16 Sep THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART: SILENT DEVOTION

There are various
aspects to the
relationship we share
with Hashem: at
times it is compared
to that of a child and
father, at other times
to a servant and master, and in yet another
dimension to a husband and wife. Each of
these reflects a different facet of our bond
with Him.
The difference between the relationship of a
son and that of a slave is that a father desires
the good of his son and asks him to do things
for the son’s own benefit, whereas a slave
works solely for the benefit of the master.
We also explained that in the relationship of
husband and wife, the wife does not act
solely for her husband’s sake nor for her own
sake. Rather, her actions are for the sake of
the shared whole. Since husband and wife are
considered one unit, everything one does is
for the benefit of that unity itself—not for
either side alone, but for both together as one.
Thus, when a wife does something for her
husband, she experiences pleasure as if she
had done it for herself. This is because their
relationship is one of true unity. As Chazal
said: “A man’s wife is as his own body,” and

as the pasuk states: “Bone of my bones and
flesh of my flesh,” and: “Therefore a man
shall cling to his wife, and they shall become
one flesh.” These teachings show that
husband and wife are not two separate
entities but one. Therefore, whenever one
does for the other, it is felt as though he is
really doing for himself.
In the tefillah on Rosh Hashanah, immediately
after the sounding of the shofar, we say to
Hashem: if we are like children, then have
mercy on us as a father has mercy on his
sons; and if we are like servants, then our
eyes are lifted toward You, awaiting Your
verdict.
It seems that the request of the slave is based
on the pasuk in Tehillim (123:2): “As the
eyes of slaves follow their master’s hand, as
the eyes of a maidservant follow the hand of
her mistress, so our eyes are toward Hashem,
awaiting His favor.”
We need to clarify the difference between
these two modes of relating. In the case of the
son, we ask that Hashem should have mercy
on us, as a father has mercy on his child. By
contrast, in the case of the slave, there is no
request at all—only the description of
looking upward, awaiting the master’s will.

This also raises a question: why is there no
mention here of the third form of relationship,
that of husband and wife, which we
previously discussed?
Let’s begin by explaining the difference
between a son and a slave. A son has no
hesitation in asking his father for what he
wants, because that is the nature of their
relationship. From the moment he is born, the
son is accustomed to requesting things—he
cries for food, and if it is not given to him
immediately, he screams. The father, in turn,
provides what the child needs, and through
this the child learns that whatever he requires,
he can ask for and receive. As he grows older,
he no longer cries, but he still feels no
resistance to asking politely for what he
needs.
The slave, on the other hand, knows he
cannot request anything. He has no rights,
and the master is not concerned with the
slave’s benefit but with his own. Therefore,
the slave has no standing to ask for his needs.
All he can do is look toward his master in
silent hope that the master will grant him
food or other necessities.
Then there is a third relationship—that of
husband and wife. Rav Leib Mintzberg (בן
ומוסר חכמה מלך (explains that in this
relationship, the wife desires to do her
husband’s will and is constantly seeking
ways to make him happy. But an important
condition defines this bond: it must be
carried out without the husband demanding
it. The wife wishes to fulfill her husband’s
will willingly, and the husband likewise
seeks to fulfill his wife’s will without her
needing to askIf one side were to demand or
request directly, it would disrupt the natural
flow of giving—shifting it from a willing
desire to fulfill the other’s wishes into a
mere obligation or demand. Therefore, the
wife is always searching for what will bring
joy to her husband, making his desires her
goal to fulfill—and the same is true in
reverse with the husband toward his wife.
Reb Mintzberg points out that while our
tefillot often use terms such as children and
slaves, we never find tefillot phrased as
requests in the relationship of a spouse. For
example, we say Avinu, Malkeinu,
Adoneinu, or Avinu Malkeinu, we have
sinned before You, but we never use the term
“spouse,” because it carries the special
connotation of a quiet, unspoken relationship
of love.
That is the essence of the Torah Sheba’al
Peh, the Oral Law. The mefarshim ask where
in the Torah we find the obligation to follow
the laws of Chazal, and they answer that it is
not explicitly written anywhere. Rather,
Chazal understood intuitively that this is
what Hashem desires, and we follow because

we wish to fulfill His will.
This brings us back to the Rosh Hashanah
prayers, when we ask Hashem for mercy as
children and declare that our eyes are lifted
toward Him like a slave, while intentionally
omitting the third relationship. This omission
is understood as a profound, silent hint. By
mentioning the first two relationships and
purposely ignoring the third, we are signaling
to Hashem that we are His spouse. Just as in
a husband-and-wife relationship no words
are needed to convey care, so too here we
remain silent, trusting that He will act on our
behalf. Moreover, His care should not be for
us individually, but for the special unity we
share with Him. He should act not for us as
separate entities, but for the bond that unites
us—Him and us as one.
Another similar idea is found concerning the
simanim we eat at the Rosh Hashanah meals.
What is the purpose of the simanim? Why
can’t we simply ask for what we want without
using these items, and why are there different
types of food? According to the Gemara, one
simply eats the items and does not need to
say anything. Also, why are they called
simanim—or “hints” in English?
The answer is that everything we do on Rosh
Hashanah is meant to hint at our desires, just
as we explained before in the relationship of
a spouse. We are not asking directly. Just as
when a husband comes home, his wife
intuitively knows what he needs—whether to
eat, relax, or have coffee or a cold drink—so
too, with the simanim, we hint rather than
request. This is the essence of the relationship:
no asking is necessary, because asking
diminishes the subtle power of the bond—the
ability to sense the other’s needs without
words.
The same idea is reflected in the shofar.
Chazal say that the sound of the shofar
expresses crying, as we learn from the mother
of Sisera, who cried. But why do we cry with
the shofar? Chazal explain that this crying
reminds Hashem of the Akedat Yitzchak, and
when He remembers it, He judges us with
mercy. Once again, this is all done without
words—just through the act of crying.
Let us pray that Hashem will answer our
needs and grant us all a good, healthy, and
successful year.