08 Dec VAYIGASH: BE YOUR OWN STAR
We read in Parashat Vayigash about the very powerful moment when Yosef, who was the second-in-command in Egypt, finally revealed to his brothers who he was, saying the simple but dramatic words, ףסוי†ינא†–†“I am Yosef.”
The Torah tells that his brothers could not respond, because they were terrified: ולכי†אלו†וינפמ≠†ולהבנ†יכ≠†ותוא†תונעל†≠ויחא.
The Midrash makes a very famous comment on this pasuk, warning us about how frightening the day of judgment will be when we depart this world after 120 years. If Yosef’s brothers were unable to answer Yosef, the Midrash says, then certainly we will be unable to answer when we are called to judgment, because we will be terrified.
What is the comparison between Yosef’s brothers’ terror when he revealed his identity to them, and our fear at the time when we stand in judgment?
Yosef’s brothers thought he was an evil, strange ruler who was cruelly tormenting them for no reason, and they were now shown that they were totally wrong the entire time. He was somebody else entirely.
Some have explained that this is what the Midrash warns will happen to many people after 120 years. They will be shown that the lives they lived weren’t really them. They lived other people’s lives, instead of being themselves.
In the next pesukim, Yosef spoke to his brothers again, saying, רשא†םכיחא≠†ףסוי†ינא†המירצמ†≠יתוא†םתרכמ†– “I am your brother, Yosef, whom you sold to Egypt.” He was telling his brothers that he was the same person at that moment that he was 20 years earlier, when he was first sold as a slave. He was all alone in a foreign country, first as a lowly slave, and then as the second most powerful man in Egypt, who managed the economy of the entire ancient world. All throughout, he remained the same, true to his principles and his values. He remained the person he knew he was supposed to be, no matter what was going on around him.
After 120 years, we are going to be asked a very frightening question: “Were you YOU?”
Did we do what Yosef did – always being the people we were supposed to be, without being the people whom others wanted us to be? Did we live the life that was right for us, or did we allow the people around us to dictate how we live?
This really is a scary question, because so many of us don’t live our own lives, the lives that we are supposed to live.
One of my high school students once met with me to discuss something. He began the conversation by saying, “I’m not a regular kid. I’m not into sports. I like music.”
I stopped him before he could go any further.
“You think you’re not normal – JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T FOLLOW FOOTBALL?!!??”
Why should a kid feel he has to do things that he has no interest in, or else he isn’t “normal”? Why can’t he just do what he wants, and live the life that is right for him?
So many people in our community make their decisions based on what other people do. They buy cars they don’t want or can’t afford because “everyone else does.” They buy homes and furnish them in a way they don’t want or can’t afford because that’s what “everyone else does.” They make decisions about their children’s education not based on what’s right for the children, but based on what “everyone else does.”
Living the lives that are right for us, without worrying about what other people do, is so much better. When we try to fit into a mold that isn’t right for us, it’s very uncomfortable. When we fit into our own mold, doing what is right for us, our lives are so much more authentic and real. We are comfortable in our own skin. We’re not always looking around anxiously, worrying what other people doing and how we need to be more like them. We are focused on living our lives, rather than trying to live somebody else’s life.
Hashem promised our avot (patriarchs) that a large nation would descend from them that would be as numerous as the sand on the earth, and as the stars in the sky. We are compared to both sand and stars. A grain of sand is invisible if it’s not together with many other grains of sand, whereas stars never come anywhere near each other. We are both. On the one hand, we need to cling together like sand, forming a close-knit community that works together. But on the other hand, we are to be stars – each one of us shining brightly as a unique, special individual that is completely independent and separate from everyone else.
We should never be afraid to be our own star. Each and every person has something special to contribute. We should not be trying to be like anybody else – and should instead be trying to be the person whom we are put on this earth to be.