17 Jan VAERA: BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

IN MOSES’ LIFE,
THE WOMAN
NEEDED TO
LEAD
Aunts & Nephews
“Amram took Yocheved)
his aunt as a wife, and she bore him Aaron
and Moses.”
This is the story recorded in this week’s
Torah portion, Vaeira . Amram, in other
words, married his father’s sister. Both
Amram’s father (Kehoth) and his wife
(Yocheved) were daughters of Levi, the
third son of the Jacob-Leah dynasty .
Now, as we know, the marriage of an aunt
and a nephew would, in time, become
prohibited for the Jewish people and would
be defined in the Torah as an immoral and
un- Hashemly union. An uncle may marry
his niece (3*), but an aunt cannot marry her
nephew. So why would Amram and
YochVbed, two of the great people of Israel
at the time , enter into a relationship that
would later become forbidden for all of their
offspring?
True, during that time, prior to the giving of
the Torah, this type of marriage was not

forbidden. Still, Amram and Yocheved were
fully aware that this union would one day
become forbidden and that their grandparents
observed the Commandments even before
they were officially presented to the people
of Israel . Why, then, would they subject
themselves to a problematic relationship ?
The enigma deepens considering the fact
that it was this marriage that gave rise to
little Moses, the messenger who would
transmit Hashem’s law to Israel, including
the instruction against marrying one’s aunt.
Yet Moses himself is born precisely from
such a relationship ! How do we understand
the fact the giver of the Torah was the child
of a marriage forbidden in the Torah?
Give and Take
To understand this, we must first attempt to
comprehend why the Torah permits the
marriage of an uncle with his niece while
prohibiting the union of an aunt with her
nephew?
One of the answers to this question has to do
with some of the physical, psychological
and mystical differences between the
masculine and feminine genders.
Jewish mysticism teaches that a woman’s
uniqueness lies in her ability to accept and

internalize, while a man’s
fulfillment lies in his ability to
project and bestow.
This is expressed, of course, in the
physical structures of their bodies
and in the nature of their physical
union, where the man protrudes and
projects while the woman accepts
and internalizes. But the biological
differences reflect their
psychological and spiritual
structures as well.
One of the most fulfilling
experiences for many a woman is the silent
but powerful moment of welcoming and
taking in another person’s soul. Women,
more than men, naturally crave and cherish
the experience of a genuine relationship.
The Talmud, written around 1,700 years
ago, states that women instinctively feel an
inner void that compels them to seek a
relationship that fills that emptiness. While
men often deceive themselves that they are
complete in and of themselves, many a
woman needs no more than a moment’s call
to become fully emotionally present to
embrace the loving or aching heart of
another human being.
A man’s primary satisfaction lies in his
power to give, to bestow and to project,
while a women experiences deep joy and
serenity in her ability to be there and take
it in. Man often feels the urge to change a
situation and rectify a problem, while
women see the experience of “receiving”
as an end in and of itself.
This does not mean to say that a woman
does not cherish the opportunity to
influence, give and transform. Yet women
accomplish these objectives by
internalizing rather than by
overwhelming; through silence more
than through noise; by being rather than
by projecting. The Kabbalah states that
the souls of most men originate within
Hashem as a creator, while the souls of
most women stem from Hashem as an
essential being . For man to feel fulfilled
he must create, transform, rectify; for
woman to be fulfilled she must be.
Respecting the Difference
The solution to this conflict of nature lies
not in denying that there is a difference,
but rather in each party knowing that
there is a difference, and respecting the
space and individual nature of the other
person.
This is the deeper, mystical reason for the
Torah’s prohibition against the marriage
of an aunt with her nephew. A marriage
between an aunt and a nephew, which
would by nature and instinct place the
husband in the role of recipient and his
wife in the position of the projector and
giver (she is the aunt and he is the
nephew), may hinder the full expression

of both the wife and her husband. A man
must be allowed to project and give, while a
woman must be allowed to “be there,” to
accept and internalize.
How to Become a Teacher
This is true about most marriages. Yet our
teacher Moses needed to come from a very
different type of relationship—a relationship
in which the recipient (represented by the
woman) will be the giver (the aunt), and the
projector (represented by the man) will
become the recipient (the nephew). Why?
Because Moses, the “man of Hashem,” ,
was chosen as the Divine messenger who
would, for the first time in human history,
share with the Jewish people and the world
the Divine perspective on life and reality, the
G-dly blueprint for life embodied by the
Torah. Moses served as the ultimate teacher,
mentor and leader, sharing the eternal truths
of morality and G-dliness with an otherwise
directionless universe, giving human history
the dignity of having a moral and Divine
purpose.
What is the primary quality that made Moses
who he was? His complete humility and
absence of ego in the presence of truth.
The main characteristic required to become
a conduit for Hashem’s word is surrendering
the ego. In Moses’ transmission of Torah
from Hashem to the Jewish people, a
fundamental change was required: The
“woman” needed to assume the role of
leadership and seniority over the “man.” The
“woman” needed to be the aunt, and the
“man” the nephew. The prerequisite for
becoming a conduit for Torah and Divine
wisdom lies not in one’s ability to project
and give, but rather in one’s power to accept,
receive and internalize.
This is true for every teacher of Divine truth.
A rabbi who sees his primary role as a
teacher rather than a student—a student of
truth and a recipient of ideas and feelings
that transcend him—is not qualified as a
rabbi. If I wish to be a teacher of Torah, I
must acknowledge that I do not own this
wisdom. I am merely a humble recipient
who craves to learn from everybody and
from everything the truths of life, of
Hashem, of justice.
Moses, the ultimate teacher and leader of all
time, needed to be born from a marriage in
which the recipient reigned supreme.