23 Jul SHOW PARENTS & GRANDPARENTS OF IDF SOLDIERS THAT YOU CARE

For many in Israel, on
the surface, life is going
on as normal. Children
are in camp, coffee shops
and malls are full, families
are taking vacations,
some within Israel and
others abroad. And yet, beneath the surface,
as the war continues to rage in the South and
the threat of war erupting in the North looms,
nothing is truly normal.
That is true for all who live in our homeland,
but it is most true for those with family
members serving in the IDF. At the beginning
of the war, several people commented that
when asked if they have relatives in Israel
they answered, yes, seven million. If you are
part of Am Yisrael, the Jewish people, then
you must be Im Yisrael, connected to our
brothers and sister and caring about them.
That makes every soldier our son or daughter,
our brother or sister.
And yet, while we must have concern and
unease for all of our family, we cannot begin
to compare to actual parents and grandparents
of soldiers, many of whom haven’t exhaled or
slept in nine months.
This past week, we hosted a dessert reception
for parents and grandparents of IDF soldiers
in our BRS community to gather, shmooze,

enjoy delectables and, most importantly, give
chizuk, strength, to one another. I listened
intently to the reflections, thoughts, stories,
fears,, worries and tremendous faith of this
wonderful group as they went around
introducing themselves and describing who
they have in Israel and what they are doing in
the IDF.
It hurt to hear how many described their
children or grandchildren losing commanders,
fellow soldiers in their units, and living with
the loss while continuing to fight. Many
described incidents in which their child or
grandchild survived situations in combat that
could have cost them their lives.
All talked about trying to live ordinary lives
and go about their business while in the
background of their minds there is the constant
worry and fear, concern for their child or
grandchild. They wake up several times a
night, they incessantly check the news. Each
time the phone rings or buzzes their heart
skips a beat. Every Shabbos they are anxious
for Havdallah and to be in touch with what is
happening and to confirm their loved ones are
ok. Parents described worrying not only about
their child in the IDF but about their own
parents and how they were dealing with it.
Grandparents shared how concerned they are
not only for their grandchild serving but for
their children and how worried they are.

I was asked to wrap up the evening with a
thought and to give some chizuk. Despite
feeling utterly unqualified, I shared the
following: I told these parents and
grandparents how much I am in awe of them
and their families. That they all clearly did
something incredibly right and righteous in
producing progeny who would voluntarily
move to Israel or who courageously serve as
lone soldiers in the IDF and who are putting
the safety, well-being, and future of Am
Yisrael on their shoulders. They should be
overflowing with pride and satisfaction.
I mentioned that for 2,000 years Jews
gathered to give chizuk to one another as we
were helpless and passive victims of
persecution and oppression, of being exiled
and surviving extermination. The gathering
this night is to strengthen each other as
children and grandchildren have the honor to
don the uniform of the Jewish army that is not
waiting for others to determine our fate but
who are courageously and bravely fighting,
eliminating enemies, purging the world of
evil.
I mentioned that Rav Shlomo Aviner, Rosh

Yeshiva of Ateret Kohanim and Rav of Beit-
El, was asked about soldiers reciting a beracha

of Shehechiyanu when receiving their weapon.
He provides a long Halachic explanation and
defense of why he feels a Shehechiyanu is
warranted while conceding the need to own
a gun is sad and unfortunate. His closes his
argument by saying:
The fact that we have guns shouldn’t elicit
sadness that we still have wars and conflicts.
Indeed, the opposite is true, it should elicit
happiness that we have merited to be an am
chofshi b’artzeinu (free nation in our
homeland), that we have an established
Jewish government, we have an army and a
police force, that we are no longer the
punching bag of the wicked nations, but
rather we have the capacity to protect
ourselves. Would it even occur to you that
when the War of Independence began and
we had weapons in our hands to defend
ourselves after 2,000 years of Jewish blood
being spilled freely, that one shouldn’t recite
shehechiyanu with joy and gladness?! That
joy continues to carry us and protect us from
then until now. And for that reason, a
Shehechiyanu should be recited when an
Israeli soldier puts on his or her IDF uniform
for the first time.
Rav Aviner ends his responsa by quoting
his Rebbe, Rav Tzvi Yehudah Kook zt”l who
wrote: “Fighting to protect our homeland is
a mitzvah, the mitzvah of all Klal Yisroel.
Therefore, everything connected with it,
every gun and every weapon that is our
response to our enemies, everything
associated with establishing and protecting
malchus Yisroel, Jewish sovereignty, it is all
kodesh.”
I told these parents and grandparents their
children are holy people engaged in the holy
endeavor of protecting the Jewish people

and as the ones who produced such holiness
they should be filled with pride.
Most of the observations they shared that
night were understandable and even
predictable. But there was one more theme
that emerged from many of the participants
that evening that I hadn’t fully appreciated
until then and it is something we can all make
an effort to do better on.
While here in Boca Raton, though these
parents and grandparents look like they are
living normally, nothing in their lives feels
normal right now. It is hard enough to live
with constant worry and fear, but it makes it
much worse to do so feeling alone or that
others don’t acknowledge or care.
Several described that when they interact
with friends in shul or elsewhere in the
community, and aren’t even asked how are
their children and grandchildren in Israel,
what is the latest they’ve heard from their
child or grandchild serving in the IDF, it is
hurtful and leaves them feeling alone.
Loneliness compounds the tension and pain of
navigating these difficult times. Some
mentioned foolish and even hurtful questions
or comments that are made, worse than not
saying anything at all.
The Mishna in Pirkei Avos (6:6) tells us that
one of the 48 ways that Torah is acquired is
nosei b’ol im chaveiro, carry the burden with
your friend. When someone we know and love
is struggling, our mandate is to lessen their
burden, to carry it with them and ensure they
don’t feel they bear it alone. When we
demonstrate that we care, when we are
mindful to acknowledge difficulty, we are
nosei, we lift the burden which makes it just a
bit lighter for the one who has to carry it with
them constantly.
In our Weekly, we have a list of children and
grandchildren of members of our community
currently serving and fighting in the IDF.
Take the time to read it. Daven for them.
When you see their parent or grandparent, say
something, ask how they are doing, and show
that you care. It is the least we can do to lift
the burden and make it just a bit lighter.
This beautiful group of special people will
continue to gather to give and receive chizuk.
May the next gathering be a seudas hoda’ah to
celebrate the victory over our enemies, the
return of the hostages, and all of our soldiers
being safe and secure.