29 Aug SPEAK YOUR VUES WITH THE VUES MASTER
SIMCHAS
Dear Vues Master:
I hate to complain about going to simchas
but am I the only one that can’t stand going
to all these weekday weddings? Over this
summer I’ve been invited to 8 chasunas. 7
of them were weeknights. I have a full time
job. It’s not easy to go to a simcha & get
home at 1am and go to work the following
day at 7am. Just venting….
KB
Vues Master’s Note: It sure beats going to
funerals!!
AFFORDABILITY
Dear Vues Master:
It’s amazing how people could afford
school tuition, camps, mortgage, bungalow
colonies, Yeshiva break vacation during
January & vacation between camp &
yeshiva starting. How do people do it???
It seems that everyone in my bungalow
colony went for a week’s vacation this
week before the yeshivas open. I feel like
a horrible parent because I told my kids we
can’t go anywhere this week. Tati needs to
work!
AC
Vues Master’s Note: I guess you did not
want to add to your credit card debt!
INFLATION
Dear Vues Master:
I can’t believe how expensive the American
Dream Mall is! I took my family there
this week between camp & yeshiva & I
couldn’t believe how much they charged
for miniature golf & their museum. It was
over $25 per person for something that
takes about a half hour. With a family of
5 children it cost me almost $1,000 for the
day! Obviously we had a choice whether
to go there or not but once we were there
we couldn’t believe how much everything
was. They had plenty of kosher food & that
wasn’t cheap but definitely was not crazy.
AD
Vues Master’s Note: You are paying for
the immigrants! Biden is giving away free
money for them while we are left holding
the bag!
EL AL FLYING TO ISRAEL FROM
FLORIDA
EL AL Israel Airlines announced last week
the schedule for its two new weekly flights
between Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood
International Airport and Ben Gurion
Airport in Tel Aviv beginning April 15,
2024, a week before Pesach. As a person
that lives in Florida six months a year, I’m
very happy about this.
AR
Vues Master’s Note: We’re getting ready
for Moshiach!!
BYE
Dear Vues Master:
This is the time of year when a lot of parents
are saying goodbye to their children who are
off to Israel for a year (or longer), going off to
college or otherwise moving out of the family
home for an extended period.
Because they won’t say it, I will…
it can be really, REALLY tough.
Few parents will want to talk about
the surprising amount of pain and
anxiety, feelings of loneliness and
‘what now?’ – even if you still
have a house full – that having a
child leaving home will create.
Being blessed with children, when
so many people are not blessed in
that way is amazing. And having
children who have matured and
developed to the point that they can
leave (and are sometimes eager to)
is a huge success, that again not
everyone gets to have. So nobody
wants to be so insensitive to others,
or appear so ungrateful as to mope
or vent about this. But if you know,
you know – it IS tough. When our
oldest left home for yeshiva I was
in a funk for weeks. I moped and
I was very very sad. And he only
went to Riverdale!!! (and I saw him
every week, and I was STILL sad.)
And for every child afterwards
I was both incredibly proud and
happy, and also really sad… This
may not be you, and if you are
thrilled, happy, proud etc without
any or many of the other emotions,
I am very pleased for you. If you are
in pain as well, know that despite
all the happy FB posts and pictures
you are definitely not alone. And I,
and many others, are always happy
to talk. Any comment that says
‘in my day we sent our kids off to
yeshiva and spoke on the phone
once a month will be deleted!)
RSR
Vues Master’s Note: My comment
is exactly what you want to erase!
FIRST
Dear Vues Master:
A group of Yeshiva boys were
having a discussion as to the
origin of earthly objects. First,
they argued the age-old question
as to which came first, the chicken
or the egg. But Judaism has an
answer for that, as one student
promptly pointed out: the chicken
came first. Otherwise, the egg
could not have been laid, and the
original chicken had to be created
by G-d. “I have another question,”
said one of the boys. “Which came
first, the doctor or the lawyer?”
The boys looked in their ספרים,
but couldn’t find an answer, so they
consulted their Rebbi. “The doctor
came before the lawyer,” said the
Rebbe, unhesitatingly. “How so?”
asked the boys. “Because a doctor
was necessary as soon as man was
created, when השם cut Adam’s
rib,” the Rebbe explained. “But a
lawyer only came around when
Kayin killed Hevel.”
