17 Jan SPEAK YOUR VUES WITH THE VUES MASTER
PSICHA
Dear Vues Master:
FULL DISCLOSURE: The following story is 100%
true (except for some minor exaggerations, literary em-
bellishments, and factual amplifications!)
The P’sicha Fiasco
Last week I was approached by a Gabbai before the
Torah reading, and was kindly offered to do P’sicha.
I didn’t have to think for even a moment before po-
litely declining the honor. He looked at me strangely,
like, what chutzpah, but then shrugged and turned and
offered it to somebody else. It might have been the
first time in his 30 year “Gabbaihood” that somebody
turned him down! I saw him whisper something to the
Rabbi, who gave me a dirty look, but I didn’t care. Lit-
tle did he know there was a good reason for my seem-
ing disrespect! You see, last year I was davening in a
crowded Young Israel minyan with over 800 mispall-
elim in Florida one Shabbos when I was approached by
a well-meaning Gabbai asking me to do P’sicha. Natu-
rally, I was honored and quickly agreed. Then, at the
proper time, I strode up to the Aron Kodesh, stood on
the right side of the huge, embroidered, velvet curtain,
and looked for the cord to pull on, and thereby slide
the “Paroches” to the side. But to my chagrin there was
no cord to pull! I quickly looked behind the curtain,
but no luck. I thought, perhaps it was on the other side
for some reason, so I walked quickly to the left side
of the curtain and searched – to no avail! NO CORD!
A murmur went up from the crowd. I was holding up
the Davening! The Chazzan was already standing there
nervously tapping his foot, waiting for me to give him
the Sefer Torah. He was staring daggers at me! My
face started to turn a bright crimson just like the vel-
vet curtain that was giving me such problems. I turned
around, looking for help, but no one was coming to my
aid. Then I had a brilliant idea! I recalled that in some
shuls the Aron didn’t have any cords to pull. You had
to slide the curtain to the side with your hand. Sheep-
ishly smiling, but now, with a growing confidence that
I had solved the problem, I tried pushing the curtain to
the side. But it wouldn’t budge! It was big and heavy,
and hardly moved. Aha, I thought to myself, I probably
have to push it not from left to right but from right to
left. Beaming at my brilliance, I quickly jumped to the
other side and tried pushing it that way. But again it
wouldn’t budge an inch! By now the murmuring had
turned into angry shouts, hooting and laughter! “NEEE,
NUUU, SHOITEH EFFIN SHOIN!” I started to panic!
The blood drained from my face! For a brief second,
I thought of bolting off the stage, out of the Shul and
running home. But then I had a brilliant idea. I turned
and picked up the curtain from the bottom and raised
it over my head and dropped it behind me. So now I
was invisible to the deafening crowd and had access
to the Aron. I thought, perhaps, this was a new secu-
rity feature to protect against anyone seeing the com-
bination used to open the Aron. At this point, the agi-
tated shouting and insults ( Meshugeneh, Shlimazel”)
were mostly muffled, but now I could hear footsteps
approaching me. The Gabbai had finally come to my
rescue. He lifted the curtain and guided me back to the
proper position on the right side of the curtain. Now,
utterly mortified, I half turned to see the devastation I
had unleashed.To my horror there was utter chaos in
the shul. 800 exceedingly agitated, starving men were
calling for my head. I thought at any moment I would
be rushed, bound and quartered by the crazed crowd al-
ready salivating from the scent of pickled herring, Cho-
lent and Kishkeh wafting in from the lobby. The rabbi’s
face had turned a deep, royal purple with embarrass-
ment! The aging president was apoplectic, his whole
body was twitching uncontrollably and his mouth was
convoluted and twisted with an expression I’d never
seen on a living person before. The Gabbai looked up
and gently lifted my hand above my head. Perplexed I
too looked way up and lo and behold I couldn’t believe
my eyes! There, hanging about three feet above my
head was the beautiful, blessed, triple braided, tasseled
cord! I’d have to have been 8 feet tall to have seen it-
but there it was. I quickly pulled it down and the cur-
tain smoothly slid to the side. The cacophony quickly
subsided and I handed the Torah to the Chazzan. I then
followed closely behind him for protection as he car-
ried it to the Bimah and to the audible sound of snick-
ering laughter I quickly left the Shul. I haven’t gon
back there since! End of story? Hardly! A
year later I was davening in a Shteeble this
time when once again I was approached
by a well meaning Gabbai offering me…
P’sicha. What it is about my face that
makes me the perfect candidate for P’sicha
I’ll never know. By this time the pain and
anguish of the first sordid affair had some-
what dissipated and I figured what can
possibly go wrong? I reluctantly accepted!
