Yaakov Avinu assem- bled his sons just before his death to give them each a blessing. When he addressed his first son, Reuven, Yaakov

that not only is he not the king, but “I have rejected him.” Rashi explains that Eliav – כעסן was “rejected” because he was a somebody who became angry very easily. Such a person cannot lead.

Why not?

Because leadership requires clarity of thought, and when we’re angry, we can’t think straight. To be a good leader, one has to make sound decisions about complex is- sues, and to come up with creative, out-of- the-box solutions to difficult problems. When a person is angry, it is all but impos- sible to think clearly enough to make good decisions and to come up with good solu- tions.

Everybody is a “leader” in some sense. Even those who hold no formal leadership positions must “lead” their household, their family. And, at very least, every person needs to “lead” himself or herself. This is why anger and aggravation are so destruc- tive. In order to lead a productive life, we need to think clearly – and we can’t think clearly when we’re upset, when we’re ag- gravated.

So, what do we do? How do we avoid destructive aggravation so we can think

clearly and live life the right way?
One solution is to anticipate aggravation. We have to know that aggravation is part of

life. We can’t escape it.
Parents need to realize that raising chil-

dren is fraught with aggravation. It’s SUP- POSED TO BE THAT WAY! If a parent is always agitated and angry at his or her chil- dren, this is likely because the parent doesn’t expect the troubles and complexi- ties of childrearing. If we anticipate it, it won’t make us as upset.

Some people sit through city traffic calm- ly and peacefully, and others are impatient and irritable the whole time. Those who remain calm during traffic jams are the ones who anticipate it. They realize that when you drive from one point to another in a crowded city, it’s going to take time. They realize that there are traffic lights that sometimes turn red. And since they antici- pate the traffic, it doesn’t upset them.

The second solution is to avoid overthink- ing.

Sometimes, when a spouse says the wrong thing, or does something wrong, the other spouse thinks about it too much. The mi- nor incident grows in the other spouse’s

mind into something much bigger and more important than it really is, unneces- sarily causing a great deal of anger and ag- gravation.

When a boss snaps at the employee, the employee might start thinking to himself, “Oh, no, he doesn’t like me. I’m going to get fired. I’m not going to find another job. How am I going to support my family?” A minor incident gets transformed in his mind into a major crisis, causing crippling anxiety and aggravation.

In order to “lead” ourselves and our fami- lies, we need to try to avoid anger – and the way we do this is by anticipating aggravat- ing moments, and by keeping a proper per- spective on these moments when they un- fold. If we can do this, then we will always be able to think clearly, make the best deci- sions in every situation, and live the pro- ductive, meaningful and fulfilling lives that we want to live.

did not actually give a blessing – instead, he told Reuven that he could not be the leader, because פחז כמים, he was “rash like water,” too quick to get angry.

This refers to the story told earlier in Sefer Bereshit of how Reuven was angry at a de- cision his father made after Rachel’s death, and reacted inappropriately. Because of this incident, Reuven was deemed unfit for the role of leader.

Anger and leadership are incompatible. A person who angers easily cannot be a lead- er.

Another example is the story of the ap- pointment of King David as ruler over the Jewish Nation. G-d told the prophet Shmuel to go to the home of Yishai, one of whose sons would be king. When Shmuel arrived, Yishai showed him his sons, and Shmuel looked at Eliav, the oldest, who had an impressive appearance, and figured he was chosen to be king. G-d told him