05 Aug VA’ET’HANAN: THE FAKE TIP OF THE ICEBERG

In Parashat Va’et’hanan,
Moshe Rabbenu recalls
the event of Ma’amad Har
Sinai, when Hashem
spoke to Beneh Yisrael at
Mount Sinai, and
pronounced the Aseret
Ha’dibberot. The final of these ten
commands is Lo Tachmod – “You shall
not covet.” This mitzvah forbids us from
wanting what our fellow has and trying to
obtain it.
Let us, then, take a moment to talk about
jealousy, particularly in today’s day and
age.
There has never been a generation that
saw so many pictures as our generation.
And the vast majority of these pictures
are fake, or give a fake impression.
One Rabbi compared this phenomenon to
artificial grass. Every “blade” is the
perfect size, and the perfect color. Real
grass, however, is never perfectly green,
and never the perfect size.
People today are like artificial grass.
They project an image of perfection.

They want everybody to see them as
having the perfect life. We all, to one
extent or another, “photoshop” our lives,
both on social media and in real-life
interactions. We make it seem like our
marriage is perfect, our kids are perfect,
our home is perfect, our portfolio is
perfect, and our mental health is perfect.
But we know the truth – that our lives
aren’t perfect, that we have our share of
problems and struggles, that things aren’t
exactly the way we want them to be. We
know that we’re just putting on a show.
And if we’re putting on a show, that
means that the people we’re jealous of
are also putting on a show. They make
their lives look perfect just like we do –
but the truth is that their lives aren’t so
perfect, just like ours isn’t so perfect.
This is true also about the way we tend to
judge other people. We see people act a
certain way, and we reach conclusions
about them, as though we know the
whole story.
I was once giving a talk, and ten minutes
into the talk, three women in the audience
stood up and left. In my mind, as I was

speaking, I thought to myself
that they left because the
introduction to this talk was
the same as the introduction
to a speech I had given
around a month before, and
these women heard that
speech online, and thus
assumed that I was giving
the same talk now.
I then realized that I had just
done something very silly. I
concocted an entire story
about three people whom I know
absolutely nothing about. I didn’t have
any idea who these women were, what
they were doing there and why they left,
but I created a narrative in my mind about
them.
And we do this so often. We see only the
“tip of the iceberg” of a person’s life, and
then decide that we know all about the
“iceberg,” we know everything about the
person, why he does what he does. And
then we feel we can criticize him and
look down on him.
Not only do we see only the “tip of the

iceberg,” but even that “tip” which we
see is fake. What we see isn’t real. Why
do we think we can judge other people,
and why do we feel jealous of other
people, if we know so little, if anything,
about their lives?
One Rabbi taught: “Judging favorably is
the worst-case scenario. The best-case
scenario is – it’s none of your business.”
We have our lives, other people have
their lives; they don’t know about our
lives, and we don’t know about their
lives. So there’s no reason to feel jealous,
and there’s no reason to judge.