27 Jun THE POISONOUS TRAIT OF A NEGATIVE ATTITUDE

When Balak, king of
Moav, saw that the great
giants Sichon and Og
fell to the Bnei Yisroel,
he was filled with terror.
These giants who were
born before the Great
Flood and had dinosaur-like dimensions
(Sichon was actually born in the ark)
and were Balak’s safety buffers from
the Bnei Yisroel. When they were
squashed, he felt very vulnerable and
very afraid. He therefore took the
drastic step to hire the prophet, Bilam,
to curse the Bnei Yisroel. He sent Bilam
the following message, “Ki yidativ eis
asher tevoraich m’vorach v’eis asher
ta’or yu’ar – For I know, he who you
bless is blessed and he who you curse
will be cursed.”
The Masuk Haor asks two questions.
First, why didn’t Balak ask Bilam to
bless Moav with security and serenity
rather than asking him to curse the
Bnei Yisroel? Second, why did he
change tenses and say to Bilam that he
who you bless is blessed while he who

you curse will be cursed? He answers
with the following idea. Balak’s entire
strength, as the Gemora explains, is that
he was able to pinpoint the exact rega,
second, that Hashem gets angry, and at
that moment his curses were extremely
effective. Balak knew that Bilam did
not have the power to issue blessings. It
is for this reason that he said, “I know if
you bless someone and it works it was
because he was already blessed. It has
nothing to do with you. But I know if
you curse someone, he will be cursed
because that is your expertise.”
This is what the Mishna says in Pirkei
Avos in the fifth Perek, Mishna 22.
Bilam had an ayin ra’ah, an evil eye.
He always saw the bad, not the good.
The Mishna says that anyone who has
such a trait is a disciple of Bilam and
will likely end up in Gehenom. Pirkei
Avos has a lot to say about this poor
character trait. In the second Perek,
Mishna 14, the great Reb Yochanan
ben Zakai asked his elite disciples to
investigate what is the worst character
trait that a person can have. Reb Eliezer

answers ayin ra’ah, the evil eye.
Just two Mishnas later, in the
16th Mishna, Reb Yehoshua
says that, “Ayin ha’rah, yetzer
ha’rah, v’sinas habrios motzein
es ha’adam min haolom – The
evil eye, evil inclination, and
hatred expels a person from this
world.” Imagine, the evil eye is
mentioned before the evil inclination!
That’s how dangerous a negative look
is.
The person with a “negative look” sees
the Catskills stores making a killing
in business and reacts grudgingly.
“They are overcharging and taking
advantage of me”. Similarly, one with
an evil eye sees his friend getting
a new summer home and declares,
“What an ostentatious fellow!” He
eyes his neighbor with a late model
car and comments to his wife, “What
a pampered and spoiled individual.”
People with an evil eye always see the
dark side of life, what they are missing
and not what they have. This is one
of the reasons why the Mishna says it
expels the person from this world –
because these people are perpetually
unhappy and melancholy dissatisfied
and irritable. These are all recipes
for all kinds of ill health.
It is important from a young age to
cultivate in our children a positive
attitude towards life and the ability
to enjoy other people’s advantages.
My good friend, Yossi Tov, a.k.a.
Country Yossi, crafted a beautiful
song where he teaches the children
to fargin, fargin, fargin. This is a
Yiddish word which means not to
look begrudgingly at other people’s
prosperity. Not to be envious of
friends going to Florida during
winter break even if you can’t, to be
happy for those going to camp even
if you have to stay home, and for the
older children to enjoy if someone
becomes a Chosson or Kallah even
if they are still single. The Mishna
tells us that one who embraces
such an attitude is a true disciple of
Avraham and will have good in this
world and in the Next.
An evil eye is especially important
to avoid between husband and
wife. If a spouse dwells over every
negative move their partner makes,

they will be doomed to perennial
unhappiness. The marriage partner
that can look away from momentary
lapses will save him or herself much
grief. They will also be recipients of the
great reward. “Kol hamavir al midosav
mavirin mimenu al kol pisha’auv –
Whoever overlooks what is they’re
due, Hashem will overlook all of their
sins.” Furthermore, a spouse who is
jealous over their partner’s happiness
cannot be expected to help further their
mate’s happiness. If a wife constantly
sees the bad in her husband, she can’t
successfully be an eizer, a helper; nor
can a husband who focuses on the bad
in his wife successfully fulfill “v’simach
es ishto”, to gladden his wife. For with
negative feelings one to another, it is
unlikely they will be instrumental in
furthering each other’s happiness. How
wonderful it is to cultivate in marriage
a Teflon personality, where the small
nuisances of life slip off and are not
made a big deal of. This is a work of a
lifetime, but it is oh so worth it.
May Hashem bless us with an attitude
of, “V’ahavta l’reicha k’mocha,” to
love our friends like ourselves and to
be happy for their advantages as if they
were our own, and may we always see
the cup half full instead of half empty.
In that merit, may we blessed with
long life, good health, and everything
wonderful.