As I approached the curtain I was horrified
once again to see there was no cord! I don’t
know who designs these things, but they
should be shot! Horrible memories flooded
my mind nearly paralyzing my muscles! I
ran to the other side- still no cord! Remem-
bering the last time, I looked up to the ceil-
ing-but this time still no blessed cord! Ner-
vous murmurs and giggles rose from the
congregation. I began to sweat profusely!
Thankfully the rabbi saw my predicament
and made a swiping motion with his hand.
I quickly got the message and swiped the
curtain. It slid easily to the side. Whew!
Now I only had to open the two heavy,
gray metal doors. Should be easy shmeazy,
right? But as hard as I tried I couldn’t get
them to swing open! Each door must’ve
weighed 100 pounds! I couldn’t even turn
the handles! Some men started yelling out
instructions from the back of the shul. Turn
them to the left, turn them to the right, pull,
push – nothing worked! The room began
spinning! Pandemonium broke out as my
heart started palpitating and I felt a diz-
zying nausea rise from my bowels! My
nightmare scenario was coming true…
once again! I swooned and collapsed to the
floor! A Hatzolah member jumped out of
his seat, pulled out his walkie-talkie and
proceeded to rip open my shirt! But before
he could reach for the defibrillator, some-
one shouted, “it’s open!” I looked up from
the floor and the two iron doors were wide
open, and the beautiful Torahs stood ma-
jestically within, waiting to be taken out.
I immediately felt better, got up and hand-
ed the Torah to the Chazzan. As I slowly
made my way back to my seat people were
patting my back and wishing me well but
right then and there I made a solemn vow
– never to accept P’sicha again! So all you
Gabbies reading this out there. If you see
me in shul be forewarned: I’ll accept any
Aliyah, Hagbah, Glilah or even Maftir but
please, please no P’sicha!!!
Country Yossi Toiv
Vues Master’s Note: I hope you open up!
Don’t pull the curtain on your act? It seems
like the Gabai is pulling some strings!
SCOOT OVER
Dear Vues Master:
I find it hard to believe how we sacrifice
for our children, send them to the very
best Yeshivas, and pay the highest tu-
ition to get a meaningful education. An
education filled with examples from our
avos and emahos. We send them to learn
chesed, middos, and most of all derech
eretz. Yet, when our children go out into
the streets with their electric scooters that’s
when derech erets really counts. Sadly, to
say all those examples are not being prac-
ticed. Unfortunately, it seems as though
non-Jews have more middos and respect
when it comes to slowing down. Why, just
this week alone two African Americans
and a Mexican yielded and smiled while
bringing his scooter to a complete stop al-
lowing me to pass, instead of zooming by
having me move out of their way. So, how
is it dear parents that we are not teaching
our teenagers the basics in Derech Eretz?
while they are on their way to yeshiva to
learn said derech eretz? PLEASE move out
of the pedestrian’s way do not force the pe-
destrian to move out of your way. Whenev-
er a rider does behave respectfully, I make
sure to point it out to them verbally. So,
parents please teach your children to have
common decency in other words derech
eretz on the streets
Thank You
Devorah Leitner
Vues Master’s Note: Derech Eretz is not
taught but rather followed by example!
CHARITY
Dear Vues Master:
When Rabbi Eizel Charif was asked why
it is that people prefer to give charity to a
disabled pauper than to a pauper who is a
Talmid Chacham, he responded: “Every
person is concerned that he could also lose
his wealth and lose his health and become
a pauper. But people are not concerned
that they might become a Talmid Chacham
and poor.”
MV
Vues Master’s Note: You mean you can’t
become a Talmid Chacham automatically!
RASHA
Dear Vues Master:
Berashis (48:8,9) – Yisra’el saw Yosef’s
sons. (When he tried to bless them, the
Divine Presence departed, so) he said,
“(From) where were these (boys born,
who are not worthy of being blessed)?”
