11 Mar SPEAK YOUR VUES WITH THE VUES MASTER
BEST IGROS
Dear Vues Master,
Last week’s fun question in The Jewish Vues about your
favorite Igros Moshe was a classic — absolutely fantas-
tic. My rebbe brought it to yeshiva, and we went over all
the answers from the different rabbanim. Each answer was
better than the next. We are truly fortunate to have had the
gadol, Rav Moshe Feinstein ZT”L, in our generation. May
his neshama have an aliyah on his yahrtzeit, which falls on
Taanis Esther.
RRF
Vues Master’s Note: Great question and amazing answers! I
really enjoyed it myself!
SHABBOS LUNCH COMPANY
Dear Vues Master,
If my shul service on Shabbos morning ends at 11:00 AM
and we invite company over for lunch, is it wrong to tell
them that we are starting lunch at noon? This past Shab-
bos, we had to wait for our guests to arrive until 1:00 PM.
I really wanted to take a nap, but by the time the meal was
over, it was already after 4:00 PM. I promised my son I
would learn with him on Shabbos afternoon, so I didn’t get
any rest. When I don’t get sleep on Shabbos afternoon, I’m
exhausted for the entire week. I told my wife I don’t want to
invite anyone for lunch anymore, and she’s not happy with
me. What should I do?
GT
Vues Master’s Note: There needs to be some sort of com-
promise. There are therapists who specialize in situations
like this!
DID YOU KNOW?
Dear Vues Master,
Did you know?
1-Only Megillas Esther is referred to as a “megillah” in
Chazal (both in Gemara Bavli & Yerushalmi). The other
four scrolls are never called a megillah.
2- There is a machlokes about whether the minhag of bang-
ing (making noise when Haman’s name is mentioned) is for
children only (according to Maharil) or for adults as well
(according to Chacham Tzvi).
3- Some have the minhag to bang only when Haman is men-
tioned as “Haman, the son of Hamdata.”
4- According to the Targum Sheni, the 50-cubit pole on
which Haman was hanged came from Noach’s Teivah.
5- The name of the horse that Mordechai rode on was She-
fargaz (translated as “super gas” or “safer gas” in the Tar-
gum Sheni).
6-The Tur quotes one of the Geonim who said to recite
Tachanun on Purim.
7- According to the Meggilas Esther, one may not fast on the
13th of Adar, which is Taanit Esther, the day before Purim.
8- The total number of words in Megillat Esther is an odd
number.
9- Esther and Haman are both mentioned 55 times in the
Megillah (according to the Rokeach).
Vues Master’s Note: Well, now I do know it!
HAPPINESS
Dear Vues Master,
There is a fascinating story about Reb Yonason Eibshitz.
When he was a young boy in yeshiva, he made a lot of noise
in class during the month of Adar. His rebbi couldn’t stop
him, so he had no choice but to go to Reb Yonason’s father,
who was the Rav of the town.
His father came to the cheder, and Reb Yonason was quiet.
His father asked him why he had been so jumpy and loud.
Reb Yonason responded, “Mishenichnas Adar, Marbim
B’simcha.” (When the month of Adar begins, we increase in
joy.) “I have a chiyuv (obligation) to be joyful.”
Reb Yonason continued, “Divrei HaRav u’Divrei
HaTalmid—my mitzvah comes before the rebbe’s.”
The father then asked, “Why are you quiet now?”
Reb Yonason answered, “Mishenichnas Av, Mema’atin
B’simcha.” (When the month of Av begins, we decrease in
joy.)
Vues Master’s Note: Do you think his father laughed, or did
he give him a smack?
