03 Dec VAYEITZEI: FEELING THE TZAAR OF OTHERS

going through a hard
time, he should be
happy with the yesurim and believe it is all for
the good. However, when one hears about
other people’s problems, it is wrong to think,
“It’s for your good; I’m so happy it happened.”
One must train himself to feel the other
person’s problem as if it were his own and be
distressed about it.
Reb Shlomo Kluger zt’l (Imrei Shefer) says
that this is the reason Moshe told Aharon’s
family that they shouldn’t mourn the death of
their brother and son, Nadav and Avihu, on
the day the Mishkan was established, but the
rest of Klal Yisrael had to mourn for them. As
it states (Vayikra 10:6) “Moshe said to
Aharon, and to Eleazar and to Isamar his sons,
“Do not leave your heads unshorn, and do not
rend your garments… But your brothers, the
entire house of Yisrael, shall bewail the
conflagration that Hashem has burned.” The
nation should cry and mourn. It wasn’t their
misfortune; therefore, it was incumbent on
them to feel the pain, not say, “It’s bashert, so
I don’t care.” You can say that about your own
tzaros but not regarding other people’s tzaros.
Rebbe Moshe, son of Rebbe Dovid of Lelov
zt’l, was very ill as a child. Everyone in the

house was crying and begging Hashem that he
should recover from his illness. As they were
davening, a neighbor came in and said that his
son was also very ill and they should daven
for him as well. The family did as he requested.
Their tefillos for Rebbe Moshe were
answered. The boy began to show signs of
improvement, and there was a lot of joy in the
Rebbe’s home. The Rebbe (Rebbe Dovid of
Lelov) rebuked his family. “You heard a few
moments ago that
a neighbor’s son is
very sick. How can
you be happy
when someone
else is in tzaar?”
Rebbe Yitzchak
of Vorke was in the
home (of Rebbe
Dovid of Lelov)
when this
occurred, and he
would say that this
is the meaning of
the Gemara (Megillah 28.) “People asked Reb
Zeira, ‘Why did you merit a long life?’’ He
said, ‘I was never happy when my friend had
a downfall.’ This Gemara is difficult to
understand. Is that a merit for which one will
live long? To be happy that your fellow man
has problems is simply cruel and disgusting.

Reb Zeira meant that even when there were
other reasons to be happy in his life, something
good happened to him; he didn’t allow himself
to be happy when he knew that his friend was
going through a hard time.
When Sarah gave birth to Yitzchak, there
was a lot of joy and happiness in the world.
Rashi (Bereishis 21:6) writes, “Many barren
women were able to bear children together
with her, many ill were healed on that day…
and there was a lot of
joy in the world.”
Why was this miracle
necessary? Why did
many people receive
their salvation when
Yitzchak was born? It
is because Avraham
and Sarah had perfect
middos, and they
wouldn’t be able to
rejoice in the miracle
that happened to them
when they knew that
there were people who were suffering in the
world. Therefore, at this time, Hashem
brought a lot of laughter and joy to the world
so that Avraham and Sarah could also rejoice.
The Yalkut Shimoni (Mishlei ch.14) says
that Moshe sent Yisro back home, and he
didn’t permit him to stay for Matan Torah
because Yisro hadn’t participated in the
pain and the hard work in Mitzrayim.
“Hakodosh Baruch Hu said, ‘My children
were enslaved, working with tar and bricks
in Mitzrayim, and Yisro was comfortable in
his house. And now he wants to come and
to rejoice with My children?’ Therefore,
Moshe sent his father-in-law home.”
Reb Boruch Mordechai Ezrachi zt’l (his
lessons are for his holy memory) asked that
also the Erev Rav (the Egyptians that
Moshe converted before yetzias Mitzrayim)
didn’t work hard in Mitzrayim. Why were
they permitted to receive the Torah?
Reb Boruch Mordechai answered that the
problem wasn’t that Yisro didn’t work as a
slave in Mitzrayim. The problem was that
he didn’t feel the pain of others. Whoever
doesn’t participate in the tzaar of others
doesn’t deserve to rejoice together with
them.
We will now prove that we must feel the
pain of every Yid, and even of those who
are still distant from the ways of Yiddishkeit
and who haven’t yet found the path of
Torah.
Rashi (Bereishis 6:7) says that when
Noach was in the teivah, he had to live with
tzaar because the world was in tzaar. The
people of his generation were resha’im,
nevertheless, Noach had to experience their
pain. Certainly, we must feel the tzaar of
another Yid, no matter what level they are
at. We shouldn’t say, “He isn’t my type of
Yid. I don’t have to care about his tzaros.”
When a Yid is in tzaar, we must participate.
Our hearts must be with them.

Indeed, it was the
ways of tzaddikim to
participate in the
tzaar of others. We
will give just a few
examples:
Reb Mordechai
Shulman zt’l, rosh
yeshiva Slabodka, said that when he was a
bachur, he slept in the Chofetz Chaim’s home,
and the Chofetz Chaim would sleep without a
pillow! This was during World War One, and
the Chofetz Chaim explained, “When Yidden
are sleeping in bunkers, I can’t sleep on a
pillow” (Meir Einei Yisrael vol.1, p.90).
During World War Two, the Kopishnitzer
Rebbe zt’l wouldn’t eat meat on a weekday,
although doctors told him that he should eat
meat for his health. The Rebbe Rayatz of
Lubavitz zt’l wrote him that he should be
cautious with his health and follow the
doctors’ diet. The Kopishnitzer Rebbe replied,
“I also consider it important to listen to the
doctors’ counsel, but I made a kabbalah and a
decision that I won’t eat meat on a weekday
until Hashem will look down from heaven
and have compassion on His nation. I tremble
with fear when I think about the great tzaros
and devastation that our brothers of Bnei
Yisrael are suffering. The hairs on my head
stand up in fright…”
Reb Shneur Kotler zt’l studied in
Yerushalayim as a bachur, and before
returning to America for his chasunah, he
went to his grandfather, Reb Issar Zalman
Meltzer zt’l, to receive his brachos. Reb Issar
Zalman benched him, and then Reb Issar
Zalman walked him outdoors to the stairs of
his house. He walked down two stairs with
Reb Shneur, and Reb Shneur walked down the
rest of the stairs himself. Someone asked Reb
Issar Zalman why he doesn’t go down all the
steps with his grandson. He replied, “The
stairs I didn’t go down are for the thousands of
young men who couldn’t get married.” He
was referring to the thousands who were
killed al kiddush Hashem before they could
get married and build a family. He didn’t want
to forget the tzaar of so many others, even
during the joyous time of his grandson’s
marriage.
Hashem doesn’t expect us to sleep without a
pillow, stop eating meat, or abstain from
joining in family simchos. But we must feel
the tzaar of Bnei Yisrael.
What should a person do if he doesn’t feel
the pain and agony of others? The Chazon Ish
zt’l advises that he should daven for them and
try to help them. Doing so will eventually
cause them to genuinely care about the plight
of others.
We quote the Chazon Ish’s letter (Igros vol.1,
123): “You aren’t feeling other people’s tzaar.
The counsel is that you should try to help your
fellow man going through hard times and
daven for him. Even if the words of tefillah
aren’t from your heart. And this is even if the
person in tzaar is a simple and ordinary
person.”