(Producing his betrothal and marriage con-
tract,) Yosef said to his father, “They are
my sons, whom Hashem gave through (a
marriage certificate by) this (documenta-
tion).” – Gutnick Edition How did Yosef
know to bring the documents and why did
Yisra’el inquire now? Yisra’el did not have
any reason to see the documents until there
was a transaction. Similarly, Yoseph wrote
those documents with the understanding
that one day he would have to show his
father. This means Yosef understood the
rules of the home and Yisra’el was satis-
fied. This addresses an important matter
that many fathers must contend with. A
father must make sure the children know
the rules of the home, when they are still
young. For instance, Rabbi Aisenstark re-
lated the following: The father of Rabbis
Shimon Mordechai and Moshe Schwab
would bang his hand down at the Seder
table at the mention of the Evil Son and
proclaimed “I love all my children very
much. You must all know however that I
love Hashem much more.” He made clear
that any son who became a rasha would
no longer be welcome in the family home.
The father must set the foundation by not
being a hypocrite; you cannot expect your
son to listen to you if you do not listen to
your father. Once a son can take care of
himself the father is more obligated to his
father than his son; however, in practice
the grandfather wants his grandchild taken
care of first.
DG
Vues Master’s Note: Remember a father
who is divorced is in a different matzav
than a regular father!
TALMIDEI CHACHAMIM
Dear Vues Master:
Nedarim 81a. And for what reason is it
not common for Torah scholars to give
rise to Torah scholars from among their
sons? Rav Yosef said: [1] This is so that
they should not say the Torah is their in-
heritance. Therefore, it is unusual to find
that all the sons of a Torah scholar are also
Torah scholars. Rav Sheshet, son of Rav
Idi, said: [2] This is so that they should not
be presumptuous toward the community,
with the knowledge that they will be Torah
scholars like their fathers. Mar Zutra said:
[3] Because they take advantage of their
fathers’ standing to lord over the commu-
nity and are punished for their conduct.
[According to the Maharsha it is the To-
rah scholars’ punishment because they act
domineeringly towards the public.] Rav
Ashi said: [4] Because they call ordinary
people donkeys. [Mararsha explains that
by calling people donkeys they imply that
the unlearned are naturally not inclined to-
wards wisdom. That belief is disproven by
their own children not becoming scholars.
For if success is dictated by one’s natural
capacity, their sons should become schol-
ars as well, since natural traits are usually
passed from father to son.] Ravina says:
[5] They are punished because they do not
first recite a blessing over the Torah before
commencing their studies. – by R. Stein-
saltz The last four reasons have in common
that there is a lack of humility. The litmus
test of a Talmud Chacham is if he is humble
before his parents. Here is an example of
someone who revered his parents, and his
children and his Childrens’ children were
Torah scholars, and that was the Chassam
Sofer’s father. He was a talmud Chacham
and showed unusual piety to his father.
Rav Brevda said that the Chasam Sofer’s
father asked his 12 year old son to give the
yahrzeit shir for him as he had to go away
for business. When he came back he heard
that his son gave a wonderful shiur but he
wasn’t happy that he asked questions on
his grandfather’s Torah and gave his own
answer. He slapped his son and he went to
bed crying. The son told his teacher, Rav
Nasson Adler, the next morning what hap-
pened. Rav Nasson told the father that he
can keep his son or give him over to him
completely. The father accepted the rebuke
and gave his son to him; even though, it
meant not talking to him again. He didn’t
have to do this but he understood this was
the best thing for his son otherwise his son
would always feel afraid of saying some-
thing that might contradict his grandfather.
Even though the father was strict with his
son, the end showed that it was 100 percent
for the son. The father’s actions caused his
descendants to remain Torah scholars. Hu-
mility starts with Bain Adam L’chaveiro
before Bain Adam L’makom and it starts
with your parents.
DG
Vues Master’s Note: Extremism never
works! Including bashing Roshei Yeshiva
because you disagree!
MOTHER IN LAW
Dear Vues Master:
אחות נחשון – הנושא אשה צריך לבדוק באחיה
Before ספר חסידים שע“ו, the to According
marrying a woman, one should check out
not only her brother but also her mother.
