29 Sep SOCIAL MEDIA CONFESSIONS

 I. Social Media and 

Teshuvah

Social media allows people to publish their innermost thoughts, share their dreams and fears, discuss their concerns and challenges. You don’t have to reveal so much publicly but many people do. This seems to be supported by an anonymous mitzvah mentioned in Parashas Nitzavim but the truth is a bit more complicated.

The Torah tells us: “For this commandment which I command you this day, it is not too hard for you, neither is it far off” (Deut. 30:11). Which commandment? Ramban (ad loc.) says that this refers to teshuvah, repentance. But if the verse is talking about teshuvah, how can it say that it is not hard? Changing yourself is the hardest thing imaginable. Rav Yitzchak Blaser (20th cen., Russia; Kochevei Or, no. 6) explains this according to the Rambam’s view (Mishneh Torah, Hilchos Teshuvah 2:2) that there are four components to teshuvah: 1) stopping to sin, 2) regretting your past deeds, 3) committing in your heart not to sin again, and 4) confessing your sins. 

The first two steps in this list – stopping to sin and regretting your past deeds – do not need a commandment. They are common sense. Anyone who recognizes that he will be punished for his wrong actions will stop doing them and regret them. Rather, explains Rav Blaser, the mitzvah component applies to the last two steps in this list – committing in your heart not to sin again and confessing your sins. Once you have already stopped sinning and you regret your past sins, committing and confessing are fairly easy acts. That is why the Torah continues a few verses later: “But this thing is very near to you, in your mouth, and in your heart, that you may do it” (ibid., v. 14). In your mouth and in your heart refer to confessing past sins and committing not to sin again.

But what kind of confession does teshuvah require? Do we need to publicize all the wrong things we have done? Is social media helpful, in that sense, in the teshuvah process?

II. Concealing Sins

Rav Meir Eisenstadt (18th cen., Austria) was asked whether someone who is attempting to do teshuvah and wants to publicly confess his sin may do so (Panim Me’iros, vol. 2 no. 178). Rav Eisenstadt quotes the Gemara in Sotah (32b) which asks why we pray quietly. R. Yochanan quotes R. Shimon Bar Yochai who explains that the Sages enacted quiet prayer so as not to embarrass the sinners who confess during prayer. The Sages prove this concept from the fact that the chatas and asham are sacrificed at the same place in the Temple so that onlookers cannot tell whether the person bringing the sacrifice actively sinned. The only time it is obvious that someone is bringing a chatas sin offering is with the sacrifice for idolatry, which includes a goat. Anyone bringing the goat obviously committed idolatry. The ensuing embarrassment is part of the atonement for idolatry. From this, Rav Eisenstadt infers that the Torah prefers a sinner’s silence except for someone who committed idolatry. However, this only proves that a sinner is not required to reveal his sin. What if he wants to confess publicly?

The Gemara in Yoma (86b) contrasts two verses: “Happy is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered” (Ps. 32:1); “He who covers his sins will not succeed” (Prov. 28:13). According to the first verse, you should hide your sins. According to the second verse, hiding your sins is bad and will not succeed. Which is correct? The Gemara offers two possible resolutions. It could be that one verse is discussing sins committed publicly; those should not be hidden because people already know about them. The other verse refers to private sins which should remain private. The other possible explanation is that interpersonal sins should be revealed in order to obtain forgiveness from those who were wronged; sins between man and G-d should be kept private.

Why should you keep sins private in general, unless there is a reason to publicize them, such as you need forgiveness? Perhaps, I suggest, the Torah insists that you keep your sins private in order not to create an environment in which sin is normal and even expected (see Semak 225). If you hear people confessing their sins all the time, you will think that “everybody does it” and it isn’t such a big deal.

III. Embarrassed Over Failings

The Gemara (Sotah 7b) describes the process of the sotah, the woman warned and accused of adultery. The beis din encourages her to admit guilt to forestall the process. They tell her that Yehudah and Reuven confessed publicly to their sins and received reward in the World-to-Come. The Gemara asks why these two biblical characters confessed publicly, since Rav Sheishes says that someone who lists his sins publicly lacks shame. The Gemara explains that Yehudah did so to save Tamar’s life and Reuven did so in order to prevent his brothers from being suspected of the sin he committed. They only confessed publicly to save others.

Rav Eisenstadt sees here a general prohibition against admitting your sins publicly. You should be embarrassed of your misdeeds, not proud of them. If you need to obtain forgiveness from individuals, reach out to them directly if possible. Rav Ephraim Zalman Margoliyos (Sha’arei Teshuvah 607:2) adds that you may confess to remove suspicion from innocent people. That was Reuven’s justification for his own confession. But other than that, you should keep your misdeeds private. (See also Mishnah Berurah, Sha’ar Ha-Tziyun 607:3.)

IV. New Trends

Rav Eisenstadt says that in his day, a new practice developed of confessing your sins publicly. He rejects that practice as improper and emerging from a foreign origin. The same could be said about today’s social media confessionals. You should be embarrassed of your failings, keeping them to yourself even as you improve and overcome that past. If you need to express yourself, keep a diary and write your sins and your thoughts in the diary, not in public.

However, if you are writing about your challenges and not your sins, the reason to refrain no longer applies. According to Rav Eisenstadt and Rav Margoliyos, the problem lies in revealing your misdeeds. If you avoid lashon ha-ra and you avoid discussing your religious failings, and instead discuss the interesting circumstances of your life, perhaps should be encouraged to reveal your story. The first source we discussed above, Sotah (32b), notes that someone struck with tzara’as must call out “impure, impure” (Lev. 13:45), telling the world about his affliction. The Gemara explains that he announces his pain to the public so people will pray for mercy on his behalf.

Perhaps we can suggest that, similarly, when people write about the challenges they face in their daily lives, readers will pray for their success. If that is the case, then this kind of writing would benefit the writer with the help of others and offer readers the opportunity to pray for someone experiencing difficulties. If that is the goal, and the method achieves it, then it seems to fulfill this Talmudic model of confession to inspire prayer for mercy. And if the writing does not fall into either category of confessing sins or describing challenges, it is neither forbidden nor encouraged. Rather, it depends on the sensibility of the individual and on other, non-halachic considerations.