08 Feb TETZAVEH- THE FOOLISHNESS OF A GRUDGE
The Midrash tells a fable of a bird that built a nest on the seashore, and then a wave came and destroyed it. The bird was furious. It decided to take revenge by filling the ocean with sand and moving the water onto the beach. It went ahead and, one beak-full at a time, brought some sand into the ocean and brought some water onto the beach. It went back and forth from the beach to the water, moving sand to the ocean and water to the beach. Quite obviously, this was absurd. The bird could continue doing this for 20 years and would not even come close to “punishing” the ocean.
The Midrash told this story in reference to Haman, who was so angry at Mordechai for not bowing down to him that he set out to do the impossible – destroy every Jew throughout the empire. Isn’t this ridiculous? Just because one Jew refused to bow – did it make sense to react this way, to try to have every single Jew killed?
It seems silly, but this is something that so many people do.
People are angry at a rabbi, so they refuse to have anything to do with anyone who attends that shul. A person gets fired, so he re fuses to have anything to do with anyone with any connection to the company. Somebody is offended by a sibling or sibling-in-law, and from then on refuses to have a Shabbat or holiday meal with that person, for years.
The Midrash teaches, אצוי†םדא†ןיא†ודיב†ותוואת†≠יצחו†םלועה†ןמ – “A person does not leave the world with half his desire in his hand.” Meaning, by the time a person leaves the world, he will not have attained even half of what he wanted. Most of his desires will have gone unfulfilled. The Mi drash then adds: הצור†הנמ†≠ול†שיש†ימ†תואמ†עברא†הצור≠†םייתאמ†ול†שי†≠¨םייתאמ† “One who has 100 wants 200, one who has 200 wants 400.” This seems like the explanation for the first statement – everyone always wants twice what they have, so nobody leaves the world with half of what they want.
But, there is an obvious problem with this statement. If we always want twice what we have, then how can the Midrash say that nobody has EVEN HALF of his desires? The Midrash should say instead that a person leaves this world with half of what he wants, because he wants twice that much.
The answer is very powerful, and critically important to understand.
If we want twice what we have, then we don’t really “have” anything. We cannot enjoy the 100 that we have if we feel we need 200. When we feel dissatisfied with what we have, then in essence, we don’t have anything.
The same is true about grudges.
If we hold a grudge against somebody for something he did, then we cannot enjoy our lives. Haman had just about everything he could have possibly wanted, but he felt he had nothing because of his grudge against Mordechai. When we allow our resentment to consume us, we deny ourselves the ability to be happy. We end up having nothing.
Unlike animals, which are controlled by their instincts, we are stronger than our instincts. We can act rationally and intelligently. Holding onto resentment is simply foolish, and is unnecessary. If we feel upset by something someone said or did, we need to know that we’re strong enough to ignore it, to let it go, to not be fazed.
Keeping resentment boiling and festering in our hearts hurts nobody but ourselves. It hampers our ability to enjoy our blessings in life. Let us not make the same mistake as Haman. Let us recognize our strength to overcome hard feelings, to eliminate grudges, and live happily with all the wonderful blessings Hashem has given us.