23 Dec VAYIGASH: SACRIFICE

Parashat Vayigash tells of
how Yaakov and his sons
moved from Eretz Yisrael to
Egypt. A terrible famine
struck the region, and the
only country which had food
was Egypt, where Yosef was
the ruler. After Yosef revealed himself to his
brothers, who had come to Egypt to buy food,
he told them to go back home and bring
Yaakov and their families to live with him in
Egypt, where he would support them.
The Torah (46:28) tells that as Yaakov made
his way to Egypt, he sent his son Yehuda
ahead to “show the way before him.” Rashi
explains this to mean that Yehuda was sent
ahead to establish a yeshiva in Egypt, so it
would be ready for Yaakov and his family
when they arrive. Others explain that this
refers to basic needs like housing and the
like.
Regardless, we might ask why specifically
Yehuda was chosen for this role. What was
special about Yehuda that made him the right
person for this job, instead of any of Yaakov’s
other sons?
Rav Moshe Sternbuch explains that Yehuda
possessed a certain quality that is essential in

order to successfully build. And that quality
is the willingness to sacrifice.
We see this quality in several instances. For
example, we read in last week’s parashah,
Parashat Miketz, that the brothers found
themselves in a very difficult position when
the ruler of Egypt – who they did not realize
was actually Yosef – ordered them to return
home and bring their youngest brother,
Binyamin, to Egypt. Yaakov adamantly
refused to allow Binyamin, his youngest and
most beloved son, to go to Egypt, but the
family had no food, and they could not go to
Egypt to buy food without Binyamin. At that
point, Yehuda stepped up and took personal
responsibility for Binyamin. He told his
father that if he would not bring Binyamin
back to him, then “I will have sinned against
you for all the days” (43:9). The Rabbis
explained that Yehuda here declared that he
would forfeit his entire share in the next
world if he failed to bring Binyamin back
safely to his father. This is how far Yehuda
was willing to go in sacrificing for the sake of
his family.
In the beginning of our parashah, Yosef
wanted to keep Binyamin in Egypt as his
slave, but Yehuda stepped forward and
begged Yosef to allow him to remain in Egypt

forever as Yosef’s slave in Binyamin’s stead.
Yehuda was prepared to spend the rest of his
life as a slave in a foreign country so that his
younger brother could return safely home to
Yaakov.
This is why specifically Yehuda was chosen
to go ahead of the family as they made their
way to Egypt. Building requires sacrifice. If a
person wants to build anything, he needs to
be willing to sacrifice, to let go of things he
wants, for the sake of the goal that he is
pursuing.
This is especially true when it comes to
building a relationship.
The Gemara teaches in Masechet Bava
Metzia (59a): “If your wife is short, then
bend down and whisper to her.” Clearly, the
Gemara cannot simply be giving this simple
piece of advice, to lean down when necessary
to talk to one’s wife. Rather, the Gemara is
teaching us that in order to build a happy
marriage, we need to be able to “bend,” to
yield, to give in, to go to the other spouse’s
place to understand him or her. A person
cannot expect to have a great relationship
without “bending,” without sacrificing.
Sacrificing is a great challenge in today’s day
and age. Growing up in our society,

youngsters are not conditioned to sacrifice, to
give of themselves, to “bend.” But this is
something we need to teach them and to
model for them. Sacrifice is such a crucial
quality. The ability to restrain ourselves, to
tell ourselves “no,” to give up something that
we want, is indispensable for achievement. If
a person wants to build a successful career or
business, he needs to sacrifice. If a person
wants to build a great marriage, he needs to
sacrifice. If a person wants to be a great
parent, he needs to sacrifice.
The more we learn how to bend, to give of
ourselves, the more we will achieve and
succeed in everything we do.