KU
Vues Master’s Note: I just want to
know what came first, the Rebbe or
the principal. I don’t know what hit
me!
HONEY
Dear Vues Master:
The Chasam Sofer. felt that he
might have offended the Yismach
Moishe (R. Moishe Teitelbaum
ZT”L) by being overly critical
of Chasidim. The Ch. S. sent an
apology letter trying to appease
him. The Ch. S. starts by asking the
following question. How do Chazal
know that דבש of the המינים שבעת
are dates? On the pasuk of
Rashi כל שאור וכל דבש לא תקטירו
explains that nectar from all fruits
is called דבש So how did Chazal
know that it is not any other fruit
but dates? The Ch. S. answered, that
by ביכורים it says מראשית ) is also
translated the best) Chazal knew
the sweetest and the best honey
comes from a Teitelbaum (dates).
MF
Vues Master’s Note: Oh! How
sweet!
DIGS
Dear Vues Master:
This past Monday, archaeologists
in Yerushalayim have discovered
a 300-meter (985-foot) portion
of a Second Beis Hamikdash-
era aqueduct, the longest such
continuous stretch ever found
in Israel’s capital. The ancient
waterway was discovered at
a building site in the southern
Jerusalem neighborhood of Givat
HaMatos. Is there a bracha or
something that we should do when
this happens?
REP
Vues Master’s Note: Wow! If that is
real!!
UNCOVERED
Dear Vues Master:
The maggid of Kelm was once at
a ברכות שבע at which the chosson
spoke but didn’t include תורה דברי
and the kallah wore a dress that
wasn’t sufficiently modest. He
remarked that they seem to make a
perfect couple.
.הוא אין לו תורה והיא אין לה סחורה”
MB
Vues Master’s Note: It is a big
problem!
DATING
Dear Vues Master:
When a girl starts dating, she wants
ברסקר חיים רב. When she can’t get
that, she wants
gets she When .רב חיים נאה
.רב חיים עוזר wants she ,married
MJ
Vues Master’s Note: And she acts
as the Knegdo!
COMPLETE
Dear Vues Master:
What’s the difference between
complete and finished? When
you’re single, you’re incomplete.
When you marry the right woman,
you’re complete. When you marry
the wrong woman, you’re finished.
And when you marry the right
woman who sees you with the
wrong one, you’re completely
finished.
LO
Vues Master’s Note: Unfortunately
we have so many that never begin
to forget about completeness!
NEXT
Dear Vues Master:
What did Noach say to his mother
in law as the flood waters were
rising? “You take the next ark.”
SW
Vues Master’s Note: Another
mother-in-law joke? How many
are there?
STAGES
Dear Vues Master:
There are three stages to marriage.
In the first few months, the husband
speaks and the wife listens. In the
next few years, the wife speaks
and the husband listens. After that,
they both speak and the neighbors
listen.
JY
Vues Master’s Note: I am at the
point where these recycled jokes
don’t even enter my ears!
RESPECT
Dear Vues Master:
And you shall inquire and they will
teach you the word of the judgment.
-Devarim 17:9 “And you shall
inquire and they will teach you,
etc.”: It is up to you to make these
inquiries, (i.e. to find out from the
Supreme Court) why they ruled as
they did. The judges are obligated
to explain their ruling to you once
you ask them; however, if you did
not ask them they are not obligated
to volunteer it. – Or HaChaim One
can surmise that it is appropriate
to inquire of the Supreme Court
to explain themselves despite their
elite status which one would think
is beyond suspicion. How much
more should one inquire of a
single rabbi for his reasoning. Rav
Shlomo Brevda lamented how
people do not challenge what they
are told. According to the Law that
they teach you and the judgment
that they tell you shall you do.
You shall not turn aside from
the thing that they tell you, right
or left. -Deut. 17:11 “You shall
not turn aside from the thing that
they tell you, right or left”: Even
if they [the judges of the Great
Sanhedrin] tells you about what
appears to you to be right that it
is left, or about what appears to
you to be left that it is right, you
have to obey them; how much
more so if they tell you about
what is evidently right that it is
right and about what is left that it
is left. – Rashi Yeshiva Bachurim,
and those that teach them, use this
verse as proof that one must trust
a rabbi even if it doesn’t make
sense; however, this only applies
to the Sanhedrin. One should
only follow something unless it
makes sense or it makes sense to
their father. Rav Moshe Feinsten
says, “This volume [Igros Moshe]
contains in large measure the
responsa I have written to those
requesting my halachic opinions.”
