05 May STANDING UP FOR ONE’S PARENT

We all know that
the topic of standing
up for one’s parent
is, for one reason or
another, not as widely
practiced among
Jews as other areas of
halacha.
In this article, we will
discuss the obligation,
its reasoning, and the

various halachos related to it.
Questions addressed include: How many
times a day must one stand? How long must
one remain standing? What if one is in the
middle of davening? Does this halacha apply
in all situations? If a son is his father’s rebbe,
does the halacha change? Does mechilah
help? What about an older brother or a
father-in-law? These and other issues will be
explored.
The Source
The Gemara in Kiddushin states that when
Rav Yosef heard his mother approaching, he
would rise, saying that the Shechinah was
coming.
Many poskim maintain that this halacha
falls under the category of kibbud av v’eim
(honoring one’s parents), rather than fearing
them.
From this story, the poskim derive that one is
obligated to stand up for a parent. Since the
obligation is connected to honoring Hashem,
one must stand in honor of his father.
As a side note, many of the halachos regarding
standing for a parent are derived from the
laws of standing for a chacham or rebbe, and
we will reference those when relevant.
Mother and Father / Daughter and Son
The obligation applies equally to standing
for one’s mother and father. It also applies
equally to sons and daughters.
Young Child
A child who has reached the age where he can
learn Gemara should be trained to stand for
a parent.

Parent Not a Talmid Chacham
This halacha applies even if the parent is not a
talmid chacham, but rather a simple person. It
also applies even if the parent is young.
When the Son Is His Father’s Rebbe
The Gemara raises the question: if a son is
his father’s rebbe, must the son stand for the
father, and must the father stand for the son?
Although the Gemara leaves this unresolved,
the accepted halacha is that both should stand
for each other. Since this involves a ספק in a
Torah-level obligation (kibbud av v’eim), we
take the stringent approach.
However, there is a preference that the son
forgo his honor and stand for his father, rather
than the father forgoing his honor.
The Rama adds that if the son wishes to forgo
his honor, he may do so.
However, this should be done in private or
where people recognize the relationship. If
the son is a great Torah scholar and people
do not know his father, it may appear
disrespectful for him to stand. In such cases,
they should avoid situations that could lead to
embarrassment.
Blind Parent or Child
Even if a parent is blind, the child must still
stand. Similarly, if the child is blind, he must
stand for his parent.
Hearing the Parent Approaching Some
poskim hold that one must stand as soon as
he hears his parent approaching, based on the
story of Rav Yosef. However, this is not the
common custom.
Even according to this stricter view, it applies
only when the parent is entering the same
room. If the parent is in another room, there
is no obligation.
Within Four Amos
There is discussion whether one must stand
when a parent enters the room or only when
they come within four amos (approximately
eight feet).
Some hold that the obligation begins only
within four amos. Others say one must stand
as soon as the parent is visible, even before
they come close. This latter view is widely
followed.
How Many Times Per Day
For a rebbe, one must stand once in the
morning and once in the afternoon. According
to the Rama, Ashkenazim apply this to
parents as well, provided others saw the
earlier standing.
If new people are present who did not see one
stand earlier, one must stand again.
However, many Sefardic authorities require
standing every time the parent enters, even
many times a day.
Who Is Considered a Stranger
Relatives are not considered “new observers.”
Only unrelated individuals count. Therefore,
if only family members are present, repeated
standing is not required.
Until When Must One Stand
One must remain standing until the parent
reaches their place or sits down. If the parent

remains standing nearby, one should remain
standing as well.
However, if the parent lingers for a long time
(for example, speaking on the phone), one
may sit.
If the parent leaves the room or is no longer
visible, one may sit.
Even If the Parent Is Unaware One must
stand even if the parent does not notice. This
demonstrates respect to others and maintains
the parent’s honor.
This applies even if the parent is ill and
unaware.
Separate Rooms
If the parent is in a different room, there is no
obligation to stand.
Examples:
A child on a porch seeing a parent on the street
A son in the men’s section seeing his mother
in the women’s section A parent passing by
in a car All of these do not require standing.
Leaning
Some permit leaning while standing, but it is
preferable not to lean, especially not in a way
that one would fall without support.
If Already Standing
If one is already standing when a parent
enters, he should sit briefly and then stand
again to show honor.
Leaving Immediately
Standing must be recognizable as an act of
honor. Therefore, one should not stand and
immediately leave, as it may appear unrelated.
Instead, one should sit briefly, then stand
again before leaving—unless there is an
urgent need, such as using the restroom.
During Learning, Davening, or Berachos
One must stand for a parent even while
learning, davening, or reciting a beracha.
If a parent receives an aliyah, the child must
stand while the parent walks to and from the
bimah, but not while the parent is already
standing there.
If the father is the chazzan, the child stands
when he approaches and leaves the amud, not
throughout the entire davening.
In a Bathhouse or Similar Setting
One does not stand in a place lacking dignity,
such as an inner bathhouse where people are
undressed.
There is discussion whether this applies
equally to parents, but many poskim extend
this exemption to parents as well.
Swimming Pool
Since people are clothed to some degree,
standing is required.
Haircut
If a son is actively getting a haircut, he need
not stand. If the haircut is paused, he should
stand.
On a Bus
If a parent boards a bus, the child must stand
and offer his seat if necessary.
At Work
Technically, one should not interrupt paid

work to stand, as it causes financial loss.
However, today this is generally permitted,
since the interruption is minimal.
If real loss would occur (for example, a bus
driver stopping service), one should not stand.
Mourning
One sitting shivah does not need to stand for
a parent. Some question whether this applies
today, but this is the common ruling.
This exemption does not apply on Tisha B’Av.
Illness
A sick child is exempt from standing.
Parent in a Wheelchair or on a Bicycle
Since riding is halachically like walking, one
must stand in these cases.
If the Son Is Riding
If the son is riding (e.g., on a train), he does
not need to stand.
Parent Speaking to the Child
One should remain standing while a parent
speaks to him, unless told otherwise.
Avoiding the Mitzvah
One should not try to avoid the obligation,
such as by closing one’s eyes or positioning
oneself to not see the parent.
However, in certain cases (such as avoiding
repeated standing due to appearances), some
leniencies apply.
Pajamas
If one is in pajamas and it would be undignified
to stand, he is exempt. If properly dressed, he
must stand even if reclining.
Holding a Sefer Torah
One may not stand while holding a Sefer
Torah, as it would show disrespect to the
Torah.
Mechilah (Waiving Honor)
A parent may waive their honor, and this is
valid. However: Silence does not count as
waiver It typically applies only to specific
instances It is not advisable to rely on
permanent waiver Even with mechilah, one
should still show some minimal gesture of
respect, especially in public.
Leniency
Some hold that standing is only required
when a parent enters from outside or from a
significant מקום, not merely moving between
rooms in the same house. Many do not rely on
this leniency.
Lack of Awareness
Some suggest that the lack of observance
stems from lack of knowledge.
Greater awareness can improve observance of
this mitzvah.
Other Relatives
For relatives such as: Parent-in-law, Older
brother, Grandparent One need not stand
fully, but should rise slightly, unless they are
elderly or distinguished scholars.