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Speak Your Vues

CROCKPOT SHOW

Dear Editor:

I’m wondering if you can give me some contact information for Mr. P. Lurkowitz.

I would like to hire him to come entertain at an event, but I can’t find a way of contacting him.

Looking forward to your response,

Thanking you in advance,

The Hupperts

Editor’s Note: Eh, I don’t think he wants me to give out his number. I anticipate him calling you. If you wish him to call you then you should leave us your number.

PURIM POETRY

Dear Editor:

Enclosed please find a poem I wrote.

Purim era is an extra-ordinary spiritual day

Because the miracle was on its way

The profound jeopardy that the Jews faced

Was soon reversed with the gallows based

The Iranian prime minister an anti Semitic he was

Tormenting the Jews while evading the laws

Oblivious of what his fate might be he continued the Jews torturing

Assuming that his act was flourishing

The dejected Jews endeavored their faith to maintain

And tried never to complain

Cognizant that the almighty could reverse their catastrophic situation

And save from the wicked ones the Jewish nation

In due time the phenomenon transpired, unshackling the Jews from their turbulent phase

Consequently giving the prime minister’s plan a raze

Henceforth annihilating the Jews has now become an impediment for the Iranian henchmen

Enthusing the Jews, it was beyond their ken

Y.A.

HAPPY PURIM TO ALL!

Editor’s Note: What an amazing talent!

SPAM PHONE CALLS

Dear Editor:

I recently have received a lot of spam calls. It seems that the IRS and every credit card company and warranty company is looking for me. I did refer them to speak to the solar company that keeps on calling me. How do all these people get my number?

Yankel P

Editor’s Note: Good question seems like they got my number too. They even called me once to tell me that I won millions and all i got to do is send them 5 thousand to release the funds. It’s a good thing I am not greedy. I figured I would rather keep my five thousand than hope to get a million LOL.

ROBERT MUELLER AT WORK

Dear Editor:

It seems like Robert Mueller is close to finishing his report every single week. I feel that the report will come out within the next decade and it will be a bunch of nonsense. Is it fair that we just spend millions of dollars of taxpayers’ money on these things?

Josh J

Editor’s Note: You are a hundred percent right. But what can we do? We live in a politically correct society so we must reveal and discuss every single thing that might have happened until Trump got elected.

 

MATZAH FUND

Dear Editor:

What a great ad for the matzah fund in this past week’s issue. The picture of the the family living in a shipping container really shows how much other Jews don’t have….. and how much we do. (This inspires me to think that anytime something I perceive is bad from shamayim, at least I’m not living like this.)

Editor’s Note: It should also convince you to send some money for these poor people. Hatzlocha!

INVITE TO YOUR SEDER

Dear Editor:

Greetings,

Thanks for being a forum for many issues. Perhaps an awareness of the many single, lonely persons in the community who need seder invites can be considered. There are many people looking for a venue to share the seder experience.

Thanks,

SALLY GROSSMAN

Editor’s Note: Thanks for the reminder and we hope people are inspired and invite others as we say in the hagadda that whoever is hungry should come and eat.

SCAMMERS

Dear Editor:

A few days ago I was bored while driving, so I called one of those Pakistani scam computer people (the ones that put spyware via remote login on your computer while claiming they’re removing viruses) and asked to please transfer me to an American rep (which of course they don’t have). He asked me wha’ts wrong with Pakistanis, and I replied, “Pakistanis are dirty stealers that scam people out of their money…” and proceeded with a few more adjectives describing them ( I was angry about the lady that was scammed out of her money.)

This is where it got interesting. He knew that I knew exactly what he is, but decided to engage. He calmly asked, “Why shouldn’t we steal and scam people of their money?” I responded, “Because it’s animalistic and you die a piece of garbage.” He then said, “Exactly, you die, isn’t the point in life getting money so you can do what you want, it doesn’t matter who you were once you die!”

I had no answer. We fully believe in a din v’cheshbon (either in this world or the next) but what could have I responded to him? He clearly doesn’t believe in the afterlife (or definitely not a din v’cheshbon) so what possible motivating factor can keep him from stealing???

It’s been a few days and I still can’t think of what would have been a good response.

Yossi J

Editor’s Note: He does not deserve a response. Why even give a guy like that the time of your day.

HALACHA AND LIBERALISM

Dear Editor:

Is it possible that it’s against halacha to consider yourself a liberal, or to vote liberal? As we know, liberals are EXTREMELY pro-abortion, which is against halacha. By supporting, or even voting for liberal agendas, are you indirectly supporting abortion?

Editors Note: Regarding this issue you may be right, but the Torah is not against gun control or welfare etc.