If he considers his responsa an
opinion what can be said about the
rest of us?
DG
Vues Master’s Note: It is the same
that you are so focused on your
respect that you can’t think of
anything else!
DISRESPECT
Dear Vues Master:
And it shall be, if ekev (Heel) you
hearken to these judgments, and
heed them and do them. Devarim
7:12 Re’eh (See), I set before
you this day a blessing and curse.
Devarim 11:26 Shoftim (Judges)
and officers you shall appoint
for yourselves in all of your
gates that the Lord your God
gives you. – Devarim. 7:12 The
flip side of the last three parshas,
Ekev (Heel), Re’eh (See) and
Shoftim (Judges) are revisited
at the beginning of parshas Ki
Seitzei. It predicts what will
happen when a man is callous
like the heel of their foot and
neglects respecting his father.
Here are the consequences in
Ki Seitzei using the expressions
of the previous parshios: When
you go out to war against your
enemy… – Devarim 21:10 And
you see in the captivity a woman
of beautiful form… – Devarim
21:11 And you shall bring her
inside your house… – Devarim.
21:12 “When you go out to war”
which is done with the heel
because you were callous to your
father. “And you see a beautiful
woman” which you did not
show your father and marry her.
“And you shall bring her inside
your house” and judge her. The
pesukim afterwards speak about
eventually hating your wife and
having a rebellious son. What
goes around comes around,
when you disrespect your father
you will have a son that will out
do you.
DG
Vues Master’s Note: I guess you
just incriminated yourself no
wonder you get no respect!
MARRIAGE TIMES?
Dear Vues Master:
The Gaon of Sanz,
married was ,רבי חיים הלברשטאם
five times. When his fourth wife
died, he decided to marry yet
again, notwithstanding his old
age. His son tried to dissuade him
from doing so, but to no avail. “If
I need to marry a seventh time,”
חיים רבי said, “that too would be
proper, since I would be fulfilling
“.כל מקדש שביעי כראוי לו
RW
Vues Master’s Note: Hard to
fathom!
HELP
Dear Vues Master:
לא תראה את חמור אחיך —
הקם תקים עמו
Did you know? When traveling on
the road and you see a Yid (even
non-frum) stuck on the side of the
road, you might be עובר on a לאו
& עשה if you don’t stop and go
out to help him.
JH
Vues Master’s Note: How great
are Chaveirim!
PARNASSAH
Dear Vues Master:
Why is it that at every major
Kosher supermarket in Brooklyn
you never see any Yidden
working at the checkout stand?
I see Jews begging for money
almost everyday on the street,
but why won’t they work at these
supermarkets? Aren’t we supposed
to employ our own first? I hear
the argument that it’s expensive
to live in Brooklyn, yet all the
Mexicans working at the checkout
stand someone survive in the city
and lots of them also have big
families! What’s going on?
BD
Vues Master’s Note: These days no
one wants to work. Big difference
between a large Jewish and
Mexican family is tuition and the
price of kosher food!!
DOCTOR
Dear Vues Master:
A man runs into the vet’s office
carrying his dog, screaming for
help. The vet rushes him back
to an examination room and
has him put his dog down on
the examination table. The vet
examines the still, limp body and
after a few moments, tells the man
that his dog, regrettably, is dead.
The man, clearly agitated and not
willing to accept this, demands a
second opinion. The vet goes into
the back room and comes out with
a cat and puts the cat down next
to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs
the body, walks from head to tail,
poking and sniffing the dog’s
body and finally looks at the vet
and meows. The vet looks at the
man and says, “I’m sorry, but the
cat thinks that your dog is dead,
too,” The man is still unwilling
to accept that his dog is dead. So
the vet brings in a black Labrador
retriever. The lab sniffs the body,
walks from head to tail, and finally
looks at the vet and barks. The vet
looks at the man and says, “I’m
sorry, but the lab thinks your dog
is dead too.” The man, finally
resigned to the diagnosis, thanks
the vet and asks how much he
owes. The vet answers, “$650.”
“$650 to tell me my dog is dead?”
exclaims the man. “Well,” the
vet replies, “I would only have
charged you $50 for my initial
diagnosis. The additional $600
was for the cat scan and lab tests.
EW
Vues Master’s Note: We need an
urgent care for this joke!