07 Jan VAYECHI: THE POWER TO DECIDE WHO YOU ARE

Before Yaakov Avinu’s
death, Yosef came to visit
him with his two sons,
Efrayim and
Menashe. Yaakov gave
them a blessing, and then
pronounced, “that forever
more, when Jews bless their sons, they
will do so by saying, “May Hashem make
you like Efrayim and Menashe” (48:20).
Why is this the blessing that we give to
our children? What makes Efrayim and
Menashe so special, that we bless our
children that they should be specifically
like Efrayim and Menashe?
One answer has to do with the story told
just several pesukim earlier.
When Yaakov blessed Yosef’s sons, Yosef
had them positioned with Menashe – the
older son – to Yaakov’s right, and Efrayim
– the younger son – to his left. But Yaakov
crossed his hands, to put his right hand on
the head of the younger brother,
Efrayim. He explained that both will
produce large, important tribes, but the
tribe of Efrayim will end up being more
distinguished than the tribe of Menashe,

and so Yaakov’s placed his right hand on
Efrayim’s head, to express his special
stature.
Throughout this episode, both Efrayim
and Menashe remain silent. Efrayim
doesn’t gloat, and Menashe doesn’t
complain.
This might be why we bless our children
that they should be like Efrayim and
Menashe.
Few things are more powerful than not
caring about being treated with honor and
respect. If we can follow the example set
by Yosef’s sons, of entirely disregarding
honor, we are so much stronger.
It is perfectly normal and natural to care
about respect. So much so, in fact, that
this expectation yields a halachic
requirement. The Torah obligates us to
provide a poor person with “everything
that he lacks” (Devarim 15:8). The
Gemara in Masechet Ketubot explains
this to mean that if somebody was very
wealthy, and was used to riding in a
carriage with a servant running in front of
him as a display of honor, and this person
then lost his money, the mitzva of charity

requires providing him a chariot
with a servant running in front of
it. The Torah recognizes that
when a person is accustomed to
receiving respect, this becomes
his expectation, and it is thus a
need that society must fulfill.
Unquestionably, we need to be
sensitive to people’s expectation
of, and need for, respect, and
show them that they matter to us.
However, if somebody is able to
transcend this need that most
people have, he has special
power. A person who, like
Menashe, is immune to feelings
of being hurt and offended, has a
unique gift – the ability to decide

who he is. His identity and self-
image depend on nobody in the

world. He needs nobody’s
approval, nobody’s praise, and nobody’s
respect, because he knows precisely who
he is, what he is capable of, and what he
can accomplish. And there is nothing
more powerful than having this awareness.
It is normal and reasonable to want and to

expect others to show us respect. But we
should try, to whatever extent possible, to
break our dependence on other people’s
respect, to muster the strength to decide
entirely on our own who we are, and then
harness this unparalleled power to achieve
all the greatness that we are capable of
achieving.