01 Feb THE UPSHERIN

A male child’s first haircut is called an upsherin, which is taken from the German words “sherr” (cut) and “up” (off). It is also called chalakah. The mitzvah accomplished by cutting the hair is forming peyos on the child. The Chinuch says the mitzvah of peyos removes us from the goyim. Others say the reason to cut their hair to form peyos is to train the child not to go in the ways of the goyim who grow their hair long. When cutting the hair one should have in mind to fulfill the mitzvah of peyos harosh. The reason for the simcha on the day of the haircut is because the child is beginning to fulfill the mitzvah of having peyos.

Different Ages

There are many different customs as to the age that one cuts his child’s hair. Some have the custom not to wait at all, and cut the child’s hair as it grows. Others have the custom to wait until child is nine months old. Others cut the child’s hair at two years, since this is generally when the child is weaned. Some even wait until four or five years old before cutting the child’s hair. However, many have the custom to cut the child’s hair when the child reaches the age of three. Some say the reason for this age is because just as the first three years of fruits are off limits and the fruits of the fourth go to Hashem, a child is also “off limits” in his first three years since he can not speak as well, and in the fourth year when he begins to speak he is dedicated to Hashem.

Day or Night

Based on the writings of the Arizal hair should not be cut after mincha gedolah. Some say the reason for this is because we are scared one would forget to daven mincha. At an upsherin this is usually not the case since there is a minyan made before or after the haircut. Others say the upsherin should be done in the morning. However, many Gedolim cut the hair of a child at night, and in fact this seems to be the custom of many people.

Cutting the Hair Earlier and Later

There is a discussion in the poskim if those who hold one makes the upsherin when the child turns three are allowed to make it earlier or later. Many say that one should only cut the hair on the day the child turns three years old. The Chazzon Ish says making the upsherin earlier than it is supposed to be is not good for the success of the child and does damage to him. It would seem the reason is because you are making the child wear something when he is not ready for it, and it may cause him to hate mitzvahs. However, there are some poskim who maintain that one may make the upsherin earlier than the child’s third birthday.

If the child’s hair is so long that it causes the child pain then one is permitted to cut the hair before the child’s third birthday.

When the day to cut the child’s hair falls out on Shabbos, the hair may be cut on Friday, while others say that it should be pushed off until Sunday.

Where to make the Upsherin

There is a discussion in the poskim if one is allowed to cut a child’s hair in a shul. Many say that doing so is permitted, while others hold it may not be done. It would seem that if one will not be giving the child a complete haircut one is permitted to do it in a shul even according to those who are stringent. L’maseh, even if one only cuts a little bit of hair it should not be done in shul. If the upsherin must take place in shul it would be better to perform the upsherin in the women’s section.

Hundreds, if not thousands of people, cut their children’s hair in Meron on Lag B’omer, as was the custom of the Arizal. Some say the reason is so that the holiness of Rav Shimon Bar Yochai will be a zechus for the child. Others say the reason is because hair is part of the yetzer hara which was taught to us by Rav Shimon Bar Yochai when he gave us the Zohar. Many have the custom to go to Meron to cut a child’s hair even before the child turns three. Others say one should only wait to go to Meron if the child was born during sefira. If the child was born after Shavuos or before sefira then one should not go to Meron to cut his hair.

On Thursday

The Taz is of the opinion that taking a haircut (or cut one nails) on Thursday is not an honor for Shabbos since the hair will grow on Shabbos. Many poskim argue with the Taz, and permit taking a haircut on Thursday. Accordingly, if the child’s birthday is on Thursday one is permitted to have the upsherin.

Rosh Chodesh

Some say if a child’s upsherin falls out on Rosh Chodesh one should push it off to a different day.

Ben Hashmushos

A child who is born during ben hashmushos should have his upsherin the day after his birthday. A child who was born after shekia and before ben hashmushos should have his upsherin on his birthday.

Chol Hamoed

A child who was born on Chol Hamoed may have his upsherin on Chol Hamoed. If a child was born the last days of Yom Tov one may cut the child’s hair on Chol Hamoed if he so desires.

Ben Hametzarim- The Three Weeks

There is a discussion in the poskim if a child born during the three weeks may have his hair cut during this time. The minhag seems to be that one can cut his hair unless it is the week of Tisha B’av.

Who should cut the Hair?

One should explain to the child what will be taking place during his haircut.

It is proper for the father of the child to be present and cut the child’s hair since he is obligated in the mitzvah. The custom seems to be that the mother of the child does not cut the hair. Many people have the custom to go around to different tzadikim on the day the child’s hair is cut so the tzadik can cut off some hair. Some say there is no source for one to go to different tzadikim to cut the child’s hair. One should invite relatives to cut the hair.

It is very important for the people who are cutting to know where and where not to cut, to make sure that the place of the peyos is not cut in a forbidden manner.

