11 Mar WHO IS YOUR FRIEND FOR MISHLO’ACH MANOS?

One of the mitzvos
of Purim is giving
food to a friend.
The verse says
that Purim is a day
of “u-mishlo’ach

manos ish le-
re’ehu, sending food a man to his friend”

(Esther 9:22). The Sages see in this
biblical phrase an obligation to send at
least two items of food (manos in plural)
to one person. However, the term used
in the text is “re’ehu, his friend.” Does
this impose a limitation the obligation?
Before we pursue this avenue of
investigation, we should note that this
does not necessarily preclude giving gifts
to anyone else outside of the parameters
of mishlo’ach manos. You can give
someone a single item of food as a gift,
which is a beautiful gesture but not a
fulfillment of the mitzvah which requires
two items. The only question here is
how to fulfill this specific obligation of
mishlo’ach manos.
I. Outsiders
Rav Yoel Sirkes (17th cen., Poland) asks

why on Purim we give charity to at least
two people (matanos la-evyonim) but we
give gifts to only one person (mishlo’ach
manos). He explains that there are plenty
of poor people who need charity but we
must give mishlo’ach manos specifically
to a friend and some people don’t
have more than one friend. We must
acquire one friend (Avos 1:6) but not
necessarily more (Bach, Orach Chaim
695). According to the Bach, we give
mishlo’ach manos specifically to friends.
Rav Avigdor Nebenzahl (cont., Israel)
was asked whether it is proper to give
mishlo’ach manos to a stranger on the
street whom you probably will never
see again. He answers that you fulfill the
mitzvah with this gift because you are
spreading joy and friendship among Jews
(Yerushalayim Be-Mo’adeha, Purim, p.
408, no. 132). “re’ehu” need not mean
someone who is already your friend. He
also says that you may give mishlo’ach
manos to an enemy of yours because that
might change him into a friend (ibid.,
p. 409, no. 134). However, he says that
you do not fulfill the mitzvah by giving

mishlo’ach manos to an apostate, a Jew
who converted to another religion (p.
413, no. 144) because he has removed
himself from the Jewish people.
Rav Yehudah Aryeh Leib Alter (19th
cen., Poland) distinguishes between a
communally important person (a gadol)
and a private individual (a katan).
Because they are not in the same social
circle, the gadol should send mishlo’ach
manos to the katan, thereby declaring
him to be a friend. Now that they are
friends, the katan may send mishlo’ach
manos in return (Sefas Emes, Megillah
7b, quoted in Rav Avraham Pietrikowski,
Piskei Teshuvah, vol. 1, no. 138).
II. Father and Rabbis
Some have asked whether it is
disrespectful to give mishlo’ach manos
to a parent or rabbi. By doing so, you
are implying that they are merely your
friend. To put it more halachically, we do
not give mishlo’ach manos to a mourner
because this falls under the prohibition of
asking about the wellbeing of a mourner
(sho’el bi-shlomo; Rema, Shulchan
Aruch, Orach Chaim 696:6). Rav Yosef
Karo (16th cen., Israel) rules that a
student may only ask of his rabbi’s
wellbeing in an extremely respectful
way while Rav Moshe Isserles (Rema;
16th cen., Poland) quotes a view that
a student may never ask of his rabbi’s
wellbeing (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh
De’ah 242:16). If a student may not
ask about his rabbi’s wellbeing and
giving mishlo’ach manos is considered
asking about the recipient’s wellbeing,
then it follows that a student may not
give mishlo’ach manos to his rabbi.
(Of course, this does not address the
longstanding tradition to give money
on Purim to the chronically underpaid
rabbi.) Similarly, since a son must
respect his father, maybe a son is
also not allowed to give his father
mishlo’ach manos.
Rav Yehudah Aszod (19th cen.,
Hungary) disagrees at length with this
logic (Responsa Yehudah Ya’aleh,
Orach Chaim, no. 204). First, he points
out that giving a gift is a display of
respect. The Gemara (Kesubos 105b)
says that someone who gives a gift to
a Torah scholar is as if he brought his
first fruits (bikurim) to the Temple.
That refers to a mundane gift. A
mitzvah gift, i.e. mishlo’ach manos,
is even more special. Additionally, he

points out that the term re’ehu means
one’s fellow, not necessarily friend.
The prohibition against oppressing your
fellow (Lev. 19:13) and the obligation
to love your fellow like yourself (Lev.
19:18) both apply to your rabbi. Indeed,
we sometimes find that the Sages refer to
Hashem as our fellow.
More to the point, the Gemara (Megillah
7a-b) says that R. Yehudah Nesi’ah sent
meat and wine on Purim to R. Oshaya.
R. Oshaya, who was poor, replied that
his teacher had fulfilled both mishlo’ach
manos and matanos la-evyonim. Rav
Aszod points out that R. Oshaya referred
to his rabbi as his fellow. Rav Aszod
concludes that someone who gives his
rabbi mishlo’ach manos fulfills multiple
mitzvos.
Many others agree with this ruling.
Indeed, the fifteenth century German
student of Rav Yisrael Isserlein (author
of Terumas Ha-Deshen), in his Leket
Yosher (Orach Chaim, p. 359) writes
that you must give to a friend mishlo’ach
manos, and even more so to your rabbi.
Rav Menasheh Klein (21st cen., US)
points out that the Gemara (Sanhedrin
84b) explicitly applies the verse about
loving your fellow to a father (Responsa
Mishneh Halachos, vol. 7, no. 94). In
short, according to most authorities,
mishlo’ach manos is not only for friends
but also for making friends.
CORRECTION: Last week’s tribute to
Rav Elazar Teitz contained incorrect
information about the practice at the
Ponevez Yeshiva on Yom HaAtzma’ut.
According to Rabbi Teitz, the yeshiva
did not say Tachanun but Rav Elazar
Shach made a private minyan which
said it. Neither the yeshiva nor Rav
Shach said Hallel.