05 Nov THE TRUE BIRCHAS HABAYIS

Many people buy a
choson and kallah a
Birchas HaBayis plaque
to hang in their new
home. It contains the
wish that their house be
blessed with all kinds
of success, peace and
prosperity, children, and harmony. But, these
things are not acquired by the possession of
any plaque. What can one do to ensure these
most coveted blessings?
The Gemora in Bava Metzia reveals the
secret in no uncertain terms. “L’olam y’hei
adom zahir b’kvod ishto sh’ein habracha
metzuya b’soch beiso shel adom ela bishvil
ishtto – A person should always be careful to
respect his wife, for blessing is only found
in a man’s home because of his wife.” The
Gemora cites as a proof to this rule, the
verse, “U’l’Avram heitiv b’avura – And to
Avram He (Hashem) was good because of
her (his wife Sarah).”
This lesson demands careful study for
Hashem chose as his example Avraham
Avinu who we would think would deserve
of Hashem’s blessing for many other
reasons. After all, Avraham Avinu was a
man of great kindness and charity, and we
know that Hashem always promises material
wealth to those who are charitable. He was

also a man of Torah, as the Medrash teaches
us that Avraham Avinu studied a tractate of
Avodah Zorah that had 400 folios. Yet, the
Gemora reveals to us that the elusive pursuit
of bracha, blessing, can be found only with
the respect to one’s mate. Perhaps this is one
of the reasons why this dictum of Chazal
starts with the word l’olam, always, for it
emphasizes that even if a person has many
other merits, he cannot afford to neglect
respect to his wife. For therein lies the secret
of one’s domestic happiness.
But there are other reasons why the Gemora
chooses to use the emphatic l’olam, always.
I believe the Gemora is inferring from the
fact that Hashem taught us this lesson during
a very trying episode of Avram and Sarai’s
lives. It was when she was abducted by
Paroh, and Avram was afraid that he might
be killed. Yet Hashem chose this precise
juncture to teach us the importance of
respecting a wife. This is to teach us that
even in trying times, when under extreme
stress, we must hold dear to the responsibility
to cherish and treat with great care our soul
mate.
Rava, the great Talmudist, was also
the pulpit rabbi of the wealthy town of
Mechuza. There, he advised his congregants
and townspeople, “Okiru neshaichu k’dei
d’tisasru – Honor your wives in order

that you should be wealthy.” Rava knew
that wealthy people especially tend to get
preoccupied and distracted and often neglect
that which they take for granted. So Rava
wanted to redirect their priorities and to
remind them that the secret of their blessing
does not lie in their business acumen or their
financial prowess, or even in a craftsman’s
skill. Rather, it hinges upon how they take
care of their partner. Hashem makes a
simple equation, “I gave you a wife. The
way you take of her, that’s the way I will
take care of you.”
When the Gemora says l’olam, always,
it comes to teach us that we should avoid
treating our wives robotically, out of habit.
We should desist from treating them shabbily
when they are not appealing because of
exhaustion, from children and housework,
and even when they are irritable or even
sometimes unpleasant because of the rigors
of family life. We should steel ourselves
to be tender even through the rollercoaster
of emotions they exhibit when pregnant, or
after birth, and we should be loving even
through the challenges of life’s changes.
When we make this pursuit a priority, then
Hashem will truly bless our homes with a
lasting Birchas HaBayis.
May it be the will of Hashem that all those
who are single find their mate quickly so

they can begin practicing these virtues,
and that all homes which are facing marital
challenges, may Hashem give us the strength
to reverse the tide and bring blessings to our
homes. In that merit, may Hashem bless all
of us with long life, good health and all kinds
of sweetness.