One should not take a haircut with a goyisha barber. The reason is because we are concerned the goy may kill him. If there is a mirror so one can watch the goy, or there are other people present then it is permitted. Some say if the goy is getting paid it is permitted. However, many say that based on reasons of kabbalah one should not take a haircut from a goy.

A child who is getting his first haircut should not take it from a goy. The Sdei Chemed says there is no simcha if the child’s hair is cut by a goy. This is especially true since a child on the day of his upsherin is not supposed to see a goy (as will be discussed later)..

How to Begin Cutting

Before the hair is cut one should gather the peyos to make sure they are not accidentally cut. Generally one should use scissors to cut. Some people have the custom to start cutting in the place of the tefillin.

Minhagim after the Haircut

After one cuts hair he is obligated to wash his hands, this is even if he is cutting someone else’s hair. There is a discussion in the poskim if one is required to wash his hands after cutting a child’s hair at an uphserin, since only a little bit of hair is cut before going to a barber to cut the rest of the hair. It would seem that the people who only cut a little bit of the hair are not required to wash their hands afterwards. The child himself should wash his hands after receiving his upsherin.

What to do with the Hair

Many have the custom to place the cut hair in a bag before throwing it out. One should not throw the cut hair on to the floor. Some take the hair and see how much it is worth in gold and give that money to tzedaka, and this is a segula that the child will be a talmid chachum. Others place the hair in shaimos.

The Simcha

One should make a party (and invite many guests) to celebrate his being able to train his child in the mitzvah of peyos by being able to give him a upsherin. One should also give shevach to Hashem for giving him this opportunity. If possible, the party should be made with music, etc. Many have the custom to distribute schnapps and cake on the day one is zocheh to give his child an upsherin..

Wearing a Yarmulka

Wearing a yarmulka brings a person to fear Hashem, and protects one from sinning. The word yarmulka (in Hebrew) stands for “yure malka” fear of the king. Some poskim are of the opinion that a young child should wear a yarmulka even before his upsherin. However, the custom of most people is for the child to begin wearing a yarmulka on the day he turns three, even though the inyun of wearing a yarmulka is not related to the inyun of an upsherin.Therefore, if for some reason one does not cut the child’s hair on the day he turns three, the yarmulke should still be placed on the child. One should train his child not to re-move his yarmulka throughout the day.

Tzitzis

The custom is that a child does not wear tzitzis until he turns three. Although the tzitzis have no connec-tion to the yarmulka or the upsherin, the same day. Therefore, one who does not get his hair cut on his third birth-day should still begin wearing tzitzis on that day.

Going to Cheder

It is customary that on the day the child’s hair is cut he is taken to cheder where a rebbe performs many different customs. Some say if for some reason the child’s hair is not cut on his third birthday he should still be brought to the cheder, while others say this should not be done. The day the child goes to cheder is like the day the Torah was given to klal yisroel, and one should choose a rebbe who is a G-d fearing person. Although the child may begin learning with a morah one should still go to a rebbe on the day of the upsherin. The day the child goes to cheder his hands should be washed netiylas yu-dayim. The child should be cleaned from any dirt on his body, and should be dressed in Shabbos clothes. Carrying the Child The custom is for the father to be the one to bring the child to ched-er. When going with the child to cheder the child should be covered. Although the seforim do not quote a custom to wrap a child in a tallis on the day he goes to cheder, the minhag is to cover him with a tallis. The child is covered to ensure that he does not see any impure things (such as a dog, horse, or goy) on the day of his upsherin (if he goes to cheder that same day). The child should also be covered after he leaves the cheder. Others have the custom only to cover the child when he is going to cheder but not when he leaves.

Seder of Learning

At the cheder the child should be put on the rebbes lap. Using a luach with letters of the aleph bais written on it, the rebbe should read each letter with the child repeating after him. Some read the letters in the reverse order starting with Tuf, Shin, Reish, Kuf. A child who does not want to repeat after the rebbe does not have to be forced to do so. The rebbe should say Torah Tzivah Luno Moshe, and Torah Teheiy Umnuseiy… Some also say Hamalach Even if the child’s hair was not cut on the day of his third birthday, he should still be taught the aforementioned pesukim. The rebbe should place honey on the letters and allow the child to lick the honey off of the letters. Before licking the honey a shehakol should be recited on the honey. The reason for licking the honey is a simon that the Torah should be as sweet as honey to the child. Some put the honey only on the letters of aleph, mem and tuf (the luach or siddur with the aleph bais to read from, one may write the letters on a piece of paper or on a blackboard.

The Piece of Cake

One should bring a piece of cake to the child made from honey. This cake is eaten to open his heart to the Torah. Some write pesukim on the piece of cake, while others say this should not be done because one is erasing To-rah. Many poskim mention the inyun of eating the cake but do not mention writing pesukim on it. It would seem that one should do whichever way he feels, however it seems most people do not have the custom to place pesukim on the cake.

Egg

Some mention the custom to give the child a boiled egg to open the child’s heart to the Torah.

Candies

The child should distribute bags of candies to the children in the cheder.