25 Aug WEDDING FOOD OR MY FOOD?

I. Guests and
Leftovers
At weddings, we
serve a tremendous
amount of food.
Between the
smorgasbord, the
different courses and dessert, guests are
offered more food than most can eat. Can a
guest put some food in a container and take
it home? Sometimes a person might want
to take a cookie home for a child or some
chicken for the next day’s dinner. May you
take home food that was served to you to eat
at the wedding?
In a recent episode of the Halacha Headlines
podcast, Rav Shmuel Fuerst of Chicago said
that you are allowed to take home a little
food: “If he’s an invited guest, he is allowed
to take home some food but he cannot empty
out the place because other people have to eat
there also. But to take a small amount of food,
I am sure the balebayis (host) is not makpid
(does not mind).”
The halachic background to this ruling is
surprisingly complex because the sources
seem to disagree about whether food served
to a guest becomes his. There are really two
separate questions. First, when does a guest
acquire ownership of the food served to him?
Second, even if he does not yet own it, what

uses does the host implicitly permit?
The Gemara (Chullin 94a) says: “Guests
are not permitted to give from the food
that is placed before them to the son or to
the daughter of the host unless they obtain
permission from the host.” This rule is
codified in Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chaim
170:19). This would seem to imply that a
guest does not have the right to do whatever
he wants with food served to him.
However, Rambam writes that if someone
enters another person’s home, takes something
that the owner does not mind him taking, such
as a date or nut, and betroths a woman with
it, the woman is doubtfully betrothed, i.e., it
is a safek kiddushin (Mishneh Torah, Hilchos
Ishus 5:8). Shulchan Aruch (Even Ha-Ezer
28:17) rules likewise, and Rema adds that if
a guest sitting in someone’s house takes his
portion of food and betroths a woman with it,
the woman is betrothed.
Rav David Segal (Taz; 17th cen., Poland)
points out the apparent contradiction between
Rema’s ruling here, that the woman is
betrothed, and the earlier ruling that a guest
does not have the right to give food to the
host’s children. If the guest fully owns the
food, he should have the right to give it to
anyone he wants. Why might a guest not own
the food?

II. When a Guest Acquires the Food
In sixteenth-century Salonica, a guest took
an apple from the table and gave it to another
man as betrothal for his daughter. The
question was posed to Rav Yosef of Trani
(Maharit) whether this betrothal worked
(Responsa Maharit, vol. 1, no. 150). Maharit
asks whether a guest acquires the food when
it is placed before him or only when he puts
it in his mouth. Based on a number of textual
proofs, he concludes that a guest acquires the
food only when he places it in his mouth.
However, this seems to be a debate among
medieval commentators. The Gemara
(Nedarim 34b) discusses a case in which you
invite someone to eat your bread and then say
that it is forbidden to him. Rashi explains that
when you invite someone to eat the bread, it
becomes his and you can no longer forbid it
to him. The Ran, however, reads the Gemara
differently and explains that if you give the
loaf to him as a gift, you cannot subsequently
forbid it, but if you merely invite him to eat
it, it remains yours and you can still forbid it.
Rav Yom Tov Algazi (18th cen., Jerusalem)
says that this disagreement turns on the
question of when a guest acquires the food.
Rashi believes that a guest acquires the
food when it is placed before him. The Ran
believes that a guest acquires the food only
when he puts it into his mouth (Responsa
Simchas Yom Tov, vol. 1, no. 48). Rav
Raphael Yosef Chazzan (19th cen., Israel)
disagrees with Rav Algazi’s understanding
of the Ran. He argues that the Ran believes
that a guest acquires the food when he
picks it up (Chikrei Lev, Choshen Mishpat,
no. 147).
We therefore have three possible points of
acquisition: when the food is placed before
the guest, when the guest picks it up or when
he puts it into his mouth. That difference
has obvious practical consequences for
food served at a wedding. According to the
opinion that a guest acquires food when it
is placed before him, he may take home
the individual portion served on his plate.
That particular rationale would not yet
apply to food still sitting at a smorgasbord
or buffet. According to the opinion that
a guest acquires food when he lifts it,
however, the moment he takes food from
the smorgasbord or buffet he acquires it.
But ownership is only one part of the issue.
Even if the food has not yet become the
guest’s property, the host may still permit
him to use it in certain ways.
III. What the Host Permits
The rule about giving food to the host’s
children seems to depend partly on
circumstances. Rav Avraham Gombiner
(Magen Avraham; 17th cen., Poland)
suggests that the prohibition applies only
to a limited meal where there is barely
enough food for the guests. At a large
meal, where there is no concern that others
will be deprived, this restriction does not
apply (Magen Avraham 170:23). Mishnah
Berurah (170:40) rules likewise.

In contrast, Rav Pinchas Horowitz (18th
cen., Germany) explains that a guest actually
acquires his food and may give it to anyone
he wishes. Nevertheless, as a matter of derech
eretz, respectful behavior, he may not give
it to his host’s children without permission
(Sefer Ha-Miknah, Kuntres Acharon, Hilchos
Kiddushin 28:17).
Rav Betzalel Stern (20th cen., Israel) adds
another important practical point. Whatever
disagreement exists about when a guest
first acquires his food, everyone agrees that
leftovers remaining on the guest’s own plate
belong to him (Be-Tzel Ha-Chochmah, vol.
4, no. 148).
Rav Shlomo Zalman Braun (20th cen., US)

explores a related issue in a 1992 Shabbos Ha-
Gadol sermon. Some authorities recommend

that every guest at a Passover seder formally
acquire the matzah before eating it for the
mitzvah of the night. Rav Braun argues that
such a formal acquisition is unnecessary.
Based on the sources we have seen, by
the time a guest actually eats the matzah
it unquestionably belongs to him. There is
therefore no need for each guest to formally
acquire the matzah in advance (She’arim
Metzuyanim Ba-Halachah, Nedarim 34b s.v.
amar leih lo).
IV. Taking Wedding Food Home
The most direct discussion of our question
appears in a responsum of Rav Shmuel
Wosner (21st cen., Israel). He writes that a
guest may take home food that was served
to him on his plate. He may not simply take
other food, because the host may object to its
removal. However, Rav Wosner adds that in
places such as America, where leftovers are
simply thrown out, there is no concern with
taking home food that would otherwise be
discarded (Shevet Ha-Levi, vol. 4, no. 225).
In my experience in America, leftover food
that was served on an individual plate is
thrown out. Food from the smorgasbord,
main meal and dessert that was not served is
then packed up and taken home by the bride’s
family. I have been blessed to have had to
pack my car with those leftovers after my
children’s weddings and find freezer space
for it all.
Nevertheless, although we had paid for
all the food, we certainly would not have
minded if a guest took a small amount home.
That ordinary assumption about what a host
permits seems to be what Rav Fuerst had in
mind when he said that an invited guest may
take a little food home because “I am sure the
balebayis is not makpid.”