PURIM TORAH
Dear Vues Master
King Achashverosh was *Finnish* with his disobedient
wife Vashti. “You *Congo* now!” he ordered her. After she
had *Ghana* way, the king’s messengers went *Roman*
the land to find a new queen. *Iran* around all over and *In-
dia* end, the beautiful Esther won the crown. Meanwhile,
Mordechai sat outside the palace, where the *Chile* Haman
would *Czech* up on him daily. “I *Haiti*
you because you refuse to bow to me!” Ha-
man scolded Mordechai. “*USA* very stub-
born man. You Jews are such *Bahamas*! If
you keep this up, *Denmark* my words! I will
have all your people killed! Just *Kuwait*
and see, you *Turkey*! “ Mordechai went
into mourning and tore his clothes–a custom
known as *Korea*. He urged Esther to plead
with the king. The Jews fasted for three days
and grew very *Hungary*. Esther approached
the king and asked, ‘*Kenya* *Belize* come
to a banquet I’ve prepared for you and Ha-
man?” At the feast, she invited her guests to
a second banquet to eat *Samoa*. The king
asked, “Esther, why *Jamaica* big meal like
this? Just tell me what you want. Up to half
my *United Kingdom* will I give you.” Es-
ther replied, “*Spain* full for me to say this,
but Haman is *Russian* to kill my people.”
Haman’s loud *Wales* could be heard as he
carried *Honduran* this scene. “*Oman*!”
Haman cried bitterly. “*Iraq* my brains in
an effort to destroy the Jews. But that sneaky
Mordechai – *Egypt* me! “ Haman and his ten
sons were hanged and went immediately to the
*Netherlands*. And to *Sweden* the deal, the
Jews were allowed to *Polish* off the rest
of their foes as well. “You lost your enemies
and *Uganda* friend,” the king smiled. And
that is why the Purim story Israeli a miracle.
G-d decided to *China* light on His chosen
people. So now, let’s celebrate! Forget all your
*Syria’s* business and just be happy! *Serb*
up some wine and **Taiwan**on !! Happy
Purim!!!
Country Yossi
Vues Master’s Note: Great Purim Torah
HAPPY
Dear Vues Master, I know it’s the month of
Adar, and I’m supposed to be happy, but I’m
finding it very difficult with everything going
on in this crazy world. It feels like World War
III is about to start with all the chaos happen-
ing. How can I enjoy Purim this year?” RDF
Vues Master’s Note: I would be happy to help
you with that. Happiness is something that
comes from within. Even an avel (mourner)
can find joy in the fact that they are fulfilling
the mitzvah of aveilus. Try to focus on the
good things, and find reasons to be happy!
MUSIC
Dear Vues Master:
I just came back from a chasuna and the noise
was insanely loud. Am I the only one that
thinks that? I feel like it’s getting louder &
louder.
GH
Vues Master’s Note: Or is it your hearing that
is going?
AN OPEN LETTER FROM A FRUS-
TRATED SHADCHAN
Dear Vues Master:
It’s so hard to please anyone these days!!!
Here is a partial list of my clients… I couldn’t
even get them one date, and that’s why I’m
finally quitting and going into the pickle busi-
ness.
Avraham Avinu: How can you recommend
him to my daughter? Wasn’t he involved in a
family feud with his father over some idols?
Then he left home without a GPS or a viable
business plan!
Yitzchak Avinu: His brother is an Arab terror-
ist!!!
Rivka Imeinu: Sorry, she seems nice, but did
you hear about her mishpucha??? Her father’s
a murderer, and her brother’s a Ponzi scam art-
ist…
Yaakov Avinu: Okay, he sits and learns all
day… but his brother is a no-goodnik. And
anyway, we heard he has a limp…
Leah Imeinu: Her father’s a con artist, and she
has ophthalmological problems. Maybe it’s
genetic?
Moshe Rabbeinu: Are you kidding? His par-
ents are divorced! And worse… they remar-
ried! And we hear he’s in speech therapy…
King David: How dare you suggest him to
our yichusdike family? Our neighbor Yenti
told us that his great-grandmother was a gi-
yoret!!!
Chava: Do you know anything about her
family? We’ve never heard of them. No one
knows where she came from, and she can’t
come up with any referrals!
(Please, chevra, judge the person for who
they are, not their family. You’re marrying
the person, not the family. You’re building
your home together, not trying to please your
neighbors. And finally, remember: If you are
in this world, you’re not perfect, and neither
is your spouse.)
PD
Vues Master’s Note: Well if Avraham Avinu
would be around today he might not wear a
black hat!
WATCH YOUR CHILDREN
Dear Vues Master:
Please watch your children. The other day, I
was driving and almost hit a toddler who was
crossing the street by himself. The mother
came running after him!