(Future Shvigger)
MF
Vues Master’s Note: It is a good thing peo-
ple don’t know this because the Shidduch
crisis would be that much greater. Who
would approve a mother-in-law!
LETTERS
Dear Vues Master:
I enjoy reading the Vues Master section
very much because of the many interest-
ing chazals and other vertlach submitted
by readers. Who ever thought a Letters to
the Editor section would be divrei Torah.
Fantastic publication.
WB
Vues Master’s Note: Why? Thank you, it
is good that our readership is sending us
these letters!
LESSON IN JOURNALISM
Dear Vues Master:
A Jewish visitor to Paris was on his way
to the Louvre when he saw a vicious dog
attack a boy. Without hesitation, the Jew
pounced on the dog, choked it to death,
and saved the little boy. Police quickly
appeared on the scene, followed by jour-
nalists eager to interview the hero. One
of them said: “Tomorrow’s headline will
be ‘A Parisian hero saves a child from
the teeth of a vicious dog.’” “That sounds
nice,” said the hero, “but I’m not Parisian.”
The journalist replied: “OK, so the head-
line will read “French hero saves a child
from the teeth of a vicious dog.’” The Jew-
ish visitor corrected him again. “I’m not
French.” Undeterred, the reporter said:
“So the headline will read “European hero
saves a child from the teeth of a vicious
dog.’” Once again, the hero corrected him:
“I’m not European. I’m Israeli.” “Well in
that case,” the journalist said, “the headline
will read “Israeli kills a boy’s dog in Paris
street.”
BM
Vues Master’s Note: I believe this was tak-
en from the Anti Semitic New York Times
School of Journalism!
SGULAH MARRYING AN OLDER
GIRL
Dear Vues Master:
SPECIAL CHILDREN
Amram married Yocheved who was older
than he & all their three children were
Nevim.
FM
Vues Master’s Note: Quick! Tell it to the
Nasi project! If it is a segulah then every-
one will quickly do it!
FUNERAL
Dear Vues Master:
A man left a will in which he stated that
his wife should be banned from his levaya.
“See what a cruel husband he was,” said
his wife. “Even in death, he wants to deny
me a little pleasure.”
GN
Vues Master’s Note: Poor lady! I feel for
her!
DAVENING
Dear Vues Master:
A young guy in shul this morning who
is visiting from Israel asked me what
time we would get to Boruchu. I know
from experience that lots of my fellow
Orthodox Jews keep a sharp eye on the
clock while they are davening; in fact,
the amud that the baal tefillah uses in my
shul has an actual listing of the various
times he should be reaching the various
sections of the service. I find this notion
absolutely ridiculous! I told the young
man, “I have no idea. When I’m daven-
ing I’m talking to Hashem, not looking at
the clock.” Why on Earth are we so very
obsessed with time during prayer when
we should consider ourselves to be in a
place beyond time and space? There is
one guy in my shul who, after mincha,
announces how many minutes and sec-
onds we have until maariv. This is amaz-
ingly stupid for a variety of reasons, not
the least of which is that in the days of
the gemara there was no such concept as
seconds. They hadn’t been invented yet!
And to imagine that G-d is standing in
heaven with a stopwatch, timing us to see
if we start the one precise and proper mo-
ment — and that it matters — is something
that a small child should be embarrassed
for thinking. When do we get smarter? It
reminds me of that pathetic joke. Some-
one asks a young Orthodox Jew whether
he ever thinks about G-d. The young
man responds, “Are you kidding? I get
up in the morning, say my prayers, wash
and get dressed, do daf yomi, then I’m
off to shacharis, then to yeshiva where I
learn all day, then attend a series of shi-
urim, then there’s minchah and maariv,
and then the rav gives a class. When am
I supposed to find time to think about
G-d?”
Vues Master’s Note: What a letter! OMG!
LOOKS
Dear Vues Master:
Aryeh took his wife to the doctor for a
check-up. After examining his wife, the
doctor took Aryeh aside and said to him:
“I don’t like the look of your wife at all.”
Aryeh responded: “To tell you the truth
doctor, I don’t either, but she’s a great cook
and is very good with the children.”
SW
Vues Master’s Note: If looks can kill!
