28 Nov VAYISHLACH: KIBUD AV V’EM

The Chayei Adam
(siman 67) writes,
“Honoring parents is a
mitzvah from the
Torah, and it is from
among the most
stringent obligations. A
person must honor his
father and mother and
fear them. One must be
very cautious with this
mitzvah because
honoring and fearing
parents is compared to
honoring and fearing
Hashem.”
It is possible to keep this
mitzvah anytime and
wherever one lives, even if it is distant from
his parents.
1] To Honor in Thought
The Chayei Adam writes, “The mitzvah of
kibud av v’em is to honor one’s parents with
one’s thoughts, actions, and words. Honoring
with one’s thought means that one should
consider his parents the most respected people
in the world. This is the primary mitzvah of
honoring them.” This part of the mitzvah can
be fulfilled anywhere, whether one lives close
or farther away from his parents.

Reb Chaim Shmuelevitz zt’l excelled in this
form of kibud av v’em. He considered his
parents to be “from the most important and
respected people in the land,” as the Chayei
Adam describes it. And in this way, he kept
the mitzvah every day, even when he was
distant from his parents. Also, after his
parent’s demise, he would think about how
special his parents were; in this manner, he
performed kibud av v’em daily.
2] Acquiring a Good Reputation
The Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (143:21) writes,
“If someone truly desires to honor his father
and mother, he should study Torah and do
good deeds because that will bring immense
honor to his parents. People will say,
‘Fortunate is the father and mother who raised
this child.’ However, if the son doesn’t go on
the right path, the parents will suffer
humiliation due to the child. He is
embarrassing his parents terribly.”
So, we’ve found yet another way to honor
parents from a distance. When you act
properly, you will bring honor to your parents.
They will be very proud to hear good reports
about you.
3] Giving Reward to your Parents
The Zohar (vol.2, 115) says that when people
do good deeds and study Torah, their parents

are honored in heaven.
Chas veshalom, if they
act improperly, their
parents are disgraced in
heaven.
The Yesod v’Shoresh
HaAvodah (Tzavaah
Hakdoshah ch.28)
advises that when people
do good deeds, they
should have in mind that
they are performing the
mitzvah of kibud av
ve’em, because their
parents will be honored
in heaven.
It states (32:8), “Yaakov was very afraid, and
he was distressed.” The Daas Zekenim
m’Baalei HaTosfos writes, “Yaakov was
afraid that Eisav would benefit from the
mitzvah of kibud av v’em, which Yaakov
didn’t perform for twenty years.” Yaakov
feared that Eisav’s merits of kibud av v’em
might give Eisav the upper hand, and Eisav
might be able to harm him.
Throughout those twenty years, Yaakov avinu
certainly performed kibud av v’em from a
distance in the manner described above.
However, Eisav did kibud av ve’em with his
deeds, and Yaakov Avinu lacked that aspect of

the mitzvah for twenty years.
The Or HaChayim (Shemos 20:12) writes,
“There are mitzvos that have wonderful
segulos attached to them, in addition to the
reward that Hashem will give for those
mitzvos. And for this mitzvah [of kibud av
v’em], the Torah revealed [that its mesugal for
living a long life].”
Rabbeinu b’Chaya writes, “We see clearly
that those who honor their parents live long
lives, or they have success and serenity in all
their ways.”
The Beis Ahron of Stolin zt’l said that he
attained his spiritual levels from performing
the mitzvah of kibud av v’em.