Our children are too precious, and just because
the weather is getting nicer, we must still keep
a close eye on them. -BI
Vues Master’s Note: I feel like every time I
try to lose track of my child, they always man-
age to find their way back. I guess no one else
wants them!
CORRESPONDENCE BETWEEN
COUNTRY YOSSI & A FAN
Dear Country Yossi,
I absolutely love your music! I grew up listen-
ing to Kivi & Tuki, and now I’m sharing them
with my kids. Thank you so much – you’ve
taught us so much over the years.
I recently heard the “And Then He Potched
Me” song, and I must admit, it really upset
me. What on earth is that about? Your songs
are typically so educational, filled with great
humor and music, so I’m confused by what
seems like a song about a Rebbe and a parent
doing the wrong thing. What is it doing in your
collection of songs?
Thank you for taking the time to read my let-
ter. I’m just a concerned fan, and I really ap-
preciate your response.
Warmly, Dr. Annette Stone Manchester, Eng-
land
________________________________
Response from Country Yossi:
Dear Dr. Annette,
Thank you for your heartfelt letter and your
sincere inquiry! As you may not know, the
song in question was written back in the
1960s, when the educational approach in the
yeshivas we attended – as well as in many
frum homes – was often “potch first, discuss
later.”
Many of the Rabbeim, teachers, and parents
at the time were Holocaust survivors, and
the methods they used to maintain discipline
were harsh, to say the least, by today’s more
enlightened standards. Corporal punishment
was unfortunately a preferred method.
So, while the song reflects that reality, it is
now a rather unpleasant snapshot of a mind-
set that thankfully no longer exists. I hope
that by hearing it, today’s students will real-
ize how fortunate they are to be living in an
era of loving, caring, supportive, and well-
trained teachers and Rabbeim.
Thanks again for your thoughtful input. I
truly appreciate it!
Stay well, and keep enjoying the music.
Country Yossi
________________________________
Dear Country Yossi,
How incredibly kind of you to reply. I really
appreciate your honest answer.
Are you the Country Yossi who actually sings
the songs? You could never know the ripple
effects of the tremendous impact you’ve had
on me and so many others.
All my kids know the sedras because of your
songs, sing your Alef Beis song, know the
months of the year, and understand that הוא
means “he,” all thanks to you. My son laughs
so much about the “pickles on your head”
part, and just imagine how many aveiros have
been avoided because of your message about
the Yetzer Hara being a real “mean guy.”
The joy created by Tuki’s antics is amazing,
and your influence on kids and future genera-
tions has been so holy and impactful.
Thank you so much, and tizku lemitzvos!
Warmly, Dr. Annette Stone
SHIDDUCHIM CRISIS
(This letter was originally in yeshivaworld.com)
Dear Vues Master
In response to a yeshivaworld.
com mailbag letter from “A
Hopeful Jew,” who wrote a let-
ter alleging that bochurim only
wanting to date younger girls,
I have to say—I get the frustra-
tion. I really do. But frustration
doesn’t justify spreading mis-
information about the shidduch
crisis, especially when we finally
have a real, data-backed plan to
address the issue. The last thing
we need is for misleading narratives to derail
efforts that can make an actual difference.
Our approach to the shidduch crisis cannot
be about feelings, speculation, or half-baked
theories. They must be about cold, hard facts.
The OU’s Center for Communal Research,
commissioned by The Shidduch Institute, has
provided real numbers that expose the myths
plaguing the conversation. And it’s time we
faced them.
For years, people have thrown around exag-
gerated claims about the so-called “age gap.”
Five or six years? That’s simply not true. The
median age gap between husbands and wives
is two years—and even the average is only
2.5 years. The idea that 24- or 25-year-old
bochurim categorically refuse to date girls
their age is just false.
Now, let’s talk about the actual “crisis.” The
actuarial models show that, due to the age
gap, between 2.5% and 6.2% of women may
struggle to find a spouse within the sample
population. That number isn’t pulled out of
thin air—it’s backed by research (Table 3).
More importantly, there’s a clear solution:
closing the age gap to one year would virtu-
ally eliminate the imbalance. That’s exactly
what the Gedolim are trying to accomplish.
