05 Aug VAESCHANAN: THE EASY COMMANDMENT

Honor your father
and mother, as the L-rd
your G-d has
commanded you, so
that you may live long.
(Devarim 5:16)
Why should we honor
our fathers and
mothers? The Torah gives us one reason in
Parashas Shemos (20:12), “So that you may
live long.” In Parashas Vaes’chanan, however,
the Torah gives an additional reason, “As the
L-rd your G-d has commanded you.” What is
the significance of this additional phrase?
The Meshech Chachmah refers to the Talmud
Yerushalmi that considers honoring parents an
“easy commandment.” Every person
understands that debts have to be repaid. If
someone lends you $100,000 when you need
it, you would be only too happy to repay the
money once you have enough of your own. It
would not be a hard thing to do.
By the same token, every person also
understands that he has a moral obligation to
repay his debt of gratitude to his parents. After
all, the cost of raising a child must be at least
between $100,000 and $200,000. Not to
mention the time, effort and energy parents
invest in their children. Therefore, the least
people can do is honor their parents. It is not a

hard thing to make such a small payment on
such a large debt.
The Torah tells us here that this is not the
proper motivation for honoring parents. It is
not the self-evident obligation to make at least
a small payment on a debt owed the parents. It
is an obligation incumbent on us solely
because “the L-rd your G-d has commanded
you” to do so.
The Torah waited until Parashas Vaes’chanan
to make this point, because it becomes most
clear after forty years in the desert. During
those years, raising children was easier than it
ever was, before or since. They did not have to
be fed. There was manna from heaven. They
did not need to be given to drink. There was
water from Miriam’s Well. They did not need
new shoes and clothing all the time. Nothing
ever wore out. Most likely they didn’t need
orthodontic braces either, because life in the
desert was paradise. And still, the Torah
demanded that parents be honored. Clearly,
the obligation was to obey Hashem’s
commandment rather than repay a debt of
gratitude. By the time the Jewish people had
lived through the era of the desert, they could
relate to the mitzvah of honoring parents as an
independent obligation.
How far does this go? How much do you
have to do for your parents? The Talmud

responds (Kiddushin 31a) to this question with
the famous story about a non-Jew from
Ashkelon by the name of Dama bar Nesinah.
The Sages once needed a stone for the Urim
v’Tumim, and they heard that Dama had
exactly the stone they needed. A delegation
came to see him and offer to pay him a princely
sum for the stone. The stone was in a
strongbox, with the key under his father’s
pillow. Dama did not disturb him.
“I cannot help you,” he told the Sages. “My
father is sleeping, and I wouldn’t disturb his
sleep.”
The Sages left.
A year later, a perfect red heifer, suitable for
a parah adumah, was born in Dama’s herd.
The Sages came to purchase it.
“How much do you want for it?”
“I know that you would give me any price I
ask,” he replied. “But I only want the amount
of money I lost by not waking my father last
year.”
This story establishes the parameters of the
mitzvah of honoring parents. The Talmud uses
this story to establish the parameters of human
nature.
As parents get older, they can become
querulous and demanding. They can test the
patience of their children. Sometimes,
honoring parents under such circumstances

can take a lot of patience and forbearance. Is
there a limit to such patience? How much
patience can be expected of a person? Is there
a point where a person is allowed to run out of
patience and be exempt from this mitzvah?
This is what the story about Dama bar
Nesinah teaches us. The Sages were offering
him a huge sum of money for the single stone
they needed for the Urim v’Tumim. He knew
that if he could only get the key, the money
would be his. What thoughts must have gone
through his mind? Maybe I’ll make a little
noise and he’ll wake up. Maybe I’ll slide my
hand under the pillow very slowly so that I’ll
be able to get the key without waking him up.
He must have been very tempted. But he didn’t
give in. He was able to honor his father even
under such circumstances. This was the extent
of what human nature is capable.
It follows, therefore, that if Dama bar
Nesinah could have the forbearance to forgo
such a huge sum of money and allow his father
to sleep, certainly a descendant of Avraham,
Yitzchak and Yaakov can find it in himself to
honor his parents under any and all
circumstances.