07 Jun THE HOME

The Home A first

grade melamed was

confronted with a

problem; one of the

students of his class

was stealing. He

first realized that

there was a

problem when the children of his classroom

began complaining that their snacks, which

they brought from home, were missing.

Then, the melamed noticed that several

classroom items were also missing – such as

books, pens and toys. He began coming to

the classroom when the children were out for

recess and he discovered the child who was

responsible for the thefts. It was a sweet boy,

Yochanan. From all children, the melamed

would never suspect Yochanan. This

six-year-old boy had exceptionally good

middos, he behaved well in class, and as far

as anyone could see, he was brought up in a

very warm, loving, G-d fearing home. The

melamed called Yochanan’s parents and told

them what he discovered. “We can’t just let

these episodes pass,” he pointed out to the

parents. “We must stop the trend, before it

becomes a habit.” The parents said that they

also suspected that there was a problem.

They also saw that items of their home

(including money) were disappearing, and

they promised that they would speak with

their son Yochanan. After speaking with

Yochanan, the parents discovered the root

of the problem. The mother’s elderly

mother lived with them and she slept in

Yochanan’s room. She wasn’t permitted to

eat sugar, but because of her old-age and

failing mind, she didn’t totally realize her

situation. At nighttime, when no one was

around, she would sneak into the kitchen,

steal some sweets and conceal them into her

drawer. Later each morning, when the

elderly grandmother wasn’t watching, the

mother would secretively open up her

drawers, and steal the snacks

back.Yochanan would watch this

happening. He saw his grandmother

stealing, he saw his mother stealing, and

this is how he acquired this bad habit. This

story reminds us that children learn from

what they see. Parents should therefore be

cautious that children see good middos and

yiras shamayim in the home, and then, they

will copy these traits. Parents send their

sons to cheder, their girls to school, and

they think that with that, they’ve completed

their obligation of chinuch. They’ve

forgotten just how influential the home is.

Before Mattan Torah, Hashem said,

– – –

(Shmos 19). The women are called

(see Rashi). Some ask, if are

the men, shouldn’t the women be called

 ? Why are they called 

? We can answer this question with the

following mashal: Someone had a lot of

phlegm in his throat; he couldn’t even

speak. Doctors told him that there were two

remedies to his problem. One method is to

take medicines, which will clean his throat.

The other method is to be in a heated room

with many spices and incense. The

smell of the spices and incense, together

with the heat of the room, will clear up

his throat. These are the two paths that

people can use to conquer the yetzer

hara. One path is to take medicine, and

that medicine is Torah study, as Chazal

say, “I created the yetzer hara, [and] I

created Torah as its remedy” (Kidushin

30). When one studies Torah, he is

cured from the influences of the yetzer

hara. Chazal therefore say, “If you are

confronted with this disgusting [yetzer

hara] draw him into the beis medrash. If

the yetzer hara is hard like a stone, it

will melt. If it is like iron, it will

shatter…” (Sucah 52). Torah is always

the first and strongest remedy people

should use to overcome the yetzer hara.

But what should women do? They don’t

study Torah. They can’t take this

medicine. They should use the second

remedy: They need to be in a warm

house, where good smelling incenses

and spices permeate the atmosphere. Or

in other words, girls should be raised in

a warm and loving home permeated

with the scents of Torah and yiras

shamayim. They should experience in

their home the warmth of Yiddishkeit.

When they do, the yetzer hara will

automatically leave them. The yetzer

hara, and all its inducements, cannot

compete with the wonderful atmosphere

of a Jewish home. All enticements of

the yetzer hara will be ignored, because

she has experienced far better. We now

understand why the Torah refers to

women as the house of

Yaakov, because it is the house, filled

with Torah and yiras shamayim that is

so essential for women. This is their

remedy against the yetzer hara. 8 The

Gemara (Succah 56) says, “A story

happened with

Miriam the

daughter of Bilgah

who was an

apostate and

married a Greek

official. When the

Greeks came into

the heichel of the

Beis HaMikdash

(to defile it, in the

days of the

Chashmona’im) she kicked the mizbeiach

with her sandal and said, ‘Lukos! Lukos!

(Fox in Greek, referring to the mizbeiach).

For how long will you devour the money of

the Jewish people…?’ When the

chachamim heard about [how she disgraced

the mizbeiach, they punished her entire

family].” The Gemara asks, why should the

entire family suffer if one member sinned?

The Gemara replies, “A child speaks in the

marketplace what she hears from her father

or mother.” The chachamim understood

that if Miriam bas Bilgah was kicking and

disgracing the mizbeiach, she must have

acquired this attitude from her parents. Her

parents never kicked the mizbeiach, as

Miriam bas Bilgah did, however, Miriam

bas Bilgah’s behavior implied that her

parents didn’t value the avodah of the Beis

HaMikdash. Her father was a cohen; he

served in the Beis HaMikdash, but his

negative view influenced his family, and

this resulted with Miriam’s disrespectful

deed. Her parents therefore deserved to be

punished together with her. A father was

trying to teach Mishnayos-baal-peh (by

heart) to his son, but the child would

immediately forget everything he learnt.

Apparently, he was born with poor

memory, the father decided. One day, he

was with his son in the market where an

Arab was selling fruits and vegetables. To

attract people’s attention, he was calling out

his wares: “Watermelons, sweet like honey!

Delicious pineapples! Largest selection of

dried fruits! Come here for the best

prices…!” Later that day, the father

overheard his son mimicking the Arab

merchant. He repeated each and every word

that the merchant said, without missing a

syllable. So he does have a good memory,

after-all. The father said to his rav, “I am

afraid that there is something wrong with

my son. He can’t remember Torah. I

thought he has a bad memory. But I

discovered that he has an excellent memory

when it comes to worldly matters. Only

when it comes to Torah, he doesn’t

remember anything.” The rav told him,

“Nothing is the matter. Your son is fine. If

you will learn Mishnayos with your son

with the same fervor the merchant sells his

wares, your son will remember every word

of the Mishnayos as well.” Children pick up

on what is important for the parents. If

emunah, Torah, and yiras shamayim is

important to the parents, the children will

realize it and acquire it.