There’s another painful truth: More boys than
girls leave Yiddishkeit or drift away from the
yeshivish world. It’s an unfortunate reality
that further skews the numbers.
The math is simple:
If 3% of men leave, the female surplus rises
to 5.3%. If 5% leave, it jumps to 7.2%. If
10% leave, an alarming 12% of women could
be left without a spouse in the sample popula-
tion (Table 4).
This is not a game. These are real lives at
stake.
Another major problem? The assumption that
there are enough full-time learners for every
girl who wants one. There aren’t.
Here’s how the numbers break down:
Ages 18-20: 96% of bochurim are learning
full-time. Ages 21-23: 83% are still in learn-
ing. Ages 24-26: That number drops to 72%.
Ages 27-29: Now, it’s only 41%. Ages 30+:
A mere 17% are still in full-time learning
(Table 5).
If every girl who’s open to either a learner
or a worker marries a learner, what happens
to the girls who will only marry a full-time
learner? There won’t be enough left. That’s
a reality no one wants to face—but it’s real.
Some are trying to paint this initiative as un-
fairly targeting girls, telling them to “sit and
wait.” That’s just nonsense. The real plan
calls for girls to start shidduchim slightly
later AND for bochurim to head to Eretz Yis-
roel earlier—shrinking the age gap from two
years to one. This isn’t about “buying time.”
It’s about fixing a systemic imbalance.
And let’s be honest—only about 20% of girls
get married in their first year of dating. That
first year doesn’t necessarily start right after
seminary, either. Many already delay starting
shidduchim on their own. The adjustment be-
ing proposed isn’t some radical overhaul; it’s
a strategic shift that can drastically improve
the numbers.
Most boys don’t start shidduchim until they
return from Eretz Yisroel at 23 or 24. So when
a 21-year-old girl is struggling to find dates, it
doesn’t mean there’s no one for her—it often
just means that her future chosson isn’t even
in America yet.
That’s not a shidduch crisis. That’s a dating
crisis. And the plan proposed by the gedolim
addresses it by ensuring the numbers align
better in the coming years.
No one is claiming this plan is perfect. But
there is a stark reality we cannot ignore: If
we don’t follow our leaders and Gedolim, we
don’t have a solution.
This is the first time a research-backed ap-
proach has been put forward to actually solve
the crisis at its root. And instead of rallying
behind it, some people are looking for ways
to tear it down. That’s not just irresponsible—
it’s dangerous.
If this plan isn’t
implemented,
we already
know what hap-
pens: more un-
married women,
more families
struggling, and
more pain. If
we stand in the
way of this ef-
fort—whether
by publicly
opposing it or
spreading misin-
formation—we
will carry an un-
bearable burden.
History will judge us. Beis Din Shel Maala
will judge us.
Did we help or hurt the efforts to solve this
crisis? The answer is up to us.
A final, painful question: What happens to the
older singles already in the system?
The study doesn’t say that 2.5% to 6% (or
even 10%) of girls will remain unmarried. It
says that, based on the numbers, they may not
find a spouse within mainstream yeshivish
circles. That doesn’t mean they won’t get
married. Many find their matches in Chassi-
dish, Modern Orthodox, or previously mar-
ried individuals.
But that doesn’t mean we can let the system
keep running on autopilot. That would be
irresponsible. Chazal and Rishonim empha-
size the importance of marrying within one’s
hashkafic circles. It is our duty—halachical-
ly, communally, and ethically—to act.
The bottom line is that the conversation
around the shidduch crisis is too important
to be hijacked by misinformation. It’s time to
stop arguing over anecdotes and start listen-
ing to the facts.
The plan before us has the backing of data. It
has the backing of Gedolim. It makes sense.
And if we implement it, we can make a real
difference.
The choice is simple: Do we stand in the way,
or do we stand together to solve this crisis?
Signed,
Akiva Kleinberg
Vues Master’s Note: Thank you for sharing
this thoughtful and data-driven perspective.
The proposed plan, backed by research and
the guidance of Gedolim, offers a practical
approach to addressing the shidduch crisis.
It’s crucial we work together to implement
solutions based on facts, ensuring the well-
being of our community.