely something very
important which we can do – and that is, we
can show that we care.
This is not difficult to do, especially in
today’s day and age. We just need to pick up
our phone and send a three-line message
saying hello, letting them know that we’re
thinking about them, that we’re praying for
them, that we wish them well.
We should never feel that if we can’t solve
the problem, then there’s nothing we can
do. We can – and must – show the person that
we really care. And we can do this in simple,
subtle, but meaningful ways, by reaching out,
sending a text, making a call, expressing
friendship.
This is critically important in marriage, as
well. When one spouse has a problem, the
other spouse is not “off the hook” just because
he or she has no solution. Expressing
sensitivity, respect, understanding and
concern is vitally important in any
relationship, but especially in marriage.
Let’s all make an effort to be on the lookout
for people who are struggling, who are
hurting. Even if we cannot solve their
problem, let us share a kind word and give
them the love, friendship and support that
they so desperately need.