TWO HUNDRED YEAR OLD
DVAR TORAH
Dear Vues Master:
The Radoshitzer Rebbe Zt”l (1765–1843)
said, (about 200 years ago)
כל הבן – היאורה תשליכוהו
All men should be thrown into the
התלמוד ים) learn all day)
תחיון הבת וכל and the women should earn
a living (support the family).
TE
Vues Master’s Note: Kollel here we come!
HAR HABAYIS
Dear Vues Master:
I was once on a Pesach Levy walking tour
of the old city in Yerushalayim on erev
Shabbos many many years ago. Of course
I was restless and walked (ran ) ahead of
R’ Pesach Levy. He gave a yell; “Stop!”
You’re about to enter a doorway to the Har
Habayis where you would be R”L Chay-
av Kores! He did take us close to where
you’re able to still go and pointed out to
us from far the makom hamizbeach. Vayar
es Hamokom mrachok Makom Akeidas
Yitzchak Har Hamoriah! IY”H bkorev
with Moshiach & Eliyah Hanavi ( not Ben
Gvir!)
RMS
Vues Master’s Note: I never knew these
tour guides are the new poskim!
SHALOM BAYIS
Dear Vues Master:
A man came complaining to the doctor.
“Doctor, I don’t know what to do,” he
said, “Every day my wife seems to lose
her temper for no reason. It scares me.”
The doctor told him he has a cure for that.
“When it seems that your wife is getting
angry, just take a glass of water and start
swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and
swish, but don’t swallow it until she ei-
ther leaves the room or calms down.” Two
weeks later, the man came back to the
doctor looking fresh and reborn. “Doctor,
that was a brilliant idea,” he said. “Every
time my wife started losing it, I swished
with water. I swished and swished and
she calmed right down. How does a glass
of water do that?” The doctor explained:
“The water itself doesn’t do anything. It’s
keeping your mouth shut that does the
trick.”
KY
Vues Master’s Note: I heard the same joke
with a woman who went to the Doctor!
TEFILLIN PROJECT
Dear Vues Master:
Letter of Appreciation
לכבוד האי גברא רבה ויקירא האהוב והנחמד
למעלה ולמטה המזכה את הרבים אשר
עליו נאמר שאין חטא בא על ידו
הרב אברהם שאכטער שליט“א
It’s been several years that I’ve been hear-
ing about you and your fabulous avodas
hakodesh, which you have undertaken
for no reason other than to be mezakeh
your fellow brothers. I was finally zocheh
to meet you the evening before the Tefil-
lin Awareness Event, which took place
in the Lutsk Bais Medrash on Zos Cha-
nukah. When I saw you, I saw in you a
much-larger-than-life figure. I saw in you
a man who has touched upon the spiritual
life of literally thousands upon thousands.
I saw in you a man whom Klal Yisroel
owes an astounding hakoras hatov. But so
much more than all that, I saw in you a
historic figure. I saw in you a man who
single-handedly changed the course of the
world, a man who made the world into
a better place. If I may, I would like to
elaborate. Ever since the world was cre-
ated, Hashem has always placed a hand-
ful of people in each generation to shape
His world. Although every yid and every
mitzvah definitely makes a difference,
nevertheless, generally speaking it is on
a personal level. It’s between man and his
Creator. However, there have always been
a handful of people who changed the nat-
ural course of the world’s spiritual events.
To name a few obvious ones. It was the
Chofetz Chaim who initiated the move-
ment to be makpid on lashon hora. It was
Rav Meir Shapiro who initiated Daf Ha-
yomi. It was the handful of Roshei Yeshi-
va, Rebbes and Rabbonim who replanted
Torah and yahadus in the treifa medina of
America. There was Rav Rosenberg who
initiated the movement to be makpid on
shatnez. There is Rav Nechemiah Gottle-
ib who initiated the tag movement, and
brought awareness to the dangers of tech-
nology. And now we have Rav Avraham
Schachter who has brought awareness to
the countless common serious Tefillin is-
sues that often arise. Rav Schachter, I talk
in the name of so many thousands of my
fellow yidden – Thank you so much!!
GW
Vues Master’s Note: We second the notion!
The Tefillin awareness project does won-
derful work!