14 Aug VAET’HANAN: BUILDING OURSELVES, BUILDING OUR HOMES

In Parashat Vaet’hanan,
Moshe Rabbenu
tells Beneh Yisrael that
when they enter the Land
of Israel, they will find
things readymade for them:
Large, good cities which you did not
build; homes filled with goods that you
did not fill; hewn cisterns which you did
not dig; vineyards and olive trees which
you did not plant. (6:10-11)
Moshe warns the people that when this
happens: they must be very careful not
to forget Hashem.
When we go into situations that were
just given to us, without having had to
work for them, there is danger. The hard
work and challenges involved in
building something molds our character
and prepares us to use it properly. The
building process makes us stronger,
makes us smarter, makes us wiser,
makes us more patient, and gives us the

experience that we need. There is great
danger when we are given things on a
silver platter, without having worked for
them, because we haven’t gone through
the process of building ourselves
sufficiently to know how to use our
blessings.
Many young couples struggle in
marriage because they did not adequately
prepare for marriage. They did not do
the hard work to grow and build
themselves before entering this
stage. Already in their teens, youths
must be taught to push themselves to
grow, to work on skills such as patience,
communication, empathy, compassion,
humility, compromise, listening, and
other qualities which are so vital for a
successful marriage. In order to get
married, a young man or woman needs
to make himself or herself into someone
who can be a kind, generous, sensitive,
responsible spouse. And this cannot
happen without hard work. No growth

process can transpire without a
focused effort to grow.
Several pesukim earlier, we read the
famous mitzva of V’shinantam
L’vanecha – to teach Torah to our
children (6:7). Rashi explains the
word V’shinantam to mean “that the
words of Torah must be ‘sharp’ in
your mouths.” We need to familiarize
ourselves with Torah, to the extent

that we are fluent and well-
versed. The commentaries note that

the Torah here commands us to teach
our children Torah – V’shinantam
L’vanecha – and in these same words,
we are commanded to make sure that we
know Torah. In order to teach properly,
we need to first build our own
knowledge. We cannot educate our
children if we have not educated
ourselves.
Before a couple sets out to build a
home, they need to build themselves. And
even if a couple is already married – if

they want to maintain a strong, happy
marriage, and to build a happy family,
they need to continually work on
themselves and grow. The better people
we are, the better marriages we will
have, and the happier families we be
able to build. The most important thing
we need to do to build a strong, happy
home is to build ourselves, our own
characters, so that we will be the best
spouses and the best parents that we can
be.