19 Jun Take a Vacation with G-d not from Him
Each year, like
so many of
you, I eagerly
look forward
to my summer
vacation. Used
properly, a vacation
is not only an opportunity to
take a break from the rigors of work,
but it provides tremendous growth
opportunities. In fact, how we use
our vacation and what we do in our
down time not only reveals much
about us and our priorities, it sends a
loud message to our children as well.
Every day in Shema we recite teach
your children and speak about Torah,
when you are sitting at home
and when you are traveling on the
way. We certainly teach our children
through the words we say and
the messages we articulate. But even
more so, we teach them through our
actions and behaviors ,בשבתך†בביתך
what we do when we are at home,
and בלכתך†בדרך†, when we are out
of our homes, traveling on the road,
away on vacation.
When we are on vacation from our
job, do our children perceive we are
on vacation from our Judaism, or do
they see us use that time off from
work to do what we claim we care
about but “never have enough time
for,” to nurture and nourish our souls?
Do we find the time to attend minyan
if we normally can’t, to stay until the
end if we normally run out, to take
our time if we are normally in a rush?
Do we set goals
to finish a book
or catch up on
Torah texts or
online classes
only to instead
catch up on
popular shows
and finish
“must see” Netflix
series? Do
we truly disconnect
to be fully
present with
those that we
love in meaningful,
memorable
ways, or
do we remain absent present, still
distracted, if not by work responsibilities,
by other things competing for
our attention?
The summer is not only a time for
us adults to rejuvenate, revitalize and
refresh. Children often experience
incredible growth spurts over the
summer, sometimes to the point the
clothing they wore at the end of one
school year no longer fits by the beginning
of the next.
Similarly, the summer break represents
an amazing, often neglected opportunity
for children to grow emotionally
and spiritually as well.
I would humbly submit to you that
the two months between school years
is as important and significant in
molding and shaping a child as the
ten months they attend school.
For ten months a year, children that
attend Yeshiva Day School are wellversed
and familiar with the weekly
parsha. Do we make sure that they
study the parshiyos that fall between
June and August as well?
For ten months a year, our children
begin each day by davening to Hashem.
Do we make sure that they realize
that davening is part of a Jew’s
daily routine, whether they are in
school, working, or on vacation?
For ten months of the year, many
children wear uniforms or follow
dress codes that preserve the values
of dignity and modesty. Are those
values reinforced over the summer
or do children learn that they are just
rules for school, not for life? Our
children have chessed and community
service requirements for school,
are they encouraged to find chessed
and service opportunities when not in
school, too?
The summer provides tremendous
growth opportunities for our children,
but sadly, it also presents risks
and threats for their safety if we are
not careful and if they are not well
informed.
With our children off from school,
many of them heading off to camp
and others having more leisure time
roaming the neighborhood, there is
no better time to rededicate ourselves
to best practices for safety for our
family and community in general.
Review stranger danger. Have proper
and working smoke detectors and
carbon monoxide detectors in appropriate
locations. Lock the doors
to your car and home, no matter how
safe you feel. Make sure your pool
fence is sturdy and closed.
Don’t let children swim unsupervised
or alone, teach children to use
sunscreen, and make sure they always
wear helmets when riding bikes
or scooters. Be vigilant in reviewing
with your children where they are
going, what they are doing, who is
driving them, who else will be there,
what they are seeing, etc.
While the world is generally a safe
place and the people our children
are exposed to are almost always appropriate
and safe, sadly the threat
of abuse is real. Research has consistently
shown that the most important
and effective tool to protect our
children is education. As loving and
trusted parents, we have the capacity
to safeguard our children, but it
means having a difficult and uncomfortable
conversation.
My friend Rabbi Yakov Horowitz,
a respected voice on the topic
of child safety education, identifies
four points to communicate to our
children in order to empower them to
protect themselves and to transform
them into difficult targets for predators:
No secrets from parents – In a nonanxious,
calm conversation we must
remind our children that we love
them beyond words and that they can
feel confident confiding in us about
absolutely anything. We must make
them recognize that we take them seriously,
we will honor their concerns
and fears, and we will always do everything
in our power to serve their
best interests.
Your body belongs to you – It is
crucial for children to understand
the concept of personal space and
that our bodies belong to us, and us
alone. Our private parts are ours and
absolutely nobody, not a friend, family
member, or person in any position
of authority, can have access to them.
Good touch/bad touch – Not every
touch is bad and qualifies as abuse.
However, there is touch that is categorically
wrong and should set off
an alarm for our children. They must
understand the difference so that they
can be aware and respond appropriately.
No one should make you feel uncomfortable
– Lastly, we must communicate
to our children that no one
should make them feel uncomfortable.
If they do, they have a right
to walk away and tell someone they
trust.
Too many parents are avoiding this
talk because they think they will introduce
their children to a topic that
will make them fear adults and worry
excessively. However, the experts explain
that rather than fear adults, children
will feel safer knowing they can
trust their parents and they will feel
empowered to protect themselves going
forward.
While it is never comfortable to
broach this subject, good opportunities
for bringing it up can be bath
times for young children, clothes
shopping for older children, or at
the time of a doctor’s appointment.
Should God forbid
an issue
arise, the best
way to respond
to our children is
to tell them that
we believe them
and that we will
react swiftly and
appropriately.
Halacha (Jewish
law) is clear that
safety concerns
must be reported
to the appropriate
authorities
and all mandated
reporting laws
must be observed. Remaining silent,
covering up, or excusing inexcusable
behavior leaves other children vulnerable
to abuse and trauma that will
haunt them their entire lives and do
what can be irreparable damage.
May we all have a safe and healthy
summer and may we experience a
great spiritual growth spurt