28 Nov VAYISHLACH: THE LAST CONVERSATION BETWEEN RACHEL AND YAAKOV WHY ARGUE ABOUT A NAME MOMENTS BEFORE HER DEATH?

The Final Moments
It is not unusual for
a husband and wife to
have an argument.
But all would agree
that for everything,
including a dispute,

there is a proper place and time.
Yaakov and Rachel have enjoyed profound
kinship. Yaakov worked laboriously seven
years for her father, Lavan, to obtain Rachel’s
hand in marriage. After being cheated and
receiving Leah as his wife, he reluctantly
agreed to give Lavan another seven years of
labor so he could marry Rachel. The Torah
attests that Yaakov loved Rachel more than
Leah.
For years Rachel was childless. When she
finally mothered a child, she named him
Yosef, proclaiming “May G-d add another
son to me.”
Her wish was granted. She conceived
another child. But, as she was about to give
birth, tragedy struck. The Torah relates:
And they traveled from Beit-El, and there
was a little way left to go before reaching
Efrat, and Rachel gave birth, but had
difficulty in the birth. When her labor was at
its hardest, the midwife said to her, “Have no
fear, for it is another boy for you.”
But as she breathed her last—for she was
dying—she named him Ben-Oni; but his
father called him Benyamin.
Rachel died. She was buried on the road to
Ephrath—now Bethlehem.
Why, when Rachel was in such a condition,
did Yaakov argue with her over the name to
be given to the newborn child? Was this the
right time and place to argue over such a
matter? Wouldn’t Yaakov at such a time wish
to convey words of comfort?
What is more, we have never observed such
an argument with any one of the other
children. Each of Yaakov’s twelve sons and
his daughter were named by their mothers
and Yaakov never gave another name. Here,
as Rachel is dying, Yaakov intervenes and
changes the baby’s fresh name?
Rashi’s Perspective
There are many interpretations suggested by
the commentators over the generations. Rashi
says that the name “Ben Oni,” the son of my
sorrow, given by Rachel, refers to the grief
and pain endured by her during this baby’s
birth, while the name “Bin Yamin” given by
Yaakov means “son of the south,” and refers
to the fact that Binyamin was the only child
(“Ben”) born in the land of Israel, which is in
the south (“yamin”) relative to the direction
from which Yaakov was traveling (Aram

Naharaim, Harran, which is to the north of
Iraq and Canaan). Yaakov was attempting to
highlight the uniqueness of this child—as the
only one born in the Holy Land.
Rashi adds another possible interpretation,
that Ben Yamin means a child born after
many days and years, signifying he was born
as Yaakov grew old.
But why the argument?
I will present three interpretations.
The Silence
Let us recall the episode of Yaakov’s hasty
departure from Lavan. Prior to fleeing with
Yaakov, Rachel had stolen her father’s
“terafim” (idols). Upon learning of their
disappearance, Lavan chased Yaakov and
accused him of stealing his gods. Yaakov
reacts angrily, and responds:
But anyone with whom you find your gods
shall not remain alive! In the presence of our
kinsmen, point out what I have of yours and
take it.” Yaakov, of course, did not know that
Rachel had stolen them.
Rashi quotes the Midrash that this curse
caused Rachel to die in childbirth. This is
why the Torah emphasizes that “Yaakov was
unaware that Rachel had stolen the idols,”
suggesting that he would not have uttered
such a curse had he known that Rachel stole
them.
Now, sometime later, Rachel is about to
breathe her last. She and Yaakov loved each
other deeply, and it is time to bid farewell.
Not a word is spoken between them.
This is strange. The death of Rachel is

contained in five verses, containing fifty-
eight words. The narrative is conveyed almost

without any direct speech (other than the
reassurance of the midwife, in verse 17). A
great silence envelops this episode. The text
refrains from describing Yaakov ‘s emotional
response to the death of his beloved wife
either indirectly (through a description of his
actions) or directly (by quoting his words or
prayers directly).
They do say one thing: they argue about a
name. What was this about?
Husband and Wife Think of Each Other
Imagine what Yaakov was feeling when he
realized that he cursed his wife to die not
knowing that she was the one who stole the
gods of her father? How would any husband
feel? Never mind Yaakov who loved Rachel
with every fiber of his being, and watched his
last son being born as his mother was
perishing?
How did Yaakov feel about himself at that
moment? How did Rachel feel?
Husband and wife must have endured a

tremendous rush
of emotions as
they looked into
each other’s eyes
knowing that
Yaakov’s curse
was coming true.
Imagine the
tremendous guilt
that Yaakov must
have felt, knowing
that he condemned
the most beloved
of his wives to
premature death
due to a single curse. How tragic!
Rachel peered into his eyes, and knowing
what her husband is going through, names the
baby Ben Oni, which can be translated as “the
son of my deception.” Rachel was saying: It
was my fault. I was the one who acted
inappropriately. I deceived my father—not
you.
To which Yaakov responded: Bin Yamin,
which can be translated “the son of an oath.”
(Yamin means an oath since traditionally we
lift the right hand (yad yamin) during an
oath). Yaakov was saying: The critical
condition caused by the birth of this son is the
result of my oath to Lavan that the one who
stole his idols shall not live. It was my oath
that led to this tragedy.
As they said goodbye to each other, Rachel
was ensuring that Yaakov does not live for the
remainder of his life with guilt; Yaakov was
ensuring that Rachel does not blame herself
for her death. It was his fault, not hers.
There is no outburst of emotion displayed in
this story. Because even deeper than Yaakov
emoting as a result of his own pain, the Torah
described his last words to his wife, trying to
make her feel at ease. And the last words of
Rachel, trying to make Yaakov feel better.
At those moments, each of them was
thinking of the other.
The Fate of a Child
But there was perhaps more. The argument
about the names represented a final exchange
between Yaakov and Rachel, not about
themselves, but about this newborn child.
Rachel knew that her life in this world was
ending, and she worried about what would
happen to her child growing up without a
mother. As Yaakov was sitting at her bedside,
she expressed her feelings: “I am very
concerned about my child. Since he is
growing up without a mother to take care of
him. I pray that when I am gone from this
world and in my heavenly abode, his behavior
should not cause me grief.” (Ben-Oni means
the child of my grief).

Yaakov, wanting to comfort his dying wife,
told her not to worry. He promised her that he
would take extra care of him and assured her
that he would be a “Ben Yamin,” “a right
son,” one who would conduct himself in a
righteous and holy way, and be a source of
delight and nachas to his mother in the world
to come.
From Pain to Strength
Yet a third powerful insight comes from
12th-century Nachamanides, the Ramban.
“Oni” he says has a dual meaning: “My
grief,” and “my vigor.” Rachel called the
infant, “the son of my grief;” Yaakov chose to
give the very same name a different
interpretation.
In the words of the Ramban: “It seems to me
that his mother called him ‘Ben-Oni,’
meaning to say, ‘Son of my mourning’… but
his father converted the ‘Oni’ to mean ‘my
strength,’ as in the verse, ‘My power and the
beginning of my strength (oni).’… Therefore
he calls him Binyamin, or ‘Son of strength,’
for the right side (yamin) is the seat of might…
He wanted to call him by the name given to
him by his mother, for so it was with all his
sons: they were called by the names given to
them by their mothers. So he converted it into
goodness and strength.”
Ramban has Yaakov accepting the name
selected by Rachel (“oni”), but changing it to
something else that captures the positive
connotation of “oni.”
Yaakov was communicating to himself, to
his wife, to his newborn baby, and to his
children ever since one of the most important
messages of Judaism. The same word in
Hebrew used for grief and pain is the word
used for strength and vigor. How? All sorrow
and pain must bring forth a new birth of
awareness, insight, and love.
Yaakov ensured that his son will not see
himself as a product of sorrow. Yes, he would
grieve for the pain and the void, but he would
never become a victim of it. Instead, he would
transform his pain into a springboard for a
new source